trouble putting a label on it

That’s it folks. I’ve been exclusively dating this fantastic girl for just over a few months now and it’s been almost surreal how fantastic it’s been going. While we both are very different people when it comes to careers, ambitions, personality types, it seems like we’re the same where it counts (family importance, values/morals, things we like to do, and experiences we desire) and the differences feel very complimentary. Every date we have or weekend we spend together is fantastic and I can feel myself growing very deep warm feelings for her and I know its mutual. She’s gorgeous, absolutely hilarious, genuinely caring, empathetic, passionate about life and we have the exact same humor. Also, we have yet to have a single argument or real disagreement really… We just both seem to be on the same page most of the time.

When it began, I’ll admit I was a little taken back by how “easy” it felt. I almost called it off because I guess I couldn’t compute it, but I’m glad I didn’t. My past relationships were constantly chaotic and unstable, but passionate where it counted I guess. This one feels like a slow growth of comfort, mutual effort, a warm, beautiful sexual chemistry that grew over time, and a natural progress of investment in each other and integrating into other aspects of our lives like meeting friends, family, 2 small trips etc. It’s the best relationship I could’ve imagined for myself honestly and she’s such an amazing partner, it feels like she’s taught me how I should be treated in a relationship, and I try to do the same!

Now we’re definitely at a point where it feels like both of us are circling the DTR stage. It seems like an absolute no brainer that this woman should be my girlfriend officially, an amazing girlfriend at that, with a tremendous potential for the long term… I’m just.. paralyzed? I’ve always known I wanted a relationship (my last one lasted about 5 years), and yet, something in my gut is giving me this “I’m not ready” or “I’m still figuring it out” feeling, almost like I’m anxious that it won’t work out for no real reason I can think of, when in the earlier stages, I felt very sure this is what I wanted. I’m just filled with this guilt that I’ve sort of lost track of where I thought this was going and as much as I know we have something amazing that deserves a label, I just can’t in good conscience put the weight of a label on it (I take that mantle very seriously) without being 100% sorted on my side first.

For context, both of us moved to this city from other places and haven’t been here more than 2 years and we met online. Part of me thinks since this got more serious, I’ve developed this subconscious fear of commitment that could lock me into staying here when my family is far away, and my job that brought me here has proven to be a bit up in the air as of late, but again, that’s something I thought I was alright with until recently. (And I’m not in any financial trouble)

Now I’m at a fork in the road. I feel like I know myself and this woman could go the distance together and passing that up for some arbitrary seemingly undefinable anxiety seems like the silliest and most regrettable thing in the world to me. On the other hand, I just can’t pass that barrier until I can be sure I can be all in for her, which is only fair and what she deserves… She deserves the absolute world and I only want to be a positive force in her life no matter what. The guilt of this being more complicated than it has to be is really getting to me and I just can’t figure out how to navigate through this and come to a conclusive action, or even how to properly articulate this feeling to her. At the core of it all, I know she deserves someone who be all in for the long haul and I desperately want to be despite whatever’s holding me back.

I truly do believe my intentions have been noble this entire time. I just need help. Somewhere to start… Something to try, anything, cause I just feel incredibly lost. For me and for her. Has anyone dealt with something like this before? It’s helped just to write this out, cause I don’t have many people I can talk this openly with, but any objectivity or experience would be a huge help. We’re both not 30 yet, but I’m posting here cause I tend to relate to more mature dating advice more.