I (23F) and my fiance (24M) have been together for almost 6 years. Since being together, we would have sex every time we see each other, me being the one to start. A few months ago we moved into our first apartment, and it’s like my sex drive completely left. I’m still extremely attracted to him, and love him so much. Nothing changed for me when we moved other than being in a different environment and sleeping together more often. I have no idea what’s wrong and don’t want my fiance to keep thinking I’ve lost attraction to him 🙁 No medications, no change in stress from the job, nothing I can really pin point. Is this normal? Any help is appreciated.
EDIT:
A huge thank you to all the advice everyone has given! To reiterate, none of my feelings have changed, as well as he probably does more for me than I do for him. He’s the perfect guy for me, if he wasn’t I wouldn’t be asking about this. Jokingly, I have no idea how he’s so horny for me lol!
After mentions of therapy, as well as PMing with a few, had made me think more into myself, that it may be an insecurity thing as well. I’ve gained the most weight I’ve ever been after starting my career (which is primarily sitting) and have mentioned often how I don’t like this new look. Yes, I’ve been working my best to fix it, and yes my fiance is very supportive of me and this gain. Any more suggestions and thoughts are appreciated! Thank you all so much!
12 comments
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That’s a good one. Anything ideas I got are purely shots in the dark. I suggest you speak with a therapist. That might help get you to the crux of the issue.
Do you feel more motherly towards him now? Do you feel you have lost autonomy? Do you have time by yourself ever, might be good to just not be with your partner ALL the time.
Good luck!
I’m in almost exactly the same boat. Sometimes hormones can just completely delete your sex drive. It might be a medical thing, it might just be a growing up thing. What I’ve been doing is reassuring my husband that I’m still very attracted to him, and that it’s just my hormones that have absolutely wiped my drive. I mention it a lot. I think he’s starting to actually believe me now.
(my husband JUST asked to have sex, wow. relevant)
I still remain open to sex with my husband because I love him and cherish not only his happiness but also the closeness. I’m never really into it like I used to be (except for very rare moments my hormones allow it), but I see it as just a very close hug these days. he knows my hormones are wacky, so he’ll just ask me for it, and often I’ll accept. It’s not the same as it used to be, we don’t get hot and heavy, it’s more of a compromise. He asks, I accept, we have loving cuddle sex without a load of foreplay.
Any more advice you need, let me know.
Q0
Maybe want counselor for this. Maybe apt? That step. BUT LIBIDO COOLS FOR ALL IN LONG TERM. newer hatter even for older people. Trade off.
So even though your sex drive has dropped, since you are living together how often do you have sex? Does a little alcohol help?
My libido has its highs and lows when living with someone. Right now, I’m in a low spot. After 3+ months of being in a high spot. So maybe that’s what’s happening. If you’re worried, get your hormones levels checked out. Otherwise, I’d give it some time.
It sounds pretty standard for a couple who’s just moved in together.
If you’re worried, pick up “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski.
You’re entering the “roommate phase”. It happened to me and my gf when we moved in together. We slept in the same bed every night, and eventually it became routine. It used to be fun and exciting to sleep in the same bed when you didn’t share a bed every single night.
We’ve been together 5 years, slept in the same bed for almost that whole time. We still try to keep it exciting, but every once in a while we fall into the roommate routine again. We still struggle to find ways to get out of that rut.
What I’ve found most helpful to me is to increase our time together. Not just sitting on the couch, laying in bed, or eating dinner together, but being cuddly and romantic with each other.
I’ll admit, I too have felt my sexual drive decrease. It’s not fun or exciting to me anymore when we’re just doing it in the bed. Sometimes we feel like it’s a chore to have sex, just another thing on our list of things we need to do that day. So we find ways to change it up. I love it when she just grabs my dick when we’re sitting in the apartment and the window is open. I love having sex with the window open (we’re responsible about it, we only do it at night with the lights off so no one sees. Usually all are neighbors have their windows closed and go to sleep early).
Did you get married?
Is there polarity in your relationship?
Your up tight