So I’ve been hanging out with this guy and I really really like him and he likes me. Anyways we have been seeing each other for 3-4 months and having a great time, he’s extremely sweet and caring to me like nobody has ever been. He’s shown me that people can actually be nice in a relationship. We have sex/oral multiple times a day everyday. I don’t mind it, it’s just I don’t necessarily want to all the time because I’m tired or something but I’ll get up and have sex with him and enjoy it, it’s not like I dread it because he is so great.
The other day though we had been hanging out all day and the day was almost over for us and he wanted to do sexual things with me, but honestly I felt gross from the day and wanted to take a shower and I felt like he would have preferred that anyways so he doesn’t have to deal with a stinky girl 😂. But I didn’t tell Him that at first so he got kind of aggravated but then he kept pressuring me kind of and I finally just told him that I felt gross and wanted to take a shower. He said something along the lines of “Well you took a shower earlier and we fucked earlier and you didn’t say anything about it then” yes true but still I just felt gross and wanted to take a shower. Anyways he ended up apologizing and all was well.
The next day we were at our friend’s house and we had both got drunk and stayed the night because we couldn’t drive. The walls are paper thin and the room we were sleeping in was next to my friend and her husbands room and I could hear them very clearly. Anyways my boyfriend comes in the room and he wants to have sex with me and I told him that “I would but ppl would definitely hear us and that would just be rude.” Because the house was dead silent at like 3am with paper thin walls…. Anyways he threw a little fit and got aggravated and went to sleep.
Then this morning we left their house and went to his house so we could sleep our hangover off. He then started touching me which I didn’t mind at all, but I was just laying there letting him do his thing and he says something like “You don’t want to do anything?” “And I said, what makes you think that?” And he said “Because you just don’t seem interested” I just feel like he said that to make me mad due to the past couple days. I feel like he only likes me because he wants to have sex with me. The reason I feel like that is because I’ve been in a past relationship where that was the case and I would hate for this to be the case here.
He is so nice and sweet to me though, we always have a lot of fun. It’s just always in the back of my head like is he just being nice and doing these things to satisfy me and butter me up so I will feel bad for not having sex with him later??
8 comments
He does he get when you say aggravated? Is he abusive at all?
It sounds to me like you need to discuss sex and intimacy at a neutral, sober time – let him know what you prefer (being clean, alone, etc) and ask him his desires too. Its never fun to be pressured and it leads to resentment later, but hoping he just needs to understand your boundaries
Sorry. This guy may seem nice to you but not accepting how you feel and what you’re comfortable with” sex at friends house “is a huge red flag. He is guilting and controlling you. You are in charge of your body. You should have him read this Reddit or at least tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong. Let him go.It will get worse if he thinks he can get away with manipulating you.If you’re not in the mood for another round, he can rub one off. Your not his pocket pussy! No means no!!
This sounds like you each have different sex drive levels which is a very common issue between couples.
You have the right to express and deny sex any time. He also has the right to break up with you if hes not being satisfied.
Either you two can talk about it and come to a compromise, or it will more than likely just lead to a break up down the road.
There are many different compromises. For example, if you’re not interested in penetrative sex when he’s in the mood, you could still offer to help him with his needs in another way. Be creative.
My girlfriend and I have completely different sex drives. She also needs recovery time when she’s sore. We wanted to stay together despite our different drives because we love each other, and we are a perfect fit for each other in every other way. We’ve talked about our needs and have come up with many different comprises that work really well for us. For example, she loves cuddling, but isn’t always in the mood to have sex. So when I’m in the mood, we’ll cuddle and she’ll give me a handjob while we’re cuddling.
One other important note:
Just because your boyfriend wants to have sex often, doesn’t necessarily mean he just wants you for sex. This is such a common misconception among women, and often used to gaslight men. Ask yourself if you two get along very well together outside of sex. Does he enjoy being around you even when you’re not having sex? If the answer is yes, he doesn’t just want you for sex.
Best of luck!
Getting mad when you occasionally don’t want sex for whatever reason isn’t sweet and caring its childish and possibly manipulative.
If it were something he did once and pretty quickly apologized I might be able to cut him some slack but honestly you aren’t describing a nice sweet man you are describing a somewhat selfish man-child. Knowing as little as I do about your whole situation I can’t really say that’s what he is,but it’s definitely the picture this little snapshot paints.
This isn’t really a “sex problem”, so much as a relationship problem. Frankly, he just sounds really emotionally immature and needy.
It’s *completely* reasonable to recognize that you shouldn’t have sex at 3am in your friend’s house when you stay the night, especially in an adjacent room, the fact that he needs to be *told* that, and finds it to aggravating is.. odd. We can charitably say “it’s the alcohol” in that case, but you have so many examples of basically the same sort of situation that it does seem more fundamental than just him being a inconsiderate drunk.
I dunno what to tell you, he sounds like an adult toddler. How old is he? He’ll probably grow out of some aspects of this behavior, but he’s starting at a *really* low level of maturity at this point, so I can’t imagine it will ever completely resolve itself. He sounds like he would “grow up” to be kind of the stereotypical caricature of men from the 60s or something, just kind of fundamentally oblivious but sex-obsessed.
You should probably consider that, if you stay with him for the long-term, there may be points of your life where you will be physically incapable of having sex for months, like post-partum, or due to illness, etc. Is this a person who will react in a reasonable manner to those sorts of situations, or a person who is going to pout and pester you, and make you feel terrible about yourself? (Or, god forbid, cheat on you?)
Immature. He’s acting entitled to your body to satisfy his urges. He’s a grown-ass man who can take care of his own needs. Would be nice if he respected and honored and *was thankful for your* ‘no’ – because who wants to have sex with someone who’s not really into it?
i assume you are both in your 20s