Me (25m) and my wife (25f) have been married for 2 years now and have a 1 year old. We were in a relationship for 2 years before getting married and we did everything except sex, saving it for after marriage.
During our relationship we were both crazy about each other, making out every time we met and more. I have always been high libido and before getting married I was conviced she was somewhat high libido as well if not the same. But after marriage, sex really hasn’t been that pleasurable for either of us. The issue is that sex feels like a chore, something that we have to do because we are married and rarely feels out of love.
My wife does not like to try anything new or spice things up. I have conveyed to her that I would love if she wore lingerie and even bought several for her. But all of them have been worn once and are now gathering dust in the drawer. I have told her about my concerns plenty of times, but each time I get blamed that all I think about is sex and I am never happy no matter what. In 2 years marriage, we have had sex in just two positions, me on top or her on top, with the latter lasting for about 30 seconds after which I am back on top. There is also very little to no foreplay. We just kiss until I get hard and then go on from there. She rarely gives blowjobs and only does with a condom on. On the other hand, she doesnt let me perform oral or finger her, complaning its ticklish or irritating if I touch her down there and it puts her off.
I am at the point where I really do not enjoy sex with her. We have had sex once per week for the past 3 months. I feel all the passion and love we had in the physical part was only during the relationship phase and after marriage its died down completely. I understand pregnancy can cause low libido but this has been the case since day 1. We have been to many staycations and vacations, in the hope we will have some exciting time alone, but nothing happens.
As i said, i have addressed these issues many times, sometimes she says she will work on it. But i see very little effort. She says her love language is more emotional than physical, and I have put all my effort to do all the things I can to make her feel loved emotionally but I do not see anything in return.
I guess I just want some advice on how we can go on from here. There is no option of leaving her. She is my first love and I love her more than anything. But for me sex is important and I do not want to lose interest in it.
2 comments
Start with little things. Set aside regular date nights at home. Have a few drinks, listen to some music. Chat. Connect.
There’s a board game called “Monogamy” that my wife and I find super enjoyable and might help you both to unwind.
It sounds like there’s a lot of pressure on your sex life (naturally, in your situation) and that pressure is getting in the way of actually having fun, which is what sex is all about. Instead of going on little holidays, which adds to that pressure, doing more stuff at home (and more regularly) will help rekindle the initial connection and attraction you had to each other.
Edit: Spelling error.
stop buying sexy underwear and start buying sexy comfy clothes.