So, for context I’m pretty extroverted as odd as that sounds since I’m well, here. But uhhhh there’s one thing I am definitely struggling with for a variety of reasons which I’ll state and I would appreciate some points of view and some guidance
Context: I recently-ish became single (good term breakup, no hard feelings, no sad or angry thoughts either) and I’ve decided I think I’d like to look for some new friends or potentially a new partner.
There’s a woman at my local country store that I’ve had a slight- well, big. Crush on for the past few months after I went through my split. I’m not really sure how In gods name I would bring that up, assuming the best scenario being I could get her number or we could hang out is possible how exactly would I bring that up? It seems slightly wrong of me to strike up a conversation even just a casual one let alone asking for personal information while she’s on a shift. Sure most nights the store is pretty empty and very rarely does anyone come in after 9:30 but regardless it just doesn’t quite sit well with me. So realistically speaking my questions are
1. Is it wrong to strike up conversation with someone on the job (when it’s not hellishly busy or they are in the midst of a task)
2. Is it wrong to ask if someone is taken/has a partner
And lastly what is the best way for me to be upfront? Personally I’m mostly worried about coming off as a creep or making her uncomfortable as that obviously is not something that one should want upon someone else
All feedback and criticism is greatly appreciated!
1 comment
I think I would be up front and try and make it a little humorous. Like……hey so I know you’re at work and you kind of have to be nice to me as part of your job, but I think you’re very cool (funny, have good energy, etc.), I would love to get to know you better, if you’re open to that here is my phone number (name and phone number written down) if you are not feeling this…. It’s okay, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in your workplace.
Maybe something like that? I feel like a lot of men who interact with women who are in any kind of customer service job sometimes have a hard time differentiating that someone is being nice to them as part of the job versus when someone is showing interest. I feel like acknowledging that you know her work persona doesn’t mean something else might differentiate you from others.
Also complimenting her personality or something unique about her rather than just her appearance can sometimes make an attractive woman feel like they’re not being objectified. Everyone likes being told that they’re attractive but if that’s the only thing they’re told then it feels like no one cares about them like really who they are.
Leaving your number puts the ball in her court. She is not pressured to give you information that she might not want to give. And typically that can make someone feel safer and not put on the spot.
And then also you want to show that you’re not a toxic guy who will lash out or be rude or mean when/if you experience rejection. That she doesn’t need to appease you to feel safe. That you’re giving her the space to decline or accept. That you’re not going to wait for her to get off her shift and follow her to her car, or stalk her social media and try and contact her through other means, all of those things can be scary for a woman when talking to a guy they don’t know very well, and making the choice to spend time alone with somebody who they don’t know that they’re safe with or not.