Me and my boyfriend have been together 2 years and we’ve talked about getting married, getting our first home, having children and even picked out the names. But right now I don’t feel the urge to have sex with him anymore. For some context, at the start of our relationship he cheated on me with his baby momma and I took him back (that was my choice) and since then he’s been good, we’ve had our fair share of arguments. My boyfriend lost his dad when he was 18 and I just recently lost my mum at the end of June. Both of our parents were alcoholics so me and my bf connected through this and we’ve helped eachother a lot but for the past month or so I just have not had the urge to have sex with him, he’s a good looking guy but I don’t wanna rip his clothes off. I have however been thinking of another guy that I’d like to think of having sex with. Before my bf I was in a few situationships with other men which I enjoyed. I don’t want to be with this other man I just want meaningless sex.
I’m not sure how to talk to my bf about this. I don’t want to hurt him or lose him. I really do love him but I don’t want to cheat on him but I can’t stop thinking about the meaningless sex with other men. What can I do? Any advice would be great.
7 comments
You’re in a real pickle here.
Is he the jealous type?
Has he over time ever mentioned he would be open to opening up your relationship?
Do you possibly think this is what you’re owed after ge cheated?
Is he good to talk to in general about this kind of thing in terms of both of your desires?
Cos if all of the above together doesn’t mesh well in terms of him already giving you all the previous signs he wouldn’t be into this I would not bring this up AT ALL and I would try to give yourself time to get the romance back into your attraction for him. Cos all relationships can’t just be the honeymoon stage or totally about sex all the time, there are ebbs and flows to people’s libidos AND there priorities in where they place sex e.g. when kids come along sex can often decrease, if you have a LDR by sheer geographical distance from one another sex Isn’t as frequent there either, birth control can mess with all kinds of things including one’s want to have sex. So maybe you’re just in a lull right now and need to give your boyfriend more respect by not giving other dudes the time of day in your mind or otherwise. This I think is about boundaries you need to set for yourself so you don’t trip and fall into a dumb decision.
Hey 👋
Do both of yourselves a favour and end it now
Just be honest with him because he deserves to know the truth
He cheated. It means you dont desire him anymore. You still created a fairy tale around him pretending to have a white picket fence a house some kids and their names. Have you pictured that his dick went in and out of his ex and his face buried in her? If that offends you it should. Your literally making excuses to keep a penis that may still be fucking his ex. This relationship ended long ago but Disney told you to stick it out.
Would you be okay if he had meaningless sex with woman?
If yes, bring up opening up the relationship.
If no, then you need to break up. He’s clearly not your forever guy if you have no sexual desire for him after 2 years and think about other men. To me, love is never seeing yourself with anyone else because this person brings out the best in you and part of the best of you is your devine feminine sexual side. He’s clearly not lighting that spark for you if you have no sexual desire for him at all. Then you are just great friends.
Or maybe you just aren’t a monogamous type in which case you need to figure that out and he needs to make a decision if he’s cool with that.
This isn’t hard.. like.. at all.
If you genuinely love your partner, you’ll acknowledge those thoughts of meaningless sex – that everyone experiences at some point or another btw – and move on with your relationship. If you DON’T actually love him, and you can recognise that what you have for him is clearly an attachment instead, then you can simply go and fuck those guys lmao
I can also safely say that if you really loved him, you’d be over this by now. It’s easy for anyone to justify the feelings you’re having, they are normal, but no one’s going to justify you actually doing it behind his back, so I don’t what you’re waiting for 😂
Doesn’t seem as though your partner had much difficulty making the decision when it came around for him 🤷♂️