I (F28) and my husband (F27) have been together for little over 2 yrs and we have a 1year old. I love my husband and I love my marriage but sometimes I find is so challenging to maintain. We both work and split chores and take care of the baby together. We joke, laugh we spend time together. The beginning of this road was incredibly difficult because of our differences but we managed to get this far. Our one big block is that something very small turns into a big fight. We’re both cancer and we’re emotional and sensitive people. Now I’m choosing to avoid him or conversations and seems like he’s doing the same because we’re afraid of having big nasty fights again. It’s so frustrating and it’s every other week. This happens usually on weekend because he’s busy with work during weekdays. I understand marriage isn’t perfect and I believe we are good partners in the making and I really hope it works out with him. But every weekend we ignore each other and it’s just draining and sad. Does marriage ever get easier? I’m afraid one day one of us gets fed up and decide to call it end. That would be so devastating.
5 comments
Good marriages are easy. My husband and I have faced so many unexpected challenges, and we have remained best friends and committed partners.
Yes, marriage can get easier. You can get to know your partner and yourself better, understand each other better. You become each other’s best friends.
A great book is John Gottman’s, *The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.* As he says, arguing doesn’t indicate much, but rather the way you argue shows whether a marriage will or won’t succeed. Highly recommend this read for some insight and tools to help your negative communication patterns.
I believe the answer to your question is, it depends. My wife and I have been married for 27 years, and the answer for us is, no, it has not gotten easier. We entered our marriage with different expectations, and were disappointed by the inflexibility we have demonstrated towards each other, with respect to these. So, you and your husband need to be able to first talk, and try to understand what you want from each other. Once you do that, you may find that there are some issues that are just not gonna change. So, can you and your husband adapt to this new reality, or just hold to your positions?
I have read Gottman, and my wife and I have discussed it. I think what he proposes may work for some marriages. It doesn’t work for ours. My sense is that if you and your husband are ready to give up your sense of self for the marriage, Gottman will work for you. If you see yourself as a distinct self, it will not.
Not if you don’t put a lot of work into it
My only suggestion is you two need to have sex more. Even if you think you’re having enough he may not. A lack of sex makes everything little seem more significant and small things become big fights. So, right now go hump his brains out.