Overcoming performance anxiety

So how to overcome boner issues when it’s more mental than physical?

I’m in a relationship with a woman I’m hugely attracted to, but have, at times, struggled to perform well. I can always get hard but I’ll sometimes lose it after 10-15 minutes.

I had similar issues in the past, almost certainly caused by antidepressant meds, which I take ever since losing a loved one. But I found that this was easily counteracted by popping a V pill (viagra, sildenafil) which would allow me to perform awesomely.

My relationship before this, last summer, I had 0 problems with the woman despite being less attracted to her. The sex was awesome, presumably because I didn’t feel any pressure. I didn’t think about it, I just did it. Pop a pill, hard for hours on-demand.

Fast forward to now, and I have my “dream” girl physically, and I’m struggling. I think the problem is compounded by the fact we’re currently long-distance due to work, so we just see each other alternating weekends. And so every time that weekend comes on, I feel big anticipation to travel but also, you know, to have sex.

The problem is probably further compounded by the fact that she’s quite demure and quiet (she’s Asian, maybe this is typical for their culture…) and so we don’t have big sexual communication, I just sort of initiate it with kissing etc, but on more than one occasion I’ve nervous-ed myself out of performing because I can’t help constantly thinking: “does she want to?”, “is she into it?”.

I didn’t have this problem in the previous relationship because we were a lot more “synced” in our energy and verbally.

Anyway, I don’t know how to fix the problem since it isn’t really physical. I can feel it happens as my brain zones out and starts over-thinking, and I stop just focusing on the enjoyment and connection and start worrying about how long I’ll last.

If anyone has found a good fix that’d be helpful, thanks