What would you do if your sibling is in a toxic relationship?

14 comments

1. Tell them that I’m concerned about the way their partner treats them, offer support/a listening ear/a shoulder to lean on to help them navigate finding their way to a more healthy space, actively listen to them to understand their feelings and needs, and do my best to make sure they feel comfortable coming to me for help if the relationship is or becomes abusive.

2. Communicate with them and let them see a clearer picture from a different perspective especially from the eyes of someone who wants every best thing for them. I randomly tell them stories about my friends or colleagues who are in toxic relationships and let them do the thinking.

3. Mind my business. My sister is a very proud and stubborn person, telling her to stay away from someone would only make her like them more.

4. Depends on the sibling. If I found out my youngest brother was being abused by his girlfriend, I’d have to jump in to show her how it’s really done.

5. I’ll talk to them and share the tools that myself I didn’t had that time but I will not tell them what to do, they are not forced to listen to what they already know but currently can’t act on it, and reassure them that I am here for them and most importantly telling them that all the hate and shame they have towards themselves is not what they should focus on because there’s nothing to be ashamed about experiencing even the hard way, even more when we are doing things with the best that we know at the present moment, because we learn and grow from it and that even if at the present moment the logical answer doesn’t seem like a way out, there will be a way out of it.

6. My little brother was in a very toxic marriage. Both of them brought out the very worst in each other. Being around them was awful because you never knew when things would explode.

   I tried to tell him that the whole relationship was a wash. But he got all shitty with me about it and kept telling me that they’d work it out, it would be better for their daughter to not have divorced parents, blah blah blah bullshit bullshit bullshit. So after that I was like “okay you’re a grown ass man so do your thing I guess” and didn’t try anymore. But I also told him he wasn’t allowed to complain at me about it anymore because if he wasn’t going to listen to me I wasn’t going to listen to him.

   They ended up getting a divorce after 3 years of marriage and I did a “fucking FINALLY” dance when it happened. To myself of course. To him it was backpats and support.

7. I would tell I’m concerned, explain with facts and give the phone number to ressources specialised in domestic violence so it’s accessible

8. You can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. Trying to do so might push them away. I wouldn’t honestly have one big conversation with it and then drop it. Something like “I need to talk to you. I will have this conversation with you only once you can do with the information what you want. All I ask is that you don’t interrupt me. I really need to get it out of my system. You know your such an amazing person and I love you so much that it hurts to see that partner does x,y,z to you. You deserve someone who treats you like a queen and treats you in x, y,z way. And even though I know that you deserve better and someone who treats you better. At the end of the day it’s your life. And if getting treated poorly and less than human is okay with you then there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I just want you to remember that I love you and I will always be here for you, even if it’s just to listen to you vent or if you ever need a place to crash”

9. I didn’t mind my business for about 5 years. It continued for 10 more years so I let them figure it out. Two kids came out of the toxic relationship. *sigh*

10. I went through that. It’s only natural to want to help, but they are the only ones that can figure it out. It takes a while, but they do. I was there to pick her up the day she finally left. She knew I was there for her when she made that decision and that’s what is most important.

11. he was in a really toxic marriage and i tried to talk to him about it, we all did but he didnt listen to any of us and kept having more kids with her. now theyre divorced and she still manipulates him regularly

12. I wouldn’t know about it since we don’t talk outside of being invited to the same family gatherings or dinner at our parents’ house.

13. Both my siblings have been in toxic relationships at different points.

    My relationships with them were ruined because neither of them would listen to reason when I told them, in so many words, that I didn’t like the person they had become.

    For one of my siblings, they are probably just as toxic as their partner and I gave up hope that they would strive for better until they make improvements on their own life first. We barely speak and they continue to be in a toxic relationship.

    The other sibling was 20 and young and in love with a very dangerous person who completely destroyed their self-esteem and made them into the worst version of themselves. At the time, I repeatedly told them they needed to end the relationship, but they didn’t listen and we essentially did not speak for three years. Eventually, they saw the issues for themselves, after their life was threatened. My sibling broke up with the person and got a restraining order. When I knew it was finally over, I just allowed myself to be there for my sibling, but we stayed in a surface level contact for a while. It took almost a decade, but we are now mostly cordial and can have conversations like normal siblings.

14. My closest brother got into a sham marriage (first person he ever dated, wanted to live together but Christian mom wouldn’t co-sign their apartment if they weren’t married, he was 17 so he just went to court and got married) it was secret for 6 months, the whole time I’m trying to be polite and saying things like “it’s ok that you’re dating them rn as long as you don’t end up with them forever” he promised me he would never marry them AFTER HE KNEW HE WAS ALREADY SECRETLY MARRIED TO THEM. Whatever, I don’t like his spouse because they were really immature when we first met, they also cheated on my brother early on and then somehow gaslit him into thinking it wasn’t actually cheating (because they identify as polyamorous) so I was pissed when I found out about the marriage.

    All I can do is continue to be there for my brother and hold space for his spouse to grow and become someone good for him. Meanwhile I’m still secretly hoping for a divorce but it’s unlikely so I just keep my thoughts to myself and try to be kind.