I’ve (29F) been on 2 dates with a guy (29M) so far – when we are texting he’s responsive and makes lots of effort to actually have a conversation and show interest – it’s certainly not one word replies I’m getting.
But I’ve been wondering if I’m getting mixed signals as I’ve been the one who’s had to reach out and re-start our communication. I’m told if a guy really likes you he’ll make the effort to talk to you.
Here’s a timeline of our communication:
1st date – I suggest meeting up. He texts directly after to say he enjoyed himself. I said I enjoyed myself too and would like to meet up again. He said he is up for meeting again too.
3 days go by with no texts – I send a follow up text asking how his week has been. We continue to text for another 4 days straight. He asks me on another date.
2nd date takes place – I send a follow up message directly after to say thanks and that I like him – he said he likes me too. I suggest we should organise something else once he’s back from his 2 week holiday. He agrees.
Another 3 days of no texts – I send another follow up message asking how his week has been. We text throughout the day and send some flirty funny suggestive messages. He was the last person to text to say goodnight after I said I was going to bed.
It’s been another 2 days of no messages and he’s now away on holiday for 2 weeks.
What should I do? Leave the ball in his court and wait for him to message me? Or should I send a follow up text in a couple of days asking how his holiday is going?
TL;DR! – A guy I’m speaking to seems keen but doesn’t always initiate conversations. Should I keep making a move or wait for him to?
9 comments
Maybe he’s following the same mantra you are. If a girl is interested in him she will make the effort and text first?
this doesn’t sound too far off from my style of texting, even with my current girlfriend, or family or friends for that matter. i’m just not one to initiate texts, can’t really explain why.
it sounds like he *is* showing signs that he’s interested, though! he texted you after the first date, he asked you on another one. remember that he’s not doing this as some kind of charity case, he’s definitely interested. i wouldn’t read too much into his not initiating more, it’s not like he’s just not responding or barely responding to yours.
i think keep making moves until you see him again, then maybe bring it up as a very casual question or comment if it feels natural. like, “you know you can reach out anytime”, or something. i would bet money he probably just doesn’t want to seem too aggressive in these early stages.
Sounds like this guy is somewhat interested, but he doesn’t sound overly enthusiastic. You seem to have initiated almost every interaction you’ve had so far. Frankly, I would take a step back and see what happens at this point.
Read He’s Just Not Into You and move on
I’d leave him alone while he’s on holiday. He’s probably with friends/family and it’s reasonable to assume they’ve made plans and are hanging out together. If he texts you, great! If not, give him the benefit of the doubt: he’s busy.
A day or two after his return from holiday, I’d text and ask how it went (if he didn’t text first) If he texts first, problem solved. But for me personally, if I had to initiate a conversation after his return, the next communication would have to be initiated by him. That’s just me though, because I wouldn’t want to carry the whole relationship the whole time, and it’s still early enough to let go without trauma.
Usually, when people are asked how much they contribute, the total sum is something like 140%. Obviously that’s not possible, apparently people tend to overetimate their own contribution. Perhaps that’s the case here as well. I’m not saying you’re overestimating yours, that’s not even relevant, the point is that you two need to find some kind of middle ground and the only way to that end is to address it. Of course that assumes that he’s seriously interested in you in the first place.
To me, 57m, 29m’s actions sound not too far from how I might act, including in a steady relationship. OP’s expectations are generally in line with what I’ve learned women to expect.
If they wanted to they would
It’s the same regardless of gender unless they’re playing games which who wants.
Also if this is their love language at the start… imagine how you’ll feel begging for every crumb of validation / attention when the comfort sets in
He’s showing you all the signs that he likes you, don’t over think it and ruin it by seeming too pushy. If he blows you off then he isn’t worth your time. Guys have had years where we’ve been told this and that regarding texting and seeming obsessive or pushy. A text half way through hoping his trips well is a good idea or even after his holiday. You’ll be fine just let it naturally happen, him sending a text after the first date says it all. Good luck.
How busy is he in his day-to-day?
Some folks are just kind of bad at texting. See how Date #3 goes