Tldr; partner is having panic attacks before being intimate with me because trauma from an ex. Any help is appreciated.
So I’ve known my partner for almost two years and we’ve been dating 10 months. I am demi and bi. I made sure to tell my partner I am demi before we started dating and it wasn’t an issue. I very quickly became sexually attracted to them and we had an active sex life for about 6 or 7 months. Around the end of June and the beginning of July when we were having sex I noticed they weren’t very into it and we stopped every time. The last two times they actually had a panic attack before we even got started, I asked what was wrong and they could talk about it if they wanted. After a while of just laying in bed they started telling me a little about their ex, they didn’t go into full detail about what happened but the reason they had the panic attacks was because they were afraid they were making me uncomfortable even though I was the one that initiated things.
Does anyone have any advice or anything that could help me reassure them that I’m completely comfortable being intimate with them?
3 comments
You help them by encouraging them to find appropriate therapy.
It’s important to reassure them that you respect their boundaries, that you won’t push them too far, and that you are happy to go at their own pace. Let them know you love and feel comfortable around them, that they are a safe person for you. It may take time and patience, but their past can heal with love and trust.
They absolutely need to find a therapist. Have them look for someone with EMDR training. Its amazing.
In the meantime, respect their boundaries. Back away from any sexual contact unless they specifically initiate it. Let them know that you don’t need that part of the aspect right now (or anytime soon) and just want to be with them.