I’ve become more and more quiet over the years. Everyone thinks I’m weird, I get anxious when I have to socialize now and I never know what to say. I just am weird. Ever since puberty I’ve had trouble showing emotions and opening up or being vulnerable to anyone, especially my family, now at this point I don’t even know what’s appropriate and what’s not. I’m on an island far away from everyone else. My whole life nobody has really known me and it sucks, but now I don’t know how to fix it.
The practical part of my problem is I usually don’t know what to say and I’m in my head going down all sorts of paths that aren’t relevant or too deep. My coworker was talking about adopting a new dog and while I’m trying to carry the conversation by asking what breed of dog is it and stuff I’m thinking about shit like “What do dogs think when they change owners? Do they get sad? It’s weird how dogs have personalities just like people. I need a dog I think it’ll help me figure out social skills, dogs are like little kids. They have all the desires of humans but they don’t have egos and just do what they want.” Basically I’m always analyzing stuff and always in my head. It would make a good conversation with someone likeminded but 99.9% of the people where I live don’t care at all about those things and would see me as a weirdo and ask if i’m high.
I hate being quiet and weird. I can’t tell people about myself either, I don’t know why whenever I do it just kills the conversation. I don’t know anymore. I just moved and have to make friends, it sucks. The only way to meet people is at bars where I live and I don’t know how that’s possible for me. I’m not cheerful or expressive. I know whatever I say will be weird. Sorry for the disorganized vent, I’m just sick of being lonely.
2 comments
L Theanine might help. Meditation might help.
You dont need to be cheerful or expressive to meet people. Just be curious about them and ask questions. A simple “how are you?” with a neutral facial expression and neutral energy works wonders.
Tbh I wish there were more people like you. I could talk about deep stuff like that all day. But unfortunately most people enjoy small talk too much. I hate talking about things with no substance. I find way more entertainment and meaning in a conversation that causes you to really think.
My advice is to say the things that are really on your mind. If you started asking me questions about dogs having personalities like humans and do they get sad when switching owners and so on I probably would want to be your friend.