Hi reddit! So basicallly, i was at a bar with my gf’s coworkers. We were having fun, me and my gf went to the bathroom and it got really hot. But at the end of the night she went alone to talk to some guys at the bar. I didn’t take it and I vocalized hard that I found it unacceptable.
I always tell her i love her and she’s the one i want. And she says the same. But somehow, she wanted to get instas from other guys. I’m kinda mad, am I normal for thinking that my gf shouldn’t talk with “friends” after she invited me? We love each other for real and I can’t take it.
5 comments
The talk is straightforward. It goes like this:
“What do you think of us? Are we monogamous? What are the boundaries of our monogamy? Are IG-follows violations of monogamy? Why or why not? ”
Talk to her. Find out what and how she thinks about this stuff and why.
Are these guys friends or “some guys”? You referred to them as both but those are two very different things within this context.
Relationships can have any type of rules that both people agree to, so it would be difficult to pin a set definition on this term. The best thing would be to have an honest conversation about what both of your attitudes are on this topic and go from there. It’s fine if you have a more conservative approach to opposite-sex interactions—though I do have my own personal opinions on that—just as it would be fine for her to have a more liberal approach. The most important thing in this situation would be to keep a respectful approach throughout, as this could easily turn into a more heated discussion if you were to insinuate that your partner is unfaithful or disrespectful of your relationship.
You need to sit down with her and set down what is and what isn’t ok.
You also need to sit down with yourself and decide if you’re going to be confident in yourself and trust your partner… or you’re going to be second guessing everything.
Stuff that you consider a red flag is going to be stuff that others don’t even see as a little bit off. You won’t know what those things are unless you communicate about them.
Set boundaries. Regularly (at least once a year) renegotiate the boundaries, because people change and relationships change.
Also, “therapy language” like this is going to sound really weird and aggressive unless people you are discussing it with know what you mean. You’re going to catch hell for this, because *it sounds* like you’re accusing someone of cheating instead of doing something that pushes against one of your boundaries. Might want to add a definition for this.
It can also potentially be seen as something used to manipulate and control a partner, not letting them have their own friends, or being able to interact with people on social media.
Definitely need to sit down and talk about clearly defined boundaries, what’s acceptable and what’s a no way. I wonder if you got touchy feely with somebody, how she would react. What’s good for the geese is good for the gander as they say.
Some people just are tactile with no malicious intent etc, I suppose it depends on the area they’re touching, ie arm. But if you do a little body language study, you’ll pick up definite red flags, like stroking arms, blinking eyes that kind of dip with the head, touching of the hair/ playing with hair whilst talking, subtle leg knocking.
Clearly define what’s acceptable.