So new account but not new. Just had to make a change. Ok so I am 35f and I am married to a 42m. We have friends that are also 42 and married. We will call them Ashley and Tommy. We have known them 4 years. So I have known Tommy has a crush on me for a while because of his mannerisms. I just ignore it and avoid him. But a few weeks ago he bumped into me and cupped my breast in front of everybody at a football party. But it was done in a way that looked accidental. It definitely wasn’t. There were a lot of people around so I didn’t blow up. But I gave him an evil death stare.
Later that night I told my husband. He said he couldn’t be sure what happened because he didn’t see it clearly but that if I said that’s what happened than he was happy to go have a “talk” with him. I told him to not worry about it. That he was drunk and I mainly was concerned about my husband knowing.
Yesterday Tommy texted me about an upcoming sporting event we had intended to all go to together. He said my husband wasn’t replying which to be fair, my husband is awful about replying during work hours. But then Tommy kept trying to extend the conversation asking about life stuff. So I started withdrawing from it. When out of the blue he texts me and says “so Im not going to lie I have the hots for you. I can’t stop thinking about you. I know you are lonely but if you want to come over I think we can both do each other a favor.”
I was disgusted honestly. I’m in no way attracted to him and what a dog. So I texted back “Tommy I am a happily married woman. Don’t ever text me again. If you need something you text my husband or have your wife text me. And if you ever do text me, I will show a screenshot of this conversation to both our spouses.”
He never replied.
So I feel like I shouldn’t tell my husband and friend because it destroys 2 families. Am I doing the right thing? 😕
31 comments
Tell your husband immediately and your friend. Before it escalates.
If Ashley texted that to your hubby, would you want to know? Therein lies your answer…
Definitely tell your husband immediately. Show him the text.* You wouldn’t be out of line taking a screenshot and sending it your friend either, but telling your husband is a necessity.
*What moron puts that in a text message? He can’t deny that he tried to sleep with you because he was stupid enough to put it in writing.
After further review the ruling on the field is… The dude is a creep, and the breast fumbling has been ruled as targeting and this player has been ejected.
Tell your husband immediately. If he ever finds out later or by someone else it may backfire on you. You also risk Tommy groping you “accidently” even more if you don’t speak up about it. If he has the balls to tell you what makes you think he hasn’t cheated on her already? Yes, you may lose her. But, you may also save her from a possible STD in the future.
No. Do not hide it from your husband. He should be told as soon as you can, but face to face. His wife will find out then. She needs to be aware about her husband propositioning you.
Tell them both. Make sure to give your friend a screenshot.
Better to tell them now, then have him twist it someway in the future
Whether you tell your friend or not is a harder question. I personally wouldn’t.
I would absolutely tell your husband right away. He deserves to know, and you and he can make the decision together to tell your friend or not.
Fuck him real good by telling his wife
Tell them both. Immediately. *You* won’t be blowing up anyone’s family HE will.
I am married and I would want to know.
Please message your friend.
He ruined two families by trying to cheat and coming onto you. You are just revealing what he did. And if he’s coming onto you, he may be cheating with other women as well.
Yes tell them. Get this toxic guy out of your lives.
Tell him. you aren’t the one destroying his marriage, he is.
Show it to both his wife and your husband. He is no friend of either of you so no loss there. Do it asap too and update us.
Hold up… can we talk about the part where he sexually assaulted you in public? Because I think that might be even worse than trying to cheat on his wife.
Talking about the attempted cheating: friends have trust. Friends don’t go behind each others’ backs. And good friendships definitely can’t involve secrets that could ruin the friendship if discovered. Her husband broke every single one of those rules when he tried to cheat on her with you. If you are a good friend to this woman, you will tell her what her husband tried to do. She’s married to this man; it’s absolutely her business to know who he really is.
Tell your husband. Stop this creep know. Be open and tel your husband. Protect your relationship from him. Good luck.
You have to tell your husband. I’d say tell your friend too but not sure when and if you should for sure.
OP, I’m a husband. I would want to know as soon as possible about this.
The reason is because if I were to find out later, it would only make my anger towards “Tommy” worse.
To me, the only thing worse than some guy harassing my wife is the knowledge that she was distressed over the situation any longer than she needed to be.
Tell them both now, hiding it will just make it worse if either of them find out down the line.
I think you need to tell your husband ASAP. Showing him does not destroy YOUR relationship but if anything, proves and shows him that you are loyal, shot down Tommy’s desires and feel… however you feel.
You did nothing wrong here. This other dude is the one with a marriage on the line at this point – if you ever choose to oust him, that is.
A very similar situation happened to me, it was my bil and sister, who was my best friend. He confessed his love for me, and that he wanted to sleep with me. He also didn’t want me to tell my sister. I gave him an ultimatum to tell her, or I would. He did tell her, but in the process it ruined my relationship with her, my kids relationships with their aunt/uncle/cousin. I think honesty is still the best choice, just be prepared for the fallout.
You screenshot that and you show it to your husband and your friend ASAP.
You have proof and you don’t want the wrong story floating around.
This can go south very, very quickly.
Honesty sometimes stings.
* Perhaps the truth is that Ashley used her husbands phone to try to see if you were having an affair with him.
* Perhaps Tommy is a shit and Ashley doesn’t care
* Perhaps Ashley has no idea and needs to take steps to protect herself and her children.
* perhaps something totally unexpected
You can’t control any of these possibilities. You simply tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The rest will sort itself out in the wash.
Now send this screenshot to his wife and your husband. Do it.
He destroyed his own family when he tried to fuck someone else 🤷
Tell everyone, there’s no way you’re the first girl he molested & been inappropriate with.
You need to tell both of them. Silence is complicity. Your husband needs to stop with the “on one hand/ on the other hand” crap. You told him that man molested you – he has to listen and believe you. Full stop.
Tell your husband, but agree to sit on it a week while he cools off.
Tell them both immediately. By hiding it, who are you really protecting? Because it’s not you, or your husband and it’s certainly not your friend. You are protecting Tommy. If my friend or spouse hid that from me, my anger would go from Tommy (where the anger should be) to the person that hid it from me. 🤷♀️ Just my thought.
If you are going to tell your husband, there will never ever be a convenient time. And the longer you wait the more angry he might be.
Also, you are talking way too much responsibility for his anger. He’s got to manage his feelings if/when you tell him.
If anything, he should feel validated and secure from your response to this guy’s advances.
Say nothing, this dude is going to dig his own hole without any help from you. and you won’t be seen as the home wrecker