I (29M) and my wife (29F) were having this discussion earlier and I wanted to know what everyone else thought.
So this started by me being asked by my wife if I had a celebrity crush… I answered Ana De Armas….
Which I then got told it was the wrong answer and I should have said “I don’t have any crushes, the only crush I have is for you”.
I then asked my wife if she had one, and she said this radio presenter in the UK. Apparently it’s different for her to have celebrity crushes than it is for me. I asked her why, and she said that I (29M) could possibly meet my crush (don’t know how as I don’t even work in the same industry or any industry linked to acting), and that I could be taken away. (Again I don’t even think my celebrity crush would even look in my direction.)
My wife then says that she’s allowed as she won’t be tempted by her celebrity crush.
This is a crazy double standard right?
36 comments
Yes, yes it is a crazy double standard. In itself, this may be harmless, but it signals how she thinks about you and your relationship together. You shouldn’t ignore this.
This reminds me of that time my wife asked me which of her friends I’d want to have a threesum with. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to name two of them
I mean she is stating outright she doesn’t trust you. It isn’t even that crushes are irresistible as she claims she could resist hers, it is that you as a partner are too weak to even entertain a crush.
Heck, I think even if you had answered the contrived way, said ‘I don’t have any’ she’d have called bullshit and gotten upset at you.
Feels a lot like a double bind, an excuse to get upset because she was feeling insecure or perhaps just felt like making you feel bad. Deeply unfair and honestly that she can’t seem to acknowledge the irrational absurdity of what she is saying is a worry.
Charlize Theron is my partners celebrity crush, mine is Henry Cavill… we both joke around when eachothers crush is on screen
Your wife has a nasty double standard, she is clearly also quite insecure since she thinks you can so easily be taken away and apparently trust issues since you would just allow yourself to be taken away
This is more then just a double standard
Tell her that her radio presenter is YOUR celebrity crush now, too.
Yes this is a dumb double standard. Also how could she police this anyway? If you have a crush you have a crush, she can’t stop you.
Yes, this is clearly an unfair double standard. It’s also ridiculous to think people aren’t attracted to other people magically once they find a SO.
I wish you the best of luck navigating this one mate.
It is a double standard.
Also, the whole topic is crazy.
Isn’t there other shit more important?
Of course its a double standard, but more importantly asking questions out of the blue intentionally to lead to disagreements is not part of a mature, respectful relationship.
Whenever my partner asks me this I panic because I know I’m in danger lol, good thing I can’t remember many on the spot
One of the first fun-conversations we had when we decided to go exclusive was about our celebrity crushes. We also affirmed that we’re humans with eyes; it’s ok to look, but we need to be honest and also true with our hearts.
I don’t think your partner understands that you, like her, are human.
Yes. Your wife is being ridiculous. Although this whole conversation is pretty silly.
Is your wife 15 years old? Wtf kind of level of immaturity is that? A celebrity crush is DIFFERENT from a hall pass. There’s nothing wrong with having a celebrity crush as long as it stays that, a “crush”. Your wife sounds super insecure.
Are you both married or in kindergarten . Stop with this stupid crap and join the real world
Double standard is a red flag. Fuck that “rules for thee but not for me” bs.
“Your hypocrisy is showing, wife.”
Should have turned the tables on her, “Is there a reason you don’t seem to trust me? How come you’re able to have a crush and I can’t, hypocrisy isn’t attractive to me….”
In my experience, people like her that give “love tests” make very poor partners. Her double standard is also problematic. You are not wrong at all, but she sounds insecure.
I’d say you get a lot more actual personality, and therfore, intimacy, from a radio presenter than from an actor as anytime you’re likely seeing them, that’s not their real personality, even in interviews.
It’s a damned crush not an override function. If Ana threw herself at you tomorrow, you would still say no, you’re married.
Yes, this is a double standard.
I also think this is a sign of something else going on in your relationship. Pay attention. Your wife might have some other issues and insecurities at play here.
This kind of pointless relationship drama is just too much to me.
I would not entertain it at all because I do not want to be in a position of wondering what the next ridiculous thing will be
tell her to not ask questions she doesn’t want to hear the answer to!
I don’t know why you even answered it because it’s a trap question. My first wife was great for these questions that seem innocent enough but have only one answer and you better get it right.
Yes, the only “correct” answer is you don’t have any celebrity crushes and are only interested in her. I despise head games like this.
Your wife is childish. Doesn’t matter about anything else, really. She’s a big baby and playing these screwy little games with her is stupid
Not just a double standard, this is the kind of dumb argument 14 year olds have.
You both need to grow up.
People who take life this seriously over a theoretical are beyond insufferable
“I demand a divorce. There, you can go for your celebrity crush now.”
Yep it’s a double standard. I saw your comment about the oral sex standard as well. She sucks.
Well ok she *doesn’t* suck, which is why she sucks.
Try this.
_Truth be told, I was dating Ana De Armas when we met. I left her for you. I chose you.
Now she’s just my crazy ex_
I think it’s deeper. She clearly has insecurities. She needs to work on those, preferably with therapy. You need to show her how much she matters. Good luck.
That is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve heard today.
“how immature are both of you?” “Yes”
So she wouldn’t be tempted by a crush but in her world you would be? That’s how she sees you. It could come from how you have acted or something you said in the past (we don’t know you) or she thinks so negatively of herself and has a total lack of self confidence that even a celebrity crush is a perceived threat.
I don’t get why people use the whole “it’s not like I’m ever going to meet my crush” excuse. What that says to me is, “I’m never going to have a chance with them, but if I DID, I’d leave you.”
Kiiiiinda seems like a red flag.
I’m amazed that not only you needed to ask the internet for its take on this – but that this is a genuine conversation you’re having and feeling a way about. You both are far too immature to be in a serious relationship, let alone be married. Good luck.
Y’all 29? Grow up, these are high school discussions