this guy (17 M) approached me ( 17 F) a few days ago and is trying really hard to be friends, but I don’t want to be. I just don’t really mesh with him, we met three days ago and he has already moved on to hugging me. We both go to technical school so we see each other before our respective classes, and I already miss my quiet alone time. it makes me dread going to class everyday which sucks because the class is something I’m very passionate about. I’ve tried to be a little distant but I think he might mistake it for being awkward? that or he just doesn’t notice? yesterday he asked if we could hang out outside of school and I really wanted to say no but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I said sure. He also is just a lot, he messages me throughout the day and now I don’t even like to open insta. he’s nice and I don’t want to hurt his feelings but I just don’t want to be friends with him. Please help!
tldr: this guy is trying really hard to be friends but I don’t want to be.
3 comments
Most people would just start saying no, can’t, have xyz on that day etc. until the person gets it.
If you have it in you to be direct, say or text something like “Hey man, you’re great and I’m sorry but I don’t vibe with you enough to be friends. I hope you understand.”
I remember how difficult it was at 17 to turn someone down. Your desire to be kind and available to someone to avoid hurting their feelings is sweet – but it’s not doing you any favors!
You don’t need to be mean, but you should be firm. Life is too short to spend time with people for the sake of their feelings, when you don’t want to be around them. And, think about it this way: what if someone was doing this to you? What if you found out one of your friends didn’t *actually* like you; they just didn’t want to hurt your feelings? You’d wish they’d just turned you down instead, right?
You can send a perfectly nice but firm message without being mean to him.
“Do you want to hang out?”
“Oh, no, thank you.” And smile.
“Oop, no hugs, thanks.”
“Sorry, but no thanks.”
Practice not explaining yourself. Trust me: learning to say no without making excuses is going to make your life so much easier from here on out. It’s a lesson so many people (hello!) don’t learn until much later.
You’ll never regret setting boundaries and defending your precious free time. You will regret the time you wasted trying to preserve the feelings of boys by spending time with them you didn’t even enjoy.
He will be just fine. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do, and always, always, ALWAYS defend your personal space. You don’t owe anyone hugs or your time.
It sounds like this guy is not taking the hint and is making you uncomfortable
It’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly and honestly with him.