“you need a job” “you need your own house” “you need to go to the gym every day” and the list continues
What I dont get is why any of that would be necessary. If I wanted to marry, live together, have children, then yes I need a job and a house. But I dont want to marry or get children or maybe even live together yet.
I just want a relationship. Just someone to have fun with, not necessarily live together or have children with. So why couldn’t I, living at parents house, date with someone who also lives at their parents house? I don’t see any problem there. Like having a house together would be awesome, but if you both live with parents its still much better than nothing, I would be happy to have a relationship instead of not having one at all.
I also have enough money to afford normal expenses, so again I dont get why I would need to get a job and have even more money if i dont have big bills to pay.
I don’t expect my future partner to have a job, income, money, a house, or any of those achievements in life really. The only thing that matters is doing fun things together. I dont have those expectations in my future partner, so why would they expect all that of me?
Could someone explain to me why its important, and why there is the idea of “you need to add value to the relationship” (which in my opinion is bullshit because love is not about money and adding value or anything like that, love is about appreciating eachother and doing fun things together)
13 comments
The number 1 way that men are radicalized is by convincing them that they aren’t good enough to attract women. These expectations arent from women but from other men in order to convince them of a world in which every relationship is transactional and that they lack value so that they will buy into their bullshit or whatever it is that they’re trying to sell.
I think it depends a lot on your age and the reason for living with your parents.
Eg in your early twenties I think it’s fine. Maybe you are saving up.
At my age (40s) it’s a red flag to be honest, unless it is to be a car giver for your parents.
Materialistic requirements is not something everybody has (but some do). If you only meet girls who has that, you may need to look in new circles.
You CAN have whatever you want. It’s just a matter of making it happen.
There are lots of girls looking for many different things – and probably at least half of them care about those factors you mentioned, but not all of them.
It’s a problem when you want to have sex….
I’m not sure it is mandatory to have those things but you can sort of see why women prefer them if possible right.
Questions like this baffle me 🤣🤣🤣 OP, I’m a woman and I promise you, NOT ALL WOMEN WANT THESE THINGS!!! I saw a tiktok video of a girl talking about how she fell in love and lost her virginity to a homeless man. So please, stop the dry ranting. There are many women out there that date broke, short, overweight, ugly, homeless, etc men. THERE’S SOMEONE FOR EVERYONE. Now, it’s a different case if you approached a girl and she rejected you for not having these things, in that case, you move on or elevate yourself so you can get a higher calibre of women. Good luck!!!
the point of “high value” men is basically a why for men who don’t get girls a way for them to improve themselves so in the future they can get girls. If you are somehow who is naturally handsome, charming, charismatic and overall can pull girls IRL or very successful in Online Dating then obvious you don’t need anything. You can literally just be a bum who smokes weed every day and lives with their parents. The fact that you have to ask this question makes me think you are still in high school etc. Dating while in school is infinity easier than dating as an adult as you have access to girls via daily classes etc.
You just learn to accept that all these things are expected and highly valued from a man(sure, there are some exceptions, people have different values). You can just work on trying to improve your life and hope for the best.
Because in mating, the female does the selecting. So while animals can get away with dancing, men have to provide; security monetarily or physically.
Because women want some expectation that if they spend time on a relationship with you, you’re going somewhere.
Many, many men have failure to launch/thrive/succeed issues.
If a dude peaks at 21 at frat parties, he’s not someone most women would be interested in for more than a fling.
> I just want a relationship. Just someone to have fun with, not necessarily live together or have children with.
You’re describing a friend.
Not a relationship.
In a relationship you’re building a future together. You have similar life goals, and choose to walk the road towards those goals together enjoying each other’s company along the way.
> love is about appreciating eachother and doing fun things together
That is a *piece* of what love is about, yes. But not all.
Not true at all. This whole “you have to become high-value to have a chance” is a psychological operation IMO. Don’t listen to the Andrew Tate nonsense or people of that same mentality, they all say this and conveniently have money-making courses and what not. Sure, some women like the things you said, but why would you want to attract those types of women anyway? People who prioritize money or other superficial things over love and spiritual connection are disgusting.
I mean, you do need to add some value otherwise why be with someone? But this value can be many different kinds of things in very different orders of priority, and it is in comparison to all the things other potential partners in the life of a given person can give – so you are not really expected to have all of those things, because there is almost noone who has it all, or even most of it. You don’t need to be a perfect human to even consider dating.
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Now the discourse to which you are alluding is because it’s in the theme of self improvement which is very popular right now, but also dating got so bad that people are grasping at straws for solutions.
What if you get your girlfriend pregnant? If you don’t have a job or your own place, that’s risky. Women are taking a big risk because men walk away all the time. Or even mooch off them. You shouldn’t be dating while unemployed.
“Why are guys expected to have so many things” and “you need a job” in the same text? dude, if this requirement is too high for you, don’t ever talk to a woman