I snooped my boyfriends notes app when he was sleeping. Before anyone tells me what i did was shitty, i know it was. i have BPD and really bad trust issues, he gave me his phone password so this isn’t a 100% invasion of privacy but i still feel crappy for looking) I didnt expect to find such dark stuff..
For the record, me (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been together for almost two years now. He has struggled with depression and anger issues the whole time we’ve been together.
I saw a bunch of shit in his notes app about his ex, how much he missed her, how he wanted to k*lo her, videos of him making himself vomit , notes about how much he wanted to drink bleach and spit it down her throat . This was just before we got together, i know he broke up with her over a year before we got together, but these notes were from about 2 months before him and i got together. It worries me that he was fantasizing about hurting her and k*lling her right up until him and i got together. It worries me that he has saved videos of bulemic tendencies, and i also found a lot of personal notes about how he wants to bl*w his parents brains out. He makes frequent comments about wanting to hurt people but i figure it’s just satire, he has been violent around me, but never to me.
I’ve been in a lot of abusive scenarios and I have a huge natural fear of men, i will admit that my boyfriend terrifies me sometimes, he verbally abused me for the first 7-8 months of our relationship really badly.
I’m not asking for pity. But how do i talk to him about this? i cant just tell him i looked through such personal notes, but it scares me knowing he actually wants to commit these deeds and that he’s very harmful to his body and mind. I don’t know what to do. He has intermittent explosive disorder, which is a lot for both of us to deal with, but i always thought he was a good boy by nature. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared he’ll hurt me, he already has such a short temper with me (and everyone else). Idk what to do:/ please help give me advice
Im scared to leave because i don’t want to be hurt by him physically , and i’m scared he’ll hurt himself if i leave
2 comments
You don’t talk to him about it. You get the fuck out. Now.
Unless you want to be a statistic, take him at face value.
Please love and value yourself enough to gtfo.
I think this is the kind of situation where you find a safe person to stay with in a place that he doesn’t know about. If you live with him, take your things and go. You’re in danger, it isnt worth trying to reason. This is someone who has been abusive, has angry outbursts and extremely violent thoughts. Call him and tell him you need to end things and hang up. Don’t talk to him. It seems like you’re at risk of being manipulated into staying in an unsafe situation. You might be able to get a police escort or someone you know to help you get your things. Make sure he can’t find your location on snapchat or something. Get to a safe place first and foremost then go from there.