For context:
We are together for now almost a year and I moved to her country so we can live together. Her mother does only since recently know about me due to the cultural differences. (Children,Marriage etc)
She also told me only since I’m here, that her family actually wanted to have an „arranged marriage“ with someone she knows for years. This is kinda off the table, since she made clear she doesn’t want that and her family is also not too pushy about it. More like „we are scared you end up alone“
The thing that worries me, is the Ex she has, which also lives in a different country she constantly speaks to. I know that he was mentally abusive, got my GF depression and actually he broke up.
She brings him up from time to time, mostly in a reference to her past, what she did with him, what they talked about etc. I told her it bothers me, but she always justifies it.
2 weeks ago, when I came back from a business trip abroad, she was overly exited to see me. I found that kinda suspicious and I checked her Phone. The week I was gone, she texted with him on a daily basis with the reason „I didn’t have time and was stressed because of work“ which is true.
It got the point where she stated crying and saying that she has little to no friends, which I can confirm and know.
Back then I told her if she really wants to be friends with him, we’ll then this is what it is.
Even tho I reminded her which type of bad person he is and he just tries to get things out of my gf.
I’m not worried about her leaving me for him or cheating in any sense.
They have common interests, Books,Art, Classic music- which I started liking too a year ago, but obviously I’m not as educated as any of them.
What bothers me,is that she rather talks to him about things then with me. Even when I’m here, working in home office and she is in our bedroom, she rather texts him then talking to me.
The question is, am I to ignorant for still thinking she should stop talking to him?
Am I to brain washed by social media that „talking to our ex“ is always a bad thing?
1 comment
“. I told her it bothers me, but she always justifies it.”
That means her nostalgia is more important to her than respecting her current relationship with you and your feelings.
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“. The week I was gone, she texted with him on a daily basis with the reason „I didn’t have time and was stressed because of work“ which is true.”
Hogwash. She’s gaslighting you. She can’t talk to any of the other 6 billion people on the planet to kill time but her ex? Is she that attention-needy that thinks this “justifies” her disrespect to you? C’mon, man………….this is absurd.
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“It got the point where she stated crying and saying that she has little to no friends, which I can confirm and know.”
Don’t fall for the “water works” and the act to play on your sympathy. I would rather be without friends completely AND respect my relationship with my partner……as opposed to “leaning” on my ex.
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“What bothers me,is that she rather talks to him about things then with me. Even when I’m here, working in home office and she is in our bedroom, she rather texts him then talking to me.”
Youre in denial, dude. If push comes to shove and she had to pick one person to be in her life……….you or him. She’s gonna choose him, regardless of how toxic the prior relationship was. You’re her safe choice….while she’s emotionally invested him.
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I usually try to not tell people to stay together or break up, because I don’t want to push my opinion too far……….but man……..am I tempted right now……….