So I’ve (21m) been dating this girl (21f) for about 2 weeks and weve met about 6 times.
I really like her and im she feels the same way, we’ve slept together every time we’ve met, we’ve met each others flatmates/friends and we all get on really well. Everything is going incredibly, her flatmates really really liked me and same with mine for her.
We’ve got lots of plans and every time i suggest a plan to do she’s really keen. Like for example we’ve been watching all the harry potters and we’ve just finished the second one but we’ve been talking about what we’re going to watch after all of it.
But shes going to Milan with one of her guy friends until sunday this week and I’ve been thinking when is a good time to ask about exclusivity. Im not worried about her seeing her male friends or anything obviously.
We’ve spoken about it before and she said shes not sure, about a month and a half or something but i asked her this much earlier on, like we just spent the past two days together. At the rate we’re going etc i feel like thats a long time. I just dont like the thought of seeing someone without it being exclusive as i can only date one person at a time.
Also we were talking HEAVILY for about 2 months prior to meeting for the first time as we were both away on summer holiday.
Everythings going great but i tend to overthink things and ive seen shes updated her hinge a couple times which doesnt make me feel incredible to be honest but all my friends say that doesnt mean anything at all which i trust. I just want to ask her to be exclusive after her coming back from holiday but that might be too early, thatd be about 3 weeks since we first met and about 3 months since we started speaking.
Thanks for reading
10 comments
Don’t. Let her ask.
Too soon bro
it might be a little too soon to ask for exclusivity. let the relationship naturally unfold and see where it takes you. you said yourself that you’re overthinking things, and that could cause problems later on if you make assumptions or jump the gun. for now, focus on spending quality time with your partner and getting to know her better. when the time is right, you’ll both know it and you’ll be able to have a conversation about exclusivity. don’t rush into it or force things, just enjoy your time together and take it one step at a time.
Too soon to ask it. And do you even have to ask? Things go naturally and if she feels that you are the only special man in her life then you don’t have to even discuss about making it exclusive. It happens by itself.
I have some experience where men have been starting to talk about marriage, having a child together, home etc. only after seeing me 2-3 times. Constantly texting and asking when could we meet. It is exhausting and puts pressure on. And mentioning marriage or living together in a phase where we don’t even know each other at all, is frightening and makes me escape.
So I suggest just enjoy the mutual time together and let things develop naturally.
Here’s a guy tip that some on Reddit will absolutely assure you is not the case (but it is):
Never ask a girl to be exclusive. You can express that you aren’t interested in dating anyone else but she must be the one to ask you.
I don’t know what doomsday cult these other commenters are on about, if you’ve known each other this long, and she’s always down to be with you when suggest stuff, it seems a great time to ask. Or at least ask what she’s looking for in your relationship, something serious, long term, casual etc. And let her know you’re interested in being exclusive.
I don’t think it’s too soon if both are feeling it. My bf asked me on date 3, about 3 weeks in from the first meet. We maybe spoke for a week before we met. He actually asked for me to be his gf and I said yes because I think it was his was of asking for exclusivity. I wasn’t over comfortable with the title for a few weeks (just seemed too soon to tell people I had a bf) but was totally happy with exclusivity. We had a huge spark and 5 months in, we defo still do.
Don’t ask, not yet, you risk over-investment, or being seen as too available. I hate that it’s this way, but you’re a guy and she’ll want to earn it a bit too.
If she’s still updating her Hinge at this point, she’s still keeping her options open and evaluating you….not ready to focus exclusively on you. Just relax, enjoy dating her, and don’t fuck it up by trying to secure her….I guarantee the guy she wants to pin down won’t be leading the charge to get her to commit.
TWO weeks, six dates, and you think exclusivity?
Try 6-8 weeks (and being pen pals doesnt count towards time)
Men should never bring this up