My (27F) boyfriend (26M) is nothing like my ex

I met my ex in 2020, he was my first for a lot of things, including love. I was so head over heels I failed to see the red flags, and didn’t notice how toxic everything was until it ended. Our relationship was long distance, and in the years since I have realized that the man I thought I was with was not real. In reality, my ex was a compulsive liar who secretly did hard drugs and, I suspect heavily, was cheating. As the relationship progressed, he stopped investing in it. He gave the bare minimum of his time and effort, and never really seemed all that interested in me or spending time with me. Overall, he just was very apathetic towards the relationship whereas I was the exact opposite. I lost a lot of weight due to anxiety, and when I finally got out of the relationship I was a mess. I had a really low outlook on myself and felt generally unwanted. I’d tried so hard to make it all work without even realizing that I wasn’t the issue. In the two years that followed, I learned to love and invest wholly in myself. Better that than being with someone who isn’t good for you, or doesn’t want to be with you.

I still dated around, but nothing ever worked out. One Friday in February of this year I decided I’d rather just rock it solo and deleted Hinge. In the same lunch break I bought a ticket to the local university’s basketball game and decided I’d go by myself that evening. An hour later, my roommate texted me inviting me to happy hour before the game. I almost didn’t go. When I arrived, there were extra place settings, and she explained that she and her friends were bringing one of their friends to set us up. I ended up skipping the game, and three months later we’re official. We’ll call my boyfriend Ben. I have never met anyone as caring or selfless as him. He’s the kind of person who insists you relax while he cleans up dinner, or sends you a heating pad when your cramps are acting up without asking. It’s still honestly a bit strange for me, having someone who is so IN to me. So invested. The compliments he gives me are so thoughtful, and the way he puts effort into discovering who I am as a person is just… amazing. He asked for my favorite book yesterday so that he could read it. For Easter, he brought me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers just because. I almost cried. The last time I wanted flowers from my ex I was told exasperatedly to just grab something so he could buy them.

There’s more that he’s done, way more. Before, I always used to come on reddit and read about significant others who were so kind and thoughtful and wonderful, and wish for something like that. I’m still hesitant, and worry sometimes that there’s a catch, but I am thankful every day that I went to that happy hour.

​

TLDR: After recovering from a particularly toxic relationship, I’m dating the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever met.