I hear different answers as to how much you should actually have in common with a long term partner. Some you should share a decent amount of interests while others say you should be mostly independent. Obviously preference – but what about you?

19 comments

  2. Big things like religion and how to raise kids, political leanings? We line up on everything exactly. Anything that could be a potential relationship-ending fight down the road should be addressed early on.

    Little things like music and favorite foods? Absolutely nothing. I was an unapologetic gruff metalhead and she was a cute indie hipster girl, we looked incredibly mismatched and had no pop culture stuff in common. I remember listening to so much Animal Collective just trying to have one thing in common but I just couldn’t do it, lol. Eventually we found some of my stuff she liked enough and vice versa, but it took a while.

  3. I think there should be a good mix of both. Personally, my fiancé and I have a lot of the same interests and core values, but we also have some unique interests that the other doesn’t share and I’ve learned to share them with her. For me, it’s something enjoyable.

    As an example, she played tennis in college so she’s really into playing tennis and pickle ball. I’m a big car enthusiast and I play golf semi-competitively. We now share an interest in each others hobbies and it’s made things really fun for both of us while still having facets of our interests private to ourselves.

    However, my last ex we had the *exact* same interests and it honestly made things stale and honestly created some issues. It was to the point where friends joked we were the male/female variants of each other. But, using golf as an example, she would get upset if I wanted to play with my friends instead of playing with her or including her since she plays too. It felt like since we had the same hobbies, we were obligated to share them with each other 24/7 and there’s times we would each want our space.

    I do think, however, sharing the same core values with your partner DOES matter.

  4. We must have very similar values/views/taste and interests/hobbies as well, at least when it comes to the category. Otherwise it won’t work.

  7. Honestly, I don’t really give a shit about how much we have in common. As long as she’s hot and puts up with my bullshit, that’s all that matters. Plus, having different interests means we won’t get sick of each other too quickly. So yeah, independence is key for me. But hey, to each their own bro.

  8. I would say 75% of our interests align and if they didn’t before we started dating, they do now. We have shared our interests and some of them have stuck.

  9. Quite a lot, maybe 80-90%? It’s been great knowing that pretty much anything we find to do or places we want to go eat or the stuff we do on vacation we’re both into and so planning is really easy then. There’s been so many times where I’ll suggest something to do on a weekend and she’ll be like “I was just going to suggest that too!” and vice versa. It’s just really awesome to do fun stuff with someone else having a lot of fun with you. And getting to share that

    But there’s still independence and the key thing for a relationship is that you can still do that when your interests don’t line up. Because I like more sports or scifi movies and so it’s totally fine for me to watch those on my own. Or having me-time. And I never thought I’d be with someone who never plays videogames (Im not a massive gamer but everyone loves Mario Kart right… or not) but it’s fine because so many of our other interests align.

    There’s a lot of nice, kind, funny people out there with compatible morals. So it was that we do enjoy so many of the same things that really helped set her apart from other people I dated. Everyone like to have “fun”, as you constantly see on dating apps, but it’s being compatible in how you like to have that fun that makes someone stand out. So I’d highly recommend it.

  10. I think there needs to be a healthy mix. My wife and I share a number of interests, but also have our own things. This gives us the option to do stuff together when we want, but also go out and do things on out own when we need some time to ourselves.

  11. Tons honestly. Music, gaming, movies, TV shows (at least the Venn diagram is tight anyway), food, general approach to life, core personality (quick tempered, but quick to forgive)

    We differ on some big stuff too, but we try to compromise on that

  12. I think what is more important than sharing interests or having stuff in common is that you are both on the same wavelength and compliment each other. That is why there is such a variety when it comes to interests and personality traits, for some they happen to match up well, for others they are quite a bit different, however each couple clicks so well that they assume their shared/differing interests was what led them to each other when really it was entirely independent.

  13. We care completely different people I’m surprised we are even together still

  14. Both our core beliefs and our very favorite hobbies. In my opinion you need both the big picture commonalities- because that’s a reflection of who you are as a person- as well as the casual commonalities- because most days will be ordinary, normal, and uneventful. You need to be able to enjoy things together on those days. Those things strengthen relationships. You’re not going to be fighting about politics, religion, vision for life and life principles every day. But of course if you DONT agree on those things , there will always be a misalignment, in the relationship that no amount of hobbies can fix. It’s a complimentary cycle.

  15. We share a lot of things in common, some things bigger than others like religious views and politics. We have the same sense of random silly humor and we both love to read a lot. We really are a match made for one another 🙂 💚💚

  16. Our core value are exactly the same
    1) Family is important

    2) No drinking, smoking, going to clubs/pubs and gambling

    3) Health and fitness is important

    4) Our marriage is important and prooving each other blwrong is not the way ahead

    5) Supporting each other in difficult times and standing together strong is the way ahead.

  18. Welp, it’s time to change this subreddit to r/relationships 2.0.(male /female)Since that’s all it is now.

  19. Values, politics, beliefs about raising our kids, both risk takers, food preferences. Otherwise our tastes and interests are different.

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