I’ll keep this very short.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for around a year however I don’t think we are sexually compatible.
For context he is an ‘ass guy’, though I find that sickening. I admit I like when I get spanked but that’s as far as it goes. Along with this he is very submissive and never assertive so I have to be on top taking control which I hate.
I love my boyfriend dearly and he is perfect in every way outside of the bedroom. I have tried for months to enjoy the ‘butt stuff’ and being on top for him but it just turns me off. Recently I’ve found myself closing my eyes and thinking of porn whenever I finish. If I think of him then it turns me off because of all the anal jokes hes made.
I’m not sure where to go from here. I have tried to like his interests but I can’t. I don’t want to lose him so I’m willing to put up with pretending to be interested. I have thought breaking up with him though I really don’t want to.
Is there any way I can find his interests enjoyable? Or hopefully make him enjoy my interests?
TLDR: submissive boyfriend is into butt stuff which turns me off.
8 comments
Just break up. Sounds like your not compatible and you don’t like pegging him. That’s perfectly valid.
Don’t give yourself a complex by trying to have sex with someone when you don’t really want to.
You’re sexually incompatible and if he hasn’t taken note by now, then he won’t. I’m in a similar position where my boyfriend never takes the time to make me feel good, so at this point I just don’t give myself to him – I’m not obligated to just because we’re in a relationship (they take active work). We’ve been struggling from the start and it doesn’t seem like my love for him is enough to make me happy in the long run.
YOU are the only person that can advocate for YOU – your other half will continue wanting things to stay the same because it’s comfortable and safe (unless your lucky and have someone who’s willing to…. GROW as a person).
*To add, just because butt stuff ain’t for you, don’t call it disgusting. It’s enjoyable to other folks and they don’t need the hate for enjoying their bodies. You want me to say it’s disgusting that you can’t appreciate a submissive boyfriend? Of course not! We all have our own preferences.
OP, if you’re not into anal sex, then don’t do it; doing what you’re not comfortable doing for the sake of the rest of the relationship is weird and crosses a line.
Since you watch porn, watch together stuff that you like, and show him how to do it. Ask him to try it with you.
I hate to say it, but if you can’t find a common ground in the bedroom that you both enjoy, it’s not going to work out.
Break up, he’s not reading your hints and it will not get better. Bad sex can justify a break up, this is more than that.
As others have said, sounds like sexual incompatibility. If you full on don’t like butt stuff and he full on likes butt stuff then I’d say there’s no shame in calling it quits. The compromises that would be asked there with such a young relationship just don’t sound long term satisfying for either of ya. Sex is an important part of a relationship (for most folks) and though it’s difficult to end something for preferential differences, especially when you’re compatible in many other ways, it’s absolutely valid and if I had to guess he’d absolutely want to end it as well if he knew you felt this way.
It’s common for girls to not enjoy anal sex. It’s also generally assumed that heterosexual men aren’t going to ever find out whether they enjoy receiving it or not. It sounds like the two of you are just incompatible here. Have you discussed it with him or have you just been trying to make it work?
FYI, guys who describe themselves as “ass guys” are generally referring to their attraction to that body part (shape/firmness/squish/etc); that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll have a fixation on, or even expect/desire anal sex. I’m an ass-guy (aka the booty turns me on more than the boobs) and I’m at most able to enjoy giving anal sex, though it never really crosses my mind unless my partner suggests it. I just wanted to share this in case either a) you assumed that the sheer magnitude of “ass guys” suggested that they’re all having regular anal sex with their partner’s, or b) in case you’re dating in the future and a potential partner considrts himself an “ass guy”. It literally just means he gets hot from dat booty, usually in the context of “what do you find more of a turn on: a woman’s boobs or her ass?”
If you really want this to work out then try talking to him about it. Tell him where you want to set your boundaries.
Also, he may need a little coaching in the bedroom. His last relationship partner may have liked to be dominant and he may think that’s what all women want.
My wife and I had to learn each other’s style. It took a little time.
If you’ve told your boyfriend that you’re not into something but he keeps making “jokes” about it, it’s his way of keeping it in your mind, making sure you know that he wants it and that he doesn’t care whether or not you’re into it. He’s slowly coercing you into capitulating to his desires. There’s really nothing you can do with someone like him. Sex is a big deal and you’re not sexually compatible and he doesn’t respect your boundaries.