pretty much the title. we are in an online LDR relationship and have known each other for about a year. before we started dating, he informed me of his red flags- that he’s sometimes controlling, overheats and overthinks. however, i didn’t think much about it and since i loved him i agreed to enter a relationship with him anyway. as time has gone on, its gotten so much worse. before, he would just sulk if i hung out with someone other than him like my irl friends, but nowadays he accuses me of being selfish and rude names if i do. he never used to call me names but its become an almost daily occurrence. if i wake up late and text him late, he gets angry. if im too tired to call for more than 3 hours, he gets annoyed. when things are good, theyre amazing, but when theyre not good, its awful. im mentally exhausted. i care about him so much and the thought of letting him go hurts so much. and i don’t want to prove his negative thoughts about him right because despite everything, i love him so much. i know he cares about me but i feel so suffocated. i’ve cut off all my male friends to be with him, and i barely go outside for anything other than work at the moment. i can feel my body reacting to all the stress of this and barely having any alone time (im an introvert). i don’t know what to do. im scared if i leave he will hurt himself or spread bad things about me. this isnt how i imagined my life to be going, i feel like i have no control over any of my actions, but i dont know if i can live without him
tl;dr i dont know whether or not to leave my bf
2 comments
Dump. You know this relationship isn’t good or healthy but you are afraid of the short-term pain. But it’s like getting surgery, you need to cut away the thing that’s hurting you and then focus on healing and your recovery
Hey. I’ve been in a similar situation, that is, not wanting to leave someone because I love them and was scared they would hurt themself. It felt impossible at the time, but me leaving was the thing that pushed that person to get help, and I don’t regret it.
For what it’s worth, every sentence of your post is more alarming than the last. As an outsider, I don’t think your boyfriend is a good person. A good person who loves you would not call you names every day and be upset at you for sleeping in or do any of the other stuff you attribute to him.
I think you know what you need to do. You say your body is reacting to the stress and that you feel suffocated… you don’t deserve to feel that way, nobody does.
For practical steps, I’d say 1) call your irl friends and schedule a hangout; 2) the day of that hangout, tell him you want to break up and that you’re blocking him for a week (and block him); 3) go hang out with your friends so you aren’t alone.
After a week, if you want to talk to him again, go for it (but you don’t have to). If he somehow contacts you in the interim and says he is going to hurt himself, send the cops to his house for a wellness check, because that’s serious. If he does something stupid it will not be your fault.