[F21] asked me [M20] to ditch my friends when she refused to do the same later

The story begins as I invited her to come to my cousin’s birthday party. She didn’t want to come (it’s understandable, my whole family would be there and they can be too much, especially because she can’t really talk to them since they barely speak the same language as her), so I was fine with it and decided that after the birthday party I would go party out at a club with some friends.

You see, ever since I got into this relation (almost 3 months) I haven’t gone clubbing with my friends once. She constantly goes, in fact she had gone the day before with her friends.

The day of the birthday party she sent me a message that she wanted to see me and that I should go to her place and call it off with my friends. I said that if she wanted we could spend the day after together, she said and I quote: “I can’t tomorrow MAYBE me and my bf will do SOMETHING tomorrow”. This annoyed me, because I had this going out with my friends planned for a week beforehand, and she wanted me to call it off because her spontaneous plans with her friend. (made me feel her plans were way more important than mine) We discussed about how unfair that was, and she even admitted that I was right but she still insisted that I should go to her place. I was pretty annoyed but I really love this girl so I decided that I wouldn’t tell her that I would go to her place but I’d really ditch my friends and go to her place instead to make her a surprise, so I hung up the phone and started getting ready to go to her place.

I swear to god, the moment I finished preparing she calls me and says: “Since you aren’t coming I’m going to a guy’s home party that I met last night clubbing with my best friend”. It felt like she was getting back at me. So I explained her that I was just leaving to go to her place. Well, here comes the worst part… She says “Now I’m going to that homeparty” So… if I got it right, I was supposed to cancel my plans with my friends who I haven’t gone out for a really long time to go to you, but now that you have something planned you won’t do the same? She began saying that now she couldn’t call it off because her best friend would then get mad at her (once again, why doesn’t the same argument work for when I was supposed to call it off with my friends?).

I simply go to bed (not even went clubbing with my friends as I obviously wasn’t in the mood anymore) as I was just tired of it all and didn’t know what to do. I wake up at 4 am, look into my snapchat map and she still is at the home party. I call her. She was sleeping. She drank so she couldn’t drive home, so she was sleeping at a guy’s house who she didn’t even know 24h ago (a lot of the people in the party also stayed, according to her) I told her that if she knew she’d have to drive home she shouldn’t have drunk in the first place and I felt jealous AF I’m not going to lie I did. And she couldn’t understand it, telling me that it was normal, that sleeping there wasn’t a big deal and etc, that I was being toxic and jealous, and that I wanted to control her etc…

I told her that for me it was a big deal and that it’s ok that it isn’t a big deal for her, but it is for me so I also have the right to feel like I don’t want this anymore and now I really don’t know what to do.