Men, what do you feel has been the most challenging time of your life?

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1. College. Should’ve took a break when my mental health took a nose dive. But I didn’t and oh boy was that a mistake lol

2. Remember that health is wealth, as long as you have that anything is possible.

3. Growing up raised by emotionally abusive, alcoholic, drug-addicted parents, in neighbourhoods where crime and violence were commonplace and I faced regular, vicious and violent racism for being a white kid (I’m actually *not* white, but I look like I am).

   And I didn’t so much overcome it, as survive it. Then when I got older I put a lot of work into introspection and self-help to take the rough edges off my personality and live a more healthy and normal life, as a lot of my learned behaviour wasn’t great.

   Sorry you’re going through a tough time, but life tends to be a series of ups and downs. The good news is the bad times always end. But the bad news is so do the good times. Just keep moving forwards, making the best choices you can.

   That’s all any of us can do.

4. When kids were born. Not because of the kids but because my wife and I found it hard to agree on lots of things re work, money, life. Looking back we both failed to prioritize each other and are now dealing with the aftermath of that.

   Men, trust me. Fix your shit early in life. Future you will thank you.

5. I’m also in my early 30s (32). First of all, it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling and I think most people feel that at some point in their life. Don’t be afraid to keep your head up and remember what makes you unique and valuable!

   I felt that way in my mid 20s. I took a long time to finish my undergrad, and even then barely squeezed out of school with a liberal arts degree. I felt i had a lot of potential but no driving purpose to make it worth anything. I was dating someone abusive so that didn’t help anything. Perhaps in relation to everything else, I started thinking about death and impermanence a lot. Had a bit of an existential crisis where all of a sudden I began obsessing over my insignificance and that of all my actions.

   Fast forward a couple years and the girl is history and I’m in my career. I was starting out in sales and doing pretty well. I worked my ASS off, and it took all of my energy. I was taking prescription adderall and cold calling close to 200 lawyers a day, so my workdays were extremely intense. I found myself questioning the value of my work and what it was all for.

   I ended up leaving that company which was a bit toxic anyway and my work life improved at my next two jobs, but because of my lack of innate drive, i was fired from those. Within a year and a half i found myself moving back to my hometown and leaving sales.

   I got a job through a family member in cargo shipping. Not on a ship, but working with the ships. I went from making six figures at my sales career to making $15 an hour, doing manual jobs like hauling ship lines at 3am or carrying off trash from the ships. Some of these ships used very thin bags too and more than once i got rotten curry and rice all over my clothes. One time i tossed a bag down and a maggot popped straight to the back of my throat.

   But there was so much beauty in that job, working with my hands, watching the sun come up over a pristine port, talking to people from all over the world, especially during covid, when we all were experiencing that weird time together globally. I tried to get a masters in my liberal arts field too, and actually did really well.

   Here’s what happened next: I start dating this girl. Now i won’t say you need a girlfriend to look at your life, but I did. Our first date was literally the week i turned thirty, so maybe that has something to do with it. But also it was a “mature” relationship, one that you can see your future in a little more. I looked at my finances, which i hadnt considered seriously since getting my credit card while in sales. I calculated the time it would take to reach my academic and new career goals.

   Too long. Too much debt. Did i see a life with this woman? Did i want kids? Where did i want to live? I realized that maybe the things I had taken for granted weren’t guaranteed. In fact, nothing was guaranteed. People seem to think things are all going to work out when we get older and it’s not necessarily true.

   Luckily, my division of that logistics company was dissolved after I spent two years there. I say luckily because it was my catalyst for change. My new girlfriend was in sales and I realized how much I enjoyed talking about it. I decided to give it a try again. But this time with a solid company, one with a role that would play to my strengths. Of course, i had been tying up ships and collecting international garbage for two years, so I had to take a step back to a role others were getting straight out of college. I didn’t even make the cut after my interviews, but stayed in contact and was hired 8 months later.

   In my new role, I was the only person with experience and I crushed it. It felt good to be overqualified for once. I was promoted after 4 months and then promoted again after another 3. I’m in my second year here and consistently top ten out of hundreds of reps. I stopped my schooling because I decided it was unwise to pay tens of thousands to search for something priceless — meaning and discipline.

   I think about my future constantly now. It’s like standing at the foot of a mountain. A mountain covered in magnificent cities, all with their own stories and experiences. We don’t even know what’s up there, but all we have to do is climb it to find out. That may not always be easy. For years i stood at the bottom, wondering which path up the mountain was easiest, most interesting, ‘correct’… whatever. I’m sure our challenges are different and personal to us as individuals, but I would say to recognize your challenges and understand what overcoming them would mean for you. Or even better: imagine what you’d like to find most on the mountain. A place where you can help people? Knowledge? Wealth? Family? Understand what that is for you and calculate exactly what you have to overcome to get there.

   It’s something I never really understood or did before. I think curiosity and overcoming adversity are the central drivers of purpose. After all, meaning only exists in its correlation to its causes and effects. Once you’ve helped yourself, you can help others. A wise man once said, you’ve gotta save yourself before you save the world. The exploration of life is always fascinating, always meaningful, and inexhaustible.

   Edit: typos

6. Honestly, I’ve had so many times I’ve felt challenged to the point where it’s overwhelming that I could make a long list.

   But here’s the thing: shit happens. Sometimes it’s start-over-from-scratch shit, sometimes it’s just dammit-that-sucks shit. What matters is how you choose to deal with it.

   Sometimes you just need a reset time. By that I mean you just need to take care of your basic needs, and not try to replace what you’ve lost. I’m sorry about your relationship ending, as well as your business problems. You said your business is on life support, is it something that could be turned around, or is there no hope? If it’s a matter of surviving until things turn around, maybe you need a silent partner to help. I can’t really offer business advice, but I can tell you that sometimes you just have to make it through that day. If that feels too hard, make it to lunch. Then make it to dinner. Make it to bedtime. Get a routine going and focus on maintaining the routine. Figure out what can make your day easier. Keep busy. This is the kind of stuff I did when my first wife passed away. It’s not easy, but you can do it.

7. Now. After a bunch of bad financial decisions that are all my fault, I’m slowly digging my way out of the hole. Got a second and paying off my debt little by little each month. I’m broke, tired, depressed (I hesitate to use this word because I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but I’m not sure what else to call it tbh), confused, lost, angry (at myself), etc etc

   But…I’m nothing if not stubborn. Soooo, back to work I go.

8. There is a point in every mans life, generally mid to late 20s, where he needs to define the person that he is going to be.

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   You grow restless of who you are. You feel shame for not accomplishing as much as you could have but at the same time, you are still limited in opportunity. This time is what defines you as a person and in my opinion is the most difficult time in anyones life.

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   I went through this and every man I know has gone through it. It’s painful, it’s a lot of self reflection, it’s filled with hardships. But if you can find a way to the other side, it’s smooth sailing from there.

   Take care of your body, find your career, find your passion, find your love, find your family, find your home. These are some of the hurdles that we face.

9. Being unemployed after a 17 year career at one company.

   I haven’t overcome it yet, but I’m close, with interviews coming up. But here’s what I’ve been doing:

   * learning new skills
   * reflecting on my career and evaluating what my strengths and weaknesses are
   * running/exercising
   * eating healthier
   * sleeping
   * having fun

   What kind of business do you have?

10. Early/Mid 30s for me too.

    Happening right now and honestly I’m not sure how to overcome all the challenges. I’m having serious issues with my marriage and mental/physical health. Just spent so many years ignoring both. Have family members growing older, lost my favorite pet, lost friends. Ran into an ex I hadn’t seen in 10+ years and it broke something inside me. Like how can seeing one person make me feel every single emotion all at once? It sort of was the “straw that broke the camel’s back.” It’s just all creating the perfect storm of awfulness.

    My two kids are my entire life right now. I just hope I can do whatever I can to be there for them and be the best dad possible.

    All I can do is keep powering through and try to focus on the positives in life more than the negatives. Try to stop worrying about other people and shit that I cannot control.

11. Mid to late 20’s, hardcore alcoholism.

    Had a kid and got sober 6 months before he was born, been sober ever since and think about my boy any time I get a craving. At times when I would have given up or quit in the past I think about my family and it keeps me going.

12. Covid and my divorce happened at the same time. Ex wife hit me with the “I dont love you, and I found someone else.” So I move out in April 2020, and that was surreal because of the lock downs, not being able to go out and get my mind off things I had to figure out how to do it in isolation. Also I am and was an ICU nurse during covid, which was draining emotionally and physically in itself. I worked nights and would go home and cry and drink myself to sleep in the morning, then get up and do it over and over. I became numb and was a shell of myself.

    Time was what helped, and knowing that things wouldn’t be like this forever. As covid lightened up, I was able to pick up the pieces , meet new people, and form new relationships. I learned a lot about myself during that time and realized that I am way stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

13. Late 20s I was depressed and working retail when the 2008 recession cut my income down to like $30k/year from $80kish.

    I quit my job and moved in with my parents and went back to school to get my degree, I graduated and got my career on track.

    Mid 30s I had a disastrous relationship and developed a heavy drinking problem along with a host of other issues. I had to go to therapy and AA to get sober for good.

    Last year my fathers health deteriorated dramatically and was a lot of stress on me, as I was the primary caregiver. He passed away a couple of months ago.

    Each scenario required different learning. They were all painful. I did grow stronger at the end each time- it required honest self evaluation, self care, and asking for help.

    Good luck

14. Early-mid 30’s post divorce while working a shitty job.

    I overcame it by eventually meeting my current wife and landing a great job that got me out of poverty.

15. Right now. I’ll let you know if I overcome it

16. I hesitate to say “Now” because every time I want to say that life gets worse and harder.

17. 8 months ago when my ex (who I thought was the love of my life) broke up with me

18. 29-31 years old was the darkest years of my life and were loved in survival mode

19. Crippling opiate addiction from 17-24. From taking hydrocodone at a very early age (12) to 20 a day to OxyContin to heroin. Snowball is an understatement,all while knowing your steadily fucking up your life and everyone’s around you who has a hand in your life. Hardest worker in the world but if I did not have opiates I’d be here today, gone tomorrow. Rehab after rehab, program after program.. No doubt about it being the toughest thing I’ve ever dealt with. The high wore off around 19 when you realize it’s a serious problem and then it becomes Groundhog Day. Every. Single. Day. I had a clean and sober girlfriend who loved me till death, I let her down so many times. I made her cry by trying and falling more times then I’ll ever remember. I went through all this trying to get better, I couldn’t. I had 2 kids, I could look into their eyes with the most love and joy a person could have, I still do, but I still had to answer everyone’s questions of “why are they not enough?” I couldn’t answer. Finally at 24 years old, I got on a long term suboxone program.. a year later, i weened myself off of the suboxone, got a job that has turned into a career, turned into a REAL dad, a REAL husband. Everything changed, I never looked back. I’ll be 29 next month, I live a real life now, with goals and happiness and things to look forward to. Ever since I finally broke that cycle, I have never had to overcome anything even remotely as difficult. It bothers my wife sometimes when things go wrong I’m just as nonchalant and positive as can be, because deep down I know what I’m capable of now and I know that everything will pass as long as the effort is there. A time in my life I’ll absolutely never forget, this text doesn’t even do it justice, but the people who have been there know.

20. I initially wanted to say jail and prison, or living on the streets, but to be honest, it’s been everything after all that.

    I know how to run the streets, I was pretty good at it. But every time I go and try to do the right thing, and live a normal life, I have such a hard time with it. I know it might sound weird, but I have such a difficult time trying to figure out how to live a normal life and be okay with it.

21. Mid 20’s, wife and kid, not making enough money, not mature enough, just really hard.

22. Turned 27 yesterday, and somehow I am feeling like this is becoming a challenging phase in my life. I have been a freelance worker for the past four years, and everything was going great. However, by April, things took a different turn. Our company lost our high-paying clients, and this in turn thinned our finances on all ends. My girlfriend of 5 years got promoted at work, and left, further putting stress on my already struggling mental health. Our company has not recovered yet, and we are taking a beating. My mental health is still in the pits, and everyday I try to live through everything that has happened hoping it gets better. Being 27 years old, means that I still have the chance to make things right and grab life by the horns.

23. 6 year relationship ending, got herpes, pandemic started while in bad debt living in a cockroach infested apartment, that was probably one of my lowest. I was feeling pretty hopeless, but I also got bouts of hope when I found myself still grateful for all the ways I’d changed from the experiences.

    I know people seem to shit on people who “cope”, but I mean…. that’s literally how you get through life. I coped by changing my perspective, exercising gratitude, not catastrophizing everything. When you feel like you lost everything, what do you have to lose by trying something completely different.

24. Not to get too deep, but I find remembering the Buddhist adage helpful: clinging causes unsatisfactoriness (you may also hear “attachment causes suffering”).

    Your relationship is over. Clinging to it will cause you unhappiness.

    Your business may be over. Clinging to its existence will cause you unhappiness.

    The future in your mind may be over (and it was never real!). Clinging to it will cause you unhappiness.

    Imagine you no longer had any of the things that are causing you stress – what would you do then? Sometimes I find it helpful to think that way because it gives me a “true north” or something to focus on.

    The last time I did this, I ended up moving away from the town I was in and taking some time out, seeing family, etc. It was enough to bring my life into perspective and help me understand what I really cared about. Then I focused on that.

25. Early 30’s here. Born and raised on the West Coast and decided to make the move to the Midwest alone. Didn’t know a single soul out here, and had to figure life out on my own.

    Turns out that being alone and away from my support system of friends and family made me face lots of unearthed trauma and issues that I had been repressing, and they all hit me like a truck. As some point I turned to drinking to help numb the pain and ended up spiraling to the point of attempting to harm myself.

    I realized I couldn’t live like this anymore and decided to seek out help in the form of therapy. I had been to family behavioral therapy as a child (long story short: have a sibling with special needs and mom wanted to make sure we were okay), but this was my first time seeking out therapy alone.

    Honestly saved my life. First couple of sessions were hard and awkward. Didn’t like opening up and talking about my feelings. Wasn’t how I was raised. We just buried our issues and made them go away. After a few weeks, I started opening up and just poured myself out. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so much emotion. Now, we are out of the crisis zone, and we are analyzing the things in my life that have caused certain issues or tendencies. You’d be surprised how much shit from your childhood comes back to bite you in the ass.

    Still working on shit, but taking it day by day.

    I also put the effort into making honest and solid relationships with people. Forgot how valuable it is to have people you can rely on and confide in.

    Hope that helps. Best of luck to you dude.

26. When my ex(mother of my children, girlfriend of 9 years) cheated with an absolute loser. Initially I fell into a hole, started drinking heavily everyday. Then while my son was at my mothers house he had seen a picture of me when I was like 13 and told her “that’s my dad! And he’s smiling! He never smiles or laughs anymore”

    And I realized I had let my pain interfere with my ability to love my children the way they deserved. So I swallowed my shit, got serious in the gym and stopped drinking entirely.