Okay I’ll try to make this short. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year. He says he “loves eating me” but the actions don’t match. He doesn’t do it often AT ALL. I give him head all the time. I have an outie (if you don’t know what this means… I have inner labia exceeds my outer labia). Anyway, I just don’t know what do to. Is it possible my boyfriend is disgusted by my vagina?? It would break my heart and possibly be a real breaker for me. (The deal breaker is not that he won’t eat me out but that maybe he is uncomfortable by my vagina). Has anyone been in a similar experience before? Should I talk to him about this, if so then how do I word it?
TLDR; my boyfriend never eats me out and I’m worried it’s because how my vagina looks.
30 comments
Personally, I think your vulva is fine. They are all different.
You need to talk to bf about this discrepancy. It isn’t fair to you to give him pleasure and rarely get it back in return.
It’s probably just him being selfish and lazy rather than being disgusted by a perfectly normal vagina.
Does he try and sexually please you in other ways? Does he prioritise your enjoyment as much as his own?
It’s not your vagina. It’s him.
My general rule is that he doesn’t come until I do, and I recommend this rule- no penetration, no blow jobs until you get off
Well, that sucks. Maybe he’s just not into it? Have you tried talking to him about it? Communication is key in relationships.
As a girl a few years older than you, don’t put yourself out there for him if he’s not going to meet your needs during sex. Also, don’t let a man’s sexual appeal dictate your self worth (easier said than done – especially when they check some boxes you’d like in a longterm partner).
Your vagina is fine. Your boyfriend is not. Read that as many times as you need to. ❤️ A real man would care about your needs and how you feel – age doesn’t dictate that, either, I’ve learned. They either value you or they don’t.
I would talk to him about it because it could be a very different reason than what you are imagining (eg. he thinks he’s not good at it/is embarrassed, he can’t breathe in the positions you’ve tried, his tongue gets tired/sore, etc)
You’re overthinking reasons he won’t go down on you. The simplest reason is the most likely – that he just doesn’t like giving oral.
If you need that then first give him a “me first” ultimatum. If he still doesn’t do it for you then he isn’t the boyfriend you’re looking for. Say goodbye and continue your search.
Disgusted with vagina? Hell no. I’ve legit never heard of that. I mean I guess it’s possible? But every guy I’ve ever known has considered every vag he’s ever seen to be amazing.
Why though is a good question? If a guy *really* loves it, they will end up wanting it *more than you.* I *ask my wife to let me* half the time (she always gets embarrassed about it, but then once it starts forget it)
I think you need to just ask him. “hey, you say that but…. you dont walk the walk. what’s up?”
Maybe it’s something else…
It’s not how the vag looks. When a guy is into you, that part is amazing to them like someone mentioned below. A long time ago I had an immature partner that thought all vaginas looked gross and didn’t attempt to ever eat me out because “they all looked nasty”. As I said, he was immature and at the time I did take it to heart that I looked gross down there, next guy I was with who I married, first time, together intimately he went straight for it and I actually grabbed his head and pulled him back up afraid of him to see it. My husband had to coax me into letting him go down (this took weeks maybe even a month) and eventually I trusted him. He went down and actively complimented my looks and taste down below making me feel good about it.
Not saying your guy doesn’t like the look of it but if that is the issue, get a dude that appreciates what you have and makes you feel beautiful. It changes everything and makes sex great.
From personal experience, maybe you taste bad? That’s a super uncomfortable thing to have to tell your partner, so the easy solution is to just not do it often.
I love eating my girlfriend out, she never has to ask and sometimes it’s multiple times a day. You’re not really looking at someone’s vagina when you eat them out either.. I think you should bring this up to your boyfriend and abstain from sex until he can do as much for you as you do for him
Talk with him about it, maybe he have preferences and are not met.
An elevator that won’t go down isn’t really worth riding, is it?
Kidding aside, sex should be equally pleasurable for all parties. Yes, you should talk to him about this and be assertive in what you need from your sexual relationship. It’s worrying that he doesn’t take initiative in pleasuring you, but it’s not a one way street. Tell him what you want and how you want it, especially during sex. If he just wants to “shove it in”, you can stop him and ask for something else!
It may be awkward at first but you need to take charge in your sexual encounters. Stand up for yourself and put your needs firmly next to his. If he doesn’t like that, well, then he’s not the guy for you. I’m sure you don’t orgasm from giving him oral, but you do it anyway because you like to do something nice for him and gain pleasure from that. He can do the same.
There’s only one option here. He already said he ‘loves doing it’ so approach him, and ask him to eat you out more. Or give less BJs till he does
It’s him. I love eating my gf over pretty much anything else. Hearing how she likes it is the biggest turn on.
“Should I talk to him about this?”
Yes. Relationships need communication.
He probably does not like doing it, but does not want to say it out loud. If it is deal breaker for you, telling you he does not like doing it means breaking up, so he will be afraid to say so. So, decide if it is breakup worthy or not.
Also, on related note, I am having fundamental issue with the “if man do not want to engage in this or that sexual activity, he is lazy asshole. Only women are allowed to not like going down on others, their no should be respected” that seems to be popular on this sub.
Both of you have right to refuse going down on the other. And both of you have right to seek partner who want the same sexual activities.
This happened to me once. I love eating girls out and I told the girl I was fooling around with. I went down on her and she absolutely stank. Like I almost retched. I tried having her take showers with me after that but she never took the hint and always refused. Then she got really confused why I never wanted to go down on her.
Not saying that’s what happening here, but make sure you aren’t looking for it after a long day of work and no shower.
Match his energy. Only reciprocal head.
Don’t waste your time with someone who won’t eat you out.
Fellow outie. It’s not likely that he thinks you’re gross. My guess is he’s gotten used to not going down and/or he’s not confident in his skills. I’d start with “I’d love for you to go down on me” or “I love it when you eat me out” early in the next sexual experience and see if he takes the hint. You can even guide his face downwards when you’re kissing (not hard – just guide him if he’s up for it, if he resists stop).
If none of these are comfortable then it may need a direct conversion. “Hey, you say you love eating me out, but you rarely go down on me. Is there a reason for that?”
He may not be vulnerable right away, I’d probably ask a couple times in different ways so he has some time to think about it in between. Ex. “I know we spoke about this last week, but I wanted to check in again. Are you sure there’s nothing going on around oral? I feel a bit neglected, but I want to know if it’s something I can help.”
He may not even realize he’s unconsciously avoiding it because he feels unconfident, for example.
Not eating it is a fine deal breaker
About 90% or more of women have it where their inner labia protrudes beyond their outer labia. It’s one of the reasons a vulva is often compared to a flower. As a child it’s all closed up and as you age it opens.
Women have so many hang ups about their appearance I have no idea when our vulva entered the conversation but I despair. All vulva are beautiful. No matter what happens with this situation know that it has nothing to do with your appearance.
Maybe he considers if you’ve showered recently before deciding if he’s going to do it or not, just a guess.
A real man should always be after pleasing her woman, especially satisfying her in end ..sexual encounters especially how ravaging they are and both of you parties taking part, makes the roots of your connection. If he doesn’t like that, or never even attempted. He is definitely an action dead person. Don’tet this make you feel worthless, .you much more than this lady. You got this, if he ain’t eating your cookings don’t force him to eat ..dude might be full already.
Stop offering yourself to him.find out why, if not, you deserve better ..🤸 leave happily.
As a 31 year old female married to a man now 5 years and been together 10 years total and he has never eaten me out. He said when he was younger he saw on the Internet some guy got a flesh eating disease from eating out a girl and now he thinks he will get that. I personally think it’s how I look as well. The deal is we just both don’t get any. I don’t give anymore.
i dont see what would be wrong with your vulva. outies are perfectly natural and normal, people who shame them are childish misogynists.
idk what your boyfriend’s problem is, but i would say you don’t need to give him head if he won’t give you head.
Reaction is key here. If he feels you’re not feeling it, he won’t do it very often. Moan! And if he’s not doing it right, guide him gently. Talk to him, though. If he’s sexually attracted to you it shouldn’t matter if you have an outtie or an innie. And maybe he just doesn’t like giving oral. Some guys don’t. Open a space for conversation so both of you can be comfortable in your sex life.
Yes what? That’s your Boyfriend you have to talk to him about it if you don’t feel like you can that’s a problem. Then decide what your willing to do based on the response you get.