For clarification, we are not talking about famous models or bodybuilders. We are talking about amateur hobbyists. I say this without judgement but for context.
So, the other day she sent me screenshots of a model she thought was “sketchy.” Her worry was that her family and friends might see some of the models I follow and would think I’m a creep or something. She made a decent point so I went and unfollowed several accounts without any argument.
A few hours later I remembered that she followed a lot of amateur male bodybuilders that my family might be uncomfortable with. I sent her some screenshots and said if I unfollowed models, she should unfollow bodybuilders. After all, what’s the difference between a guy posing in a thong and a woman posing in a thong? If one is a sport, the other is an art IMO.
Anyway, she got immediately defensive, said I’m always going “tit for tat”, then called me “insane” for comparing the two. I disagreed and told her that my family would view the bodybuilders like her’s would view the models.
The conclusion that my family might draw is, that she’s attracted to bodybuilders and I look nothing like a bodybuilder. She looks (and has pics) that look way closer to a model than I look to a bodybuilder.
For some additional context, the reason I follow models is because I work in video and have worked with some (not all) of them before. I also follow male models. She has no professional “reason” to follow male bodybuilders. She has never competed or went to a competition and follows zero female bodybuilders. In fact, she says the reason she follows them is because they found her IG on dating apps when she was single and she just followed back… as if that’s supposed to make me feel better.
After a looong argument she still thinks I’m wrong to compare her request to mine. I can’t force her to remove anyone and I’m not going to break up with her over this but I feel disrespected and it hurts. How should I handle the situation? Am I wrong and I just can’t see it?
EDIT: Thank you for your responses so far (even the ones that are just insults)!
I just want to clarify one thing because there have been some comments wondering why someone my age has an Instagram in the first place.
This is a professional account and my username is the name of my (small) video production company. I don’t post ANYTHING personal and only post about once every month. Her account is a personal account and posts almost daily.
36 comments
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Your request is reasonable
I don’t think what you’re asking is a big ask at all, and the fact they follow her because they thought she was single is even more of a reason for her to unfollow them. Tbh I don’t either of you to should have to do this, but she is the one who made this a big deal, but is unwilling to follow her own request? My questions is where does this end? Will she tell you not to be around any females in person but will give every excuse in the book not to stop hanging out with other guys in person? She needs to put her money where her mouth is.
Got to love the double standards.
I don’t think you’re wrong and I think they’re comparable. She just wants to follow them and you can’t.
She’s wrong. She is just showing her complete double standard views. And this is just the tip of the iceberg… Hate to say it.
She has no interest in body building? My daughter did body building for a year and won parts of a competition. If she has no interest, it is a reasonable request you make. If she has interest, ask her to follow female bodybuilders
I’m a woman, I see your request as completely reasonable
I wouldn’t ask someone to do something that I wasn’t willing to do myself. Sounds like you have a more valid reason for following certain accounts. Perhaps she stated following said accounts due to jealousy. I wouldn’t be mad at my SO for doing something I’m actively engaging in either. Stand your ground as your feelings and requests are VALID.
You are 35 and having this argument? Sure you’re not 16?
Jesus Christ
Asking that standards be consistent isn’t “tit for tat.”
Dude we both just deleted Instagram. Shit is dumb.
The age gap once again
Reddit is at it again.
I thought, fine, that’s equal when I read the title. When I read the body of your post, I thought, you’ve got to be kidding me.
The scary part here is the way that you explain your thoughts.
>a few hours later I remembered that she followed a lot of amateur male bodybuilders *that my family might be uncomfortable with*
Be real. You couldn’t be upfront enough to say, “hey I actually have an issue with this, why are you comfortable following body builders and uncomfortable with me following IG women?”
Instead, you gave a very sneaky, passive aggressive and a gaslighting response.
You very well know the societal connotation *plus* the reason men follow IG models that are scantily clad. IG models, not women bodybuilders. IG models are in the realm of sex work.
You’re dating a 25yo and wondering why she’s immature. Friend, you *know* why. Dating that much younger at your age is a grab bag of possibilities and you’ve found the one who hasn’t quite matured to her own age, let alone enough to justify you wasting your time on her.
Having consistency in a relationship isn’t “tit for tat”, it’s the *expectation*. She’s not a fit partner for you. Move on.
I don’t think your request is unreasonable. But you’re 35 years old mate. Why are you entertaining childish social media games?
God i fucking hate this 20s something social media generation. Thank the heavens I didn’t have this when I was 25 and under.
Perfectly fair though I’m curious about the bigger issue of always tit for tat
This request is perfectly reasonable but apparently you have a habit of “tit for tat” and maybe that should be addressed
As a woman. I would absolutely unfollow any male models if my boyfriend asked me to.
You aren’t following scantily clad, big chested young women in suggestive poses because it’s art. It’s soft core porn eye candy.
She isn’t asking you to unfollow them because of “family”. It’s because she herself is uncomfortable and insecure
You are also not asking her to unfollow the bodybuilders because of “family”. Unlike her you aren’t jealous or insecure, just petty.
This is the wrong approach to things all around.
I think you’re both making up things to be mad about which is not a good sign. Her request is a bit much. If her family is stalking your followers I would say they are in the wrong and you shouldn’t make decisions based on that. Your rebuttal is fair, but you shouldn’t have submitted to her request in the first place unless she was the personally offended.
You were not thinking that your family would think she likes bodybuilders. You were going tit for tat just like she said. Don’t be that guy. Don’t be petty. Don’t be less mature than your ten years your junior gf.
Huh huh huh, I said “tit”.
Mmm, I’m going to go against the grain here and say it might more nuanced than the “double standards” argument. It really comes down to how each individual feels about their partner’s actions and the reasons behind them.
On the surface, you’re using her same logic to ask her to unfollow body builders. But are you actually concerned about how your family will view them, or are you just piggybacking off of something that she brought up even if it doesn’t matter much to you? Honestly I can kind of understand her tit-for-tat comment. (By the way, it was considerate of you to listen to her and unfollow the models.)
But even though both of your concerns are valid, they could be based on totally different reasons with different emotions attached to them. And it’s really hard to feel heard and understood if the partner’s response to a concern is “well, but YOU…(xyz).”
Body building IGs probably offer useful or maybe questionable health advice. You on the other hand are just a thirsty mf
Honestly, it’s all tacky. If you respect your partner because you are a respectful man, you wouldn’t even need to be asked to stop following them—you already wouldn’t be. If you truly have an issue with her following then you have an issue with her values and behavior that you can talk about and that is totally reasonable. Tit-for-tat here is valid to call our hypocrisy but does nothing to address the issue for you, and her, which is what degree of fidelity you have individually and how you communicate. Her following previous possible suitors is inappropriate but your response and your following women for visual stimulation seems worse if they were added during your relationship or if you have engaged with likes, comments, or saves.
I think you’re both full of it trying to pin your own discomfort with your partner publicly following members of the opposite sex who like to display their bodies on “what would my family think.” But if she doesn’t want you doing it, it’s only fair that she respect that same boundary.
Your 35 and follow insta models?? Ick. 😭😭 especially if u have no chance getting with them.
I need to ask, whose families are going through your instagram profile to check who you follow?
🙄
I’m surprised that two adults are policing each other’s social media. This whole exchange is incredibly juvenile. Of course, with you being an entire decade older, it reflects much more poorly on you.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. This is what happens when you are in your mid 30s and choose to date a girl, not a woman. She’s clearly immature, even for 25.
Are you actually bothered by the male models on her Instagram or are you just trying to prove a point
1. This is obviously tit for tat, but also fair is fair
2. Both of your requests could be either reasonable or unreasonable
3. If she’s into fitness following bodybuilders makes sense
4. If you’re a video production company following public figures makes sense
5. If either of you are following those people because they’re hot, and not because of what they’re doing or the quality of the content you probably shouldn’t be following them in the first place if that would bother your partner
6. Y’all both are too insecure and this shouldn’t really be such a big deal, but more significantly the way you’re at odds about it seems petty
7. You guys should do whatever is fair and makes things peaceful
Date someone mentally closer to you in age.
It does sound like a pretty immature, unnecessarily dramatic situation. Maybe you need a partner closer to your own age.
Are you both 16??? This is the dumbest argument
Why would her family even be looking at who you follow? Who actually cares?
You follow models in thongs on your professional account you rarely use?