Hi!
I (22M) met this girl (21F) a year ago at the gym. After exchanging greetings a few times, she asked me out. Not fully understanding her intentions because of the way she said it, I didn’t respond seriously and let it pass. She didn’t say anything more, and we both changed our workout schedules until two months ago when we started training at the same time again, and she asked me out another time, and I accepted. We started seeing and talking to each other several times during these weeks, including a dinner, walks, and some other outings. We hugged, and there was some physical contact, but nothing more. I didn’t make any significant moves to kiss her because I felt there was something holding her back, even though she might have wanted to. Both of us lacked prior experience, and I thought that might be her issue at this age, some shyness. I told her clearly that I also had no past experiences, partly to reassure her that we were at the same point.

Both of us realized this “issue,” and we even organized a hiking trip together since we are both passionate about it. It was a fantastic day, but still, no significant progress was made. I pointed out to her that she needed to open up a bit more, that she seemed too reserved at times, and she needed to give me a “green light” if she wanted things to progress physically, after weeks of seeing each other.

Then, I decided to take the situation in hand and talked to her after a few days. I mentioned that while we both wanted to see each other, if we couldn’t make any progress after weeks, perhaps there was something wrong. Unfortunately, a few days later, she revealed to me that there was a reason behind her behavior. She had experienced trauma and physical abuse in the past, both sexually and non-sexually, and she couldn’t move past this point. She believed that asking me out was a huge step for her, but now she faced an even bigger one that she didn’t expect.

I reassured her that I was there for her and that if I hadn’t walked away despite all these weeks of stagnation, there was a reason. She told me that she didn’t want to keep me waiting, even though she wanted me by her side. She said that until she could resolve this “block” she has, she would be happy if we could try again in the future. I repeated that I was there for her if she needed to talk or anything else. She thanked me, and for two to three weeks, we didn’t see or hear from each other.

Now, for a few days, we’ve been seeing each other again at the gym, working out together at the same time. She’s the one who suggests it multiple times, and she makes plans for the next day, which I’m happy about. We also talk after the workout even for an hour. I would like to bring up the topic to make her understand that I believe this “block” can be overcome with someone else and not on her own, and with the right person, she is working for her mental health on his own for several years now, she had a difficult past with his family and life in general, she always did all on her own and I really think she need someone by her side now, to take this last step forward as well. However, I think she doesn’t want to talk about it, so I haven’t said anything.

Now, I really like her, and I would like to take things further. It’s difficult for me to only talk to her like friends in the gym, especially when I can tell that she also wants more. It seems like she’s okay with this while waiting to overcome her block. Perhaps, for her, this is the right way? To talk and see each other casually and then move forward together when she’s ready for that next step?

Thanks for any advice!

6 comments
  1. Been there done that, my advice would be to run, I can’t control myself from feeling like I gotta save people when I see them hurt, but it never ends well, go find someone you can have a healthy relationship with

  2. Are you so desperate that this is the best you can do?

    “I really think she need someone by her side now, to take this last step forward as well”

    This is delusional thinking to say something like this

  3. There’s a lot for you to learn from reading your post. I can recommend some YouTubers to watch, and I will say the more videos you watch, the more you will know what to do in XYZ situation 1—anthonyspade reactions 2. Manosphere highlights daily 3. Black Filipino TV 4. Legion of men 5. living a life of abundance. 6. casual bachelor 7. Fbe capital 8. Modern life dating 9. ReplicantPhish 10. Taylor the fiend 11. The tribe cast 12. Tribe report 14. The celebrity junk 15. Oshay duke Jacksn 16. MJ get right 17. man reacts 18. better bachelor 19. amala ekpunobi

    The funniest YouTuber here is living a life of abundance, so have your popcorn ready. If you want to go deep, check out MJ Get Right and Anthonyspade reaction videos from 1-2 years ago, and everyone else brings a unique flavor to teaching you about the dating scene with women. MJ has three videos with the word validate, after watching that i got laid on the same day. the only problem is, learning this stuff at 35yr instead of 18yr where i wish i knew it to have dated a lot more in my teens and early 20s. ;/

    In 6 months or less, your brain will generate all the answers you are looking for once you have enough information from all the videos you watched of every possible dating situation you saw

    If you drive, then try to play a few videos to listen to. You’ll learn a lot faster. Get a second phone like I did if you need to separate GPS from what you are playing.

    Lastly, read the comments under each video; you may learn a thing or two. I managed to create a mini “daily reminders” to read daily just from snatching solid comments that affected me in someway to move forward in life. anyways follow this and in a few months you’ll be a whole different animal.

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