in high school, neurodivergent, ***zero*** friends in and out of school, everytime i try to make friends it falls apart, i talk to people but they often dont want to talk to me, i give people information about myself and they just respond with “oh” or “ok”, very different interests to everyone else at school, i ask open ended questions about others but the conversation never goes anywhere, i feel like i stick out in any group i try to join, no non-work-related clubs, ive been in the school for years so social circles have already been established, everytime i push myself out it always just gets really awkward and makes me look weird
what should i do?
2 comments
If you go – being a friend instead of searching for one – you would find more success. There is no mind reading.
Hi, I’m not sure I can provide any kind of really relevant advice, but…I think I was basically the same as you a few years back, when I was in high school : no friends in and out of school, feeling overall like there was a gulf between my interests and values and those of my peers, and intensely desiring friendships to the point that I idealised it completely.
For me things got easier with the years (I’m 26 now) as I grew in independence and self-assertiveness and little by little started to feel less afraid of being judged “weird” or something by the people I met. In fact I guess I started making true, meaningful friendships when I stopped trying.
So I think the advice the previous commenter gave you “be a friend to people instead of looking for friends ” is very relevant. More specifically, I think the more you project positiveness and self-assertiveness (without being needlessly confrontotional either), the more you’ll elicit positive reactions and responses around you. Basically, a genuine, unapologetic smile can go a long way. Of course, that can be hard to hear if you feel like you haven’t such good reasons to genuinely smile at life anyway. I know high school years weren’t the most vibrant for me… But overall if you try to stay positive, notice things you like and find lovely in your surroundings, and practice reminding yourself that “life is good”, that frame of mind will do you good on more than one level, not only will it make you feel more optimistic, it will also surely make you more approachable/interesting to others.
Lastly, well…my advice was perhaps useless but at least I can provide words of comfort from my own experience: recently as I was thinking about my friends and how good it felt to spend time with them I realised I kind of felt lucky in a way that I basically grew up friendless. It might be a twisted way to see things but I fear otherwise I would somehow take friendship for granted, and not fully realise how truly great it is to have friends. I wish you to experience that feeling too one day! (And frankly, I’m pretty sure you will. Hang in there, I know high school years can be tough, but I’m sure you’ll thrive eventually!)