I don’t like talking too much and my coworkers think I hate them.

9 comments

1. It can be challenging to be introverted in an extrovert world. Also, you don’t need to be close friends with your coworkers. Why do you think you’re so concerned with whether or not your coworkers like you?

2. Fuck ’em.

3. I let them feel the way they want to feel unless it affects my money.

4. I’m the same lol I’m only there for the money I could give a fuck about talking and being friends

5. Try what I do: start conversations with coworkers/whoever and keep talking in a kind of really boring way, about whatever you want, whatever comes into your head. For as long as you want. That way, they can’t say you’re antisocial or standoffish, because you do talk to them, but they will not talk to you so much or start conversations with you as much because they think you’re a boring personality. But you’re just pretending to be as boring.
   Like if you have a cat or a dog, just go on and on in a boring way about some small details about them.

6. So, it’s not that they hate you, but their perception is that you hate them, because you don’t talk?

   Well, what do you want out of this scenario?

   If you, not hating your life, hinges on that they know you don’t hate them, start thinking of solutions that will clear this up.

   Maybe wear some snarky tshirt and coffee mugs with humorous punchlines.

   Maybe wear something really nice to change up your wardrobe and take the focus off this current obstacle of talking.

   If you hate your life so much, then it must be worth some effort to change things up a bit, no?

7. Look, it might sound harsh, but it’s what the solution is:
   Realize that being introverted has little to do with social *skills*. Can you honestly say that you have worked on being socially adept?
   Your coworkers being friends with each other is great for them, but not even necessarily for you. You are much better off improving your social skills and finding your actual friends out there in the world, not at your work place.

8. I empathize! My mother is a narcissist (a textbook case) and my father was absent. My narc mother took little to no interest in socializing me and my siblings. As a result, the workplace (as well as all social situations) was hell for me.

   I have had reactions similar to what you describe my entire adult life (I’m 70.) I recall an instance where everyone in the office was invited to a party but me.

   People seem to quickly conclude that I am “different.” I’ve been called “weird” a few times, and on and on. I don’t know why but apparently I didn’t respond to things the way they expected. I worked from home before retiring and it was heaven.

   I sought therapy. My shrink said the problem was mindfulness. If I was more into the moment, I would not be socially awkward. That might be true for a mild case but not for me. I worked on it for years but it didn’t help me with most social situations where I simply did not know how to respond. Working from home was heaven.

   I worked on eye contact. Initially, I didn’t really have any. It took a couple of years but I think I got pretty good at it. It’s very nuanced.

   At times, I memorized lines from movies and tv shows that I might use in a social situation. For example, there’s a line in Breakfast at Tiffany’s where a man says to another, “I need a friend.” I thought I might use that sometime because it worked in the movie. These were always a disaster.

   I also began taking anti-depressants not long after they came on the market. It helped a lot but it was not and is not a panacea. They help me keep from getting really depressed which helps.

   Looking back, I think I would have gotten specific help from a therapist who specialized in helping others acquire social skills although I’m not sure they existed back in the day.

   Just so you know, many people can relate to your situation. You’re far from alone.

9. My former supervisor : “It kind of bothers the rest of the team because you dont talk much, many of them find it creepy”

   Me: “I’m mainly here to work and make a paycheck so I can have food and shelter, I cant control what others think of me. Would you rather me slack off and socialize at every possible moment?”

   Her: “That is a very fair point”