17 F here. I feel very lonely. I want to learn how to enjoy being alone. I’m not as extroverted as I used to be two years ago, but I was pretty much always initiating. Always making plans with others. Always texting and checking up on others. But people never reciprocated. So I kinda just stopped. And I feel lonely. Very lonely. I ruminate on the past a lot and feel very much in my head. I’m not depressed or anything, because I still go out with friends once in a while, and talk to people occasionally at school, but I just wanna know how to combat this.
21 comments
Maybe try finding hobbies you enjoy doing on your own like reading or watching funny videos
Learn an instrument. Practice a shit ton by yourself. Eventually, you’ll be really good at it, and a whole lot of people will suddenly want to be your friend.
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Try taking walks or riding a bike. You can listen to podcasts or music(especially music that increases your mood). You will see that being alone is not that bad. You will have times where you will have people in your life and they might show the love and interest you deserve. You will change, people will change and by time everyone finds its value. So try to be a good person at every moment of life and good things will come.
Sit down quietly and observe how your mind functions. There is a steady flow of thoughts and feelings and reactions there. Watch the whole of it for long stretches of time the way you watch a river or a movie. You will soon find it so much more absorbing than any river or movie. And so much more life-giving and liberating. After all can you even be said to be alive if you are not even conscious of your own thoughts and reactions? The unaware life, it is said, is not worth living. It cannot even be called life; it is a mechanical, robot existence; a sleep, an unconsciousness, a death
Reading, gaming , yoga ,watching streamers, going to the gym going to cinema, ordering take out
Find something you like that don’t require other people’s presence like reading, shooting, exercise, or anything that requires concentration, you want to concentrate on yourself bc loving yourself attracts. Soon you won’t wanna hangout with anyone but they’ll wanna hangout with you. Stay positive
I think it’s an age thing
Im the same people never did the same back so I just stopped and focused what I wanted easier
Adhere to a proper sleeping schedule, try to find an achievable goal to work towards.
Other than that, it differs. I like to read / fix stuff while listening to music, and if I need social contact other than texting I play games with friends.
Depends on what you personally like, but having good sleep helps a lot with motivation
No age thing. Loneliness sucks. 35 been struggling my whole life. Finally started reading a bunch on attachment issues and how to be a better person in general. Audio books are helpful. Crosswords/wordsearches… I have dogs. So.. I am quite active w them. But trust me. Loneliness still sets in hard often. Sucks. You are not “alone ” lol pun intended.
Honestly, I think it’s just about finding a routine set of activities you enjoy that you can do often. Once you find that, your happiness in your alone time will preced that of hanging out with people.
For me it’s doing lots of reading, lots of thinking, singing to music, gaming, and watching YouTube videos when I’m doing some house cleaning. This is pretty much my routine, and I haven’t gotten tired of it. I feel that this may be because there’s always new things to read, new songs to listen to, etc, so I’m pretty much constantly entertained.
I will say it really is an amazing feeling, if that encourages you to strive for it even more. Most days, I’m extremely happy, by my own company! I find it crazy that some people just cannot be alone.
Edit: Also try to talk to yourself out loud when you’re doing stuff. Not in a schizophrenic way. Just speak your thoughts out loud. I do this a lot, and it’s kind of like I’m in the company of myself.
I don;t know. All i can do is act like im not hurting and watch tv, play games. I;m sorry but being alone hurts. I grew up with awful lonely parents who made me alone. I focus on video games, tv, movies.
I really hope this doesn’t sound condescending and I know I don’t you or your past but in my opinion at 17 years old you haven’t wasted enough life to have much to ruminate over. 17 is a great age to think about where you really want to be by age 30 and work hard towards it, not to ruminate over the past.
I feel like a lot of people are afraid of doing things alone bc they don’t want to be pitied or are self conscious. Don’t conflate being alone with being lonely. This changes with age and how much you practice doing things alone. If you do it enough, it will feel freeing and sometimes the preferred way to do things. I hated doing things alone and would always go out with friends, but schedules never aligned and people had lives. I eventually got pushed out of my comfort zone when I had to travel alone for work in my late 20’s. I took an extra day off and explored cities by myself, ate at restaurants and even went to museums by myself. It felt very scary at first but now I love it. I make it a point to do something by myself every now and then. I’ve fallen off the alone time train recently and now I have to start from scratch, but I like to start off by going to the theater alone and then grab a bite to eat after. It’s low key enough and no one at the theater cares if you watch a movie by yourself.
Tbh it’s about finding things u like to do, regardless of other people being there. You’ll find things, just experiment w different hobbies
Agree with the points above in finding things you’d enjoy doing by yourself. But perhaps an interesting way to approach that is to know more about your “self-love language”. Translate the things you enjoy doing with others or love being done for you into something that you can do for yourself.
Say, if you love receiving words of affirmation, then maybe you’d love journaling or working on having a more positive self-talk. If you think acts of service is your thing then consider making healthy meals for yourself or learning new skills.
Explore things and find what hobbies make you happy. Reflecting and understanding my values (which are always flexible) has also helped me build my own confidence as a person. Read fiction, non fiction, watch movies of different genres, try video gaming, cooking, golfing etc.
Jesus is always there with you. He loves you more than anyone in this whole world
Walk, music is amazing, try podcasts. Go/watch movies. Get into photography or something that appreciates beauty of things.
Way back in the day a friend and I planned on going to Europe together. He couldn’t go and canceled last minute. I could not think of doing the trip by myself, but I forced myself. It was the best trip ever. Meeting people became so easy and yet I could travel alone when I wanted. Funny thing is my preference became being alone. It opens up,so many opportunities that may not have happened if I was with someone because we would always be bouncing of each others energy. Look at being alone as an opportunity to meet new people, read what you want, listen to the music you prefer, be with someone else when you choose to be. I’m not anti social because I enjoy being with people, but if I’m not in the mood, it’s all good. You have a lifetime ahead of you. It ain’t always easy but if you can start to enjoy your time alone more often, the ride will be much smoother.