**tl;dr**: My Bf of two months is coming at me too strong. Should I stay or leave him?
So my long distance bf of two months have a strong feeling for me. He asked me to be his gf after 2 dates, because I was leaving the country. We had 4 dates total. He said he loves me on the date 4. Since then he talks about living with me, having kids with me, and how many kids he wants, and how he sees his future with me everyday. On the other hand, I don’t feel THAT strong about him yet. Not to mention that I didn’t get a chance to spend a lot of time with him and being in a long distance relationship doesn’t help. But I also don’t want to lose him, so I wanted keep in touch and wanted to see how things will go. I don’t think I am ready to have kids, but when I mention this to him he gets hurt and stops talking to me. So I found myself saying things that he wants to hear, so he wouldn’t get hurt.
He is a good guy and he’s willing to do anything to be with me. He said he never felt this way before, and also afraid to lose me. But when he’s coming this strong, I kinda pulls away and I get sad sometimes that I may have to end things with him. I know that it’s because I don’t know him very well and didn’t spend much time with him, and also I may not be ready to settle, but he is. My feelings are growing and I like talking with him, but not as strong as his feelings are. He also doesn’t want me to follow and be friends with any other guys online and in real life except my cousins. So I unfollowed everyone, because I thought he is worth it. But sometimes I wonder if that’s a red flag.
The thought that I would be losing a good guy leaves me with a hesitation whether to stay or let him go. I really don’t know what to do and I know I should decide my own relationship and life, but I just wanted to get insights from other people.
2 comments
He’s already isolating you, listen to your gut, this is not someone who “loves” you, this is someone who enjoys possessing you.
I do think the things you’ve brought up are red flags – some I think are bigger and more obvious than others. Your feelings towards him at this point in your relationship are completely normal, even if you two have an incredibly strong connection. I think the fact that his feelings are where they are already, despite only having been on 4 dates, dating for just a couple of months, and having spent minimal time together in person, to the point where he feels he’s certain and ready to live with you, have kids, etc., means that there’s something else going on here. There are a lot of things about someone that could cause someone to move so quickly (at least emotionally, etc.) in a relationship, so it’s hard to know if it’s something to worry about/run from for sure (but it can be). Another red flag to me is just his response towards you when you were honest with him about your feelings at this point – like his emotional reaction to that was also very strong, and unusual/uncalled for. I think the vast majority of adults in the US/similar cultures would expect that and would be accepting of that. Also, you’re just being honest with your feelings, and not being able to do that in any relationship because the other person couldn’t handle it and would react irrationally would be a big problem. Last, the fact that he isn’t comfortable w/ you following or being friends with any other guy online or in real life is a HUGE red flag – he’s so insecure that he needs to control you and your interactions with others in order to feel secure in your relationship. He’ll almost certainly try to control you in many more ways, possibly as many ways as he can, as a result, and this sort of thing is just abusive, but also will likely be the start of escalating abuse.