So here’s the story. About 4 years ago I broke my Ex of about 1.5 years due to my declining mental state? Honestly idek why I didn’t just communicate my issues at the time? I didn’t know what I wanted back then and around the time of the breakup I was heading down a path of addiction (Weed) and being a broke boy due to said addiction growing out of control and i was ashamed and felt that if she ever found out I would be dumped and that would push me over the edge? Idk the whole thing doesn’t even make sense when I think about it. My judgment and decision making was very clouded and I was only thinking about smoking and what I could do to afford more, since she didn’t smoke with me I basically saw our relationship as an obstacle.
While we were breaking up I told her that I didn’t love her and that I’ve never loved anyone in a Love kind of way. I said what I had to say to end the relationship basically and I’m not proud of it.
Now it’s been almost 4 years and while I have dated 2 others at the time, both of them only lasted a few months and it was never as good as what I had with my Ex. The rest of the time I have been single and trying to figure out what tf was going on with me.
Finally this year I came to terms with my addiction issue and really have been trying to stay clean. While I still get crazy cravings to smoke it’s been about 2 months since I’ve smoked and my thoughts have been clearer than ever. I’m no where near done with my growth and I’m no where near being able to say I’m “sober” but im working on it.
I’ve always thought of her here and there and wondered how she was doing, but I never reached out for the sake of not wanting to disturb her peace after what I had said and done. I really felt like a pos for ending things. But I have felt that if right person wrong time was real, it was with her.
So anyways lately I’ve been having thoughts of reaching out to her, but idk how or if I even should after all this time? So I guess I’m here to ask if that would be a bad move to reach out? Should I just let her live in peace and take my L? Or should I reach out and see if she’d be interested in revisting our relationship?
2 comments
I think a happy middle ground – reach out to say hello casually on social media or something, but don’t have any expectations of revisiting your relationship. You don’t know whether she is in a long term relationship now or what her situation is, so better to have no plans or expectations, just reach out, say hi, see where it takes you.
Reach out, tell her about your journey to getting sober, tell her you’ve been thinking about her, wish her well, and don’t expect anything back.