I’ve always been a go with the flow type person. Unfortunately that meant that people often walked all over me. I’ve recently made.a conscious decision to be more assertive and stand up for myself even if it makes me anxious. For example, I’m calling people out in their BS. I know they don’t like that, but that doesn’t make me the asshole. Like today someone in our friend group applied a double standard to me. I called them out. They weren’t happy about it and instead made excuses with no apologies. Anyway, now my friends are seeing me as an over sensitive asshole. I don’t think I’m being an asshole, I just think they aren’t used to me standing up for myself.
Am I doing something wrong?
8 comments
If you don’t stand for yourself, no one will. And if you don’t stand for yourself, others will step on you. You’ve begun to assert yourself and as you’ve found, some in your circle don’t like it. The reason is they have lost the dog they used to kick and now they must find another. Stand tall and don’t worry about what others think. You’ll find a new set of friends and you may even find that you don’t need any friends at all. Be true to yourself. You already know you’re not an AH.
Nope. You’re not an ah for doing that. They are sensing that they can’t get away with being assholes anymore around you and they don’t like that because now they have to search for someone else who won’t stand up for themselves.
I think you need to get different friends
Better than being beaten down.
If you don’t become assertive, you’re disrespecting yourself. If you do, then you’re disrespecting others.
Put yourself first, king/queen. And almost nobody will tell you this, but being assertive can take you places. So keep doing what you’re doing 💪
Screw that, be your own advocate. However know that you shouldn’t always be ready to get into arguments, especially over trivial stuff. But if someone’s making you uncomfortable, causing you some sort of harm, or just walking over you, let them know you won’t stand for that. Just don’t go too hard I guess.
When people are used to you being so easy going, they won’t like it when you stand up for yourself.
It’s hard, but if your old friends think you’re an AH, then you’re probably doing the right thing
Being assertive is a good thing, but it’s essential to know there are different ways to do it. Some people can seem a bit too aggressive, while others handle it more politely and charmingly.
If you’re new to assertiveness, you might accidentally come off as a jerk, even if that’s not your goal. This happens because as people grow up, they go through different stages in how they perceive and deal with reality. At first, it might involve anger and pride, then courage, and finally, reaching a point of being neutral and accepting.
Assertiveness requires courage, however, it may lean to the earlier (anger) or the latter stages (acceptance) of maturity. The latter stages are when you become more charming and effective with your assertiveness. Think about it this way: if someone demands a change in my behavior and does it in a way which puts me down, it would only make me defensive. But if they do the same thing in a neutral and respectful way, showing they accept me as a person but want to improve our relationship, it’s received way better.
Since you’re just starting to get the hang of being assertive and building up your confidence, your assertiveness might still have some leftover anger from your earlier years. It takes time and practice to change how you express yourself and be more neutral or even accepting.
Keep it up, you’re doing great!
No you are not, perhaps it’s time to spend time with people that want to see you strong and assertive and would in turn call you out for being overly anxious, or expressing weak character.