I 22F been dating 25M for 3 year. We are in a long distance relationship right now but before that we were not. Ever since we have this distance between us I constantly what reassurance that he still loves me. I have an anxious attachment still so I constantly wonder if he is cheating on me or not when things go out of routine. He feel Ike I don’t trust him.
We’ve been arguing because this girl keep pooping up. When I ask questions about her he answered me. He doesn’t get defensive if I don’t accuse him of cheating. I would ask him if he like her he would say “no”. I’ve been thinking about it and if he is cheating on me with her he wouldn’t tell me about her to begin with right?
Yesterday something happened that I think he might be cheating on me. He sent me a message and unsent it. The message state” Good morning love, I love you so much. I’m going to get food😘😘😘😘” . I saw it before he unsent it. We’ve been arguing and I ask him was that meant for someone else. He said no. He said that I only like to be called
“bunny” not “love” so he messed up so he unsent it. I ask him if he is cheating on me? He said no. Mind you he have never used those emojis with me before. He said he was trying to change and he was trying to do something different but I always jumped the gun. I said to him ” you didn’t have yo delete it “he said Yes if I am messing up on a message I am deleting it”. Yes I admit it even if he didn’t unseat it I would question him about it, he know I am very reactive and I like to jump the gun. So I don’t know if he genuinely unseat it because he doesn’t want me to over react or if he is cheating?
Just for back story our conversation went like:
Him: (This message was deleted ) but I saw it before he could delete it.
Goodmorning bunny
Me:I saw that what was that about
Him:I love you so very much
Me:Are you cheating on me
I saw it I read it
Him:You are bunny not love
I’m sorry
Nickname is wrong
Me:No you meant to send it to someone else
Him:Okay
Bye then
Me: Let me see
So you are cheating on me
Just be honest
Are you cheating on me with( the girl name)?
Him: No I wanted to be nice but you only want to be called bunny.
Me: why did you unseat it then?
Him: you want to freak out
Nickname is wrong
Me: you didn’t have to delete it.
Him: yes if I’m messing up on a message I am deleting it.
Me: you promise
Are you serious?
But what was all of those emoji for?
It was like “ good morning love, I love you so much I’m going to get food😘😘😘😛
Him: Yes No f*** s***
Was trying to change
Trying to do something different
But no you only just to the first thing
Me: then you shouldn’t delete the message and just leave it there.
TL;DR so do you think he is cheating or he is doing that so I won’t overreact knowing I always jump the gun to stuff like this? Is he cheating or am I just overreacting? Need advice.
3 comments
It’s hard to say, but just assuming he’s cheating no matter what he does isn’t healthy. But you’re correct even if he is cheating he isn’t going to tell you.
Even if he isn’t cheating this exchange became a fight because he refused to explain himself.
You don’t have an anxious attachment style. You’re insecure.
I know long distance relationships are hard. They require a lot of communication, and it often feels like there’s a need to message or call just to insert yourself into their life and remind them you’re still here and still present.
But there’s a difference between that need to insert yourself and being insecure. Insecurities run deeper than the need to be involved. Insecure people always feel they have to have another person reassure them, to be comforted by someone else’s words or displays of affection. Sometimes that’s not a problem, but it is *exhausting* for the other person. Rather than being something that brings you closer together, it drives a wedge between you. There’s a reason why people avoid ‘clingyness’.
To answer your question: no one knows if he’s cheating. He unsent a message because it didn’t feel like ‘him’. Maybe he is cheating, maybe he’s not.
Regardless of the answer, I think you have a lot of reflecting to do. You need to work on how secure you feel, and how you can feel more comfortable in a relationship without the need for constant reassurance. You may want to seek out therapy to discover why you feel insecure in relationships.