This is my first serious relationship that I’ve been in for 4 months now and it seemed to be going great. We’ve both had bad relationship endings in the past where I got cheated on and his ex ghosted him so I definitely understand that that affects how we are right now with each other.
Lately though, I have been feeling like that maybe he isn’t that serious about us. There have been some things we’ve both discussed and agreed on not doing because it makes us both uncomfortable but he still went out of his way to do those things and lied to me that he hadn’t and he hid it from me. I forgave him those times but it really felt like the trust had been shattered between us and that there was no going back. I asked him why he kept doing these things when he knows it would hurt me and his response to that was that me asking him not to do certain things makes him want to do them even more and he just can’t help himself.
I’ve thought about breaking up but I still want to try and make it work because I genuinely feel love for him. He says that he knows he fucked up and he really is sorry. According to him, he just doesn’t want to feel bound down by anything and wants to enjoy things. He’s been in a long term serious relationship before and I haven’t so I just feel as if maybe I am indeed asking for too much from him but something in me makes me think that maybe he’s not ready for something serious. He says that he wants to be with me and he is serious about that and when I asked him to elaborate on what we are he said “two people who exclusively love each other”.
He asked me for time to fix things and be serious but I just feel that if he really wanted to be serious about me then wouldn’t he have felt that way from the start? I made some mistakes in the start of our relationship too but I understood and really worked on them. I’ve tried pointing out things to him which he should try focusing on and would definitely improve how we both are feeling but he does it for a few days and then is back to normal.
He himself said that he keeps taking me for granted and that he doesn’t deserve me so I really should leave him.
I don’t know if I’m the one really demanding too much of him. I feel like I am but at the same time I really don’t know how to feel about stuff. I know lying and hiding stuff isn’t right especially after you agreed on it but he did say it’s because I would’ve gotten mad at him.
TLDR: My boyfriend lied and hid stuff from me so I feel that he isn’t serious but he says that he is.
2 comments
Can you elaborate a little further on some of the things he did that upset you? What did he do to make you uncomfortable?
>but he still went out of his way to do those things and lied to me that he hadn’t and he hid it from me. I forgave him those times but it really felt like the trust had been shattered between us and that there was no going back. I asked him why he kept doing these things when he knows it would hurt me and his response to that was that me asking him not to do certain things makes him want to do them even more and he just can’t help himself.
That’s all you need to look at. This is not a relationship of equals. There’s also a massive age difference which already creates an imbalance.
Things will not change. He will not magically start respecting you or your boundaries. He thinks he is doing nothing wrong and you’ll just accept it or come around in the end because his wants matter more than your needs. I don’t think you’re safe in this relationship.
Do with that information what you will.