I’m about to be 32 in less than a month…I’m wondering if this normal and I’m experiencing some sort of hormonal time clock or something; but I have never wanted kids. I remember being in 6th grade and being an advocate for adoption, having this inner voice telling me I’d be a mother but only if I adopt. I kinda spent my whole life thinking I’d never reproduce and I’d be the cool aunt or whatever. These last couple months however, have been different. I feel I am desperately looking for a boyfriend and a future spouse/husband to reproduce with. It’s the oddest feeling, and something I’m not used to feeling. I’m unsure if it’s just an age thing or maybe my viewpoints have just changed… Has anyone else experienced this or anything similar?
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Get another cat. Picking out their Halloween costumes should take your mind off that.
Is it possible that it’s a general fear of missing out? You know that after a point you can’t go back, so that might be weighing on you.
I’m 32, as well. Never wanted children and I still generally distaste them. I’ve been experiencing the same thing. My breakup earlier this year brought that desire to the forefront for me as I realized the option to do that was now not as guaranteed. I chalked it up to my viewpoint naturally changing as a lot of my views in life have, as I’ve grown.
I’m at 38M but my 32F girlfriend just ended our relationship because she decided she wanted her own kids after spending time with me and my kids. I have a 7 and 5 year old of my own.
When we first started dating she had the same thoughts as you, she never grew up wanting kids or picturing herself having kids. She has a nephew and niece my kids age that she loves being the aunt to but also being able to give them back to her sister. From what she told me she realized if she wants kids now she needs to get serious about it, and I wasn’t willing to have any more kids. So I don’t think it’s unusual, even when I had kids I was not completely sure I wanted any but I’m happy I have them now.
Yes, I did when I started seeing kids more often in my daily life and friends having kids. Then i got close to the age where it is starting to not become an option. This was after being staunchly child free my entire life. People would tell me you might change your mind and I scoffed at that… so any child free people be prepared that you might! I’m not going to end up having kids and I’m okay with that but this feeling also took my by surprise
Lol…that’s your clock ticking. Mine started at 27.
I think it’s completely normal. People grow and priorities change. Be careful what you say you want for certain – bc it will change 😂
Can’t fight biology it seems. Instinct to procreate is in most of us. Happy hunting.
Wait until you’re 39 lol. All advice is hey you should freeze your eggs lol.
There is no biological basis for any “clock”, it’s just a culmination of societal (and so, personal) expectations, pressure, fomo, boredom, etc.
yeah i never wanted to be pregnant or have kids and now that my friends are having babies i’m like…do i want a baby??? i mean i do, BUT i still don’t actually want to raise children, and my ethical/moral perspective hasn’t changed. i don’t believe in a biological clock, i think it’s just fear of missing out. and babies are cute.
It’s just your clock. Mine ticked pretty hard when I went into a Pottery Barn Kids, but I knew what kids were actually like and the pretty painted-up version that the shop was trying to sell me couldn’t have been further from the truth. Also, I knew what pregnancy was really like (not from experience, thank God). Ten years later, hysterectomy with no regrets.
You might genuinely have changed your mind, or you might not have been totally opposed to having kids in the first place. Your inner voice still told you you’d be a mother. Mine, from the age of nine, told me I never would. There was a blip at 12 when we were told to imagine our lives in 20 years and I had an adopted mini-me who was past the annoying stages of being a kid. I was, effectively, just the auntie the kid had happened to land with.
Can change your opinion about kids at any age, really! But I myself definitely felt like there was something hormonal going on that I had an intense wish to have kids (and especially small kids or a baby) between ages 28-32. It was feverish! In my early twenties I was not at all sure I would want kids.
Since separating from my ex at 34 I’ve spent a lot of time researching options and discussing with people who have had children by themselves or a with a non-romantic parenting partner. Now I’m 36 and after checking out the options, I am quite content being single and childless. It’s also like the hormones calmed down as I aged a little bit past my prime baby-making years.
I recognize that for me, finding an utterly wonderful partner who themselves would want kids — and we would align on parenting and life goals in general — could evoke a strong wish to have a child with them. (There was a glimmer of that when I thought for a second I found someone who had life-partner-potential.) But I don’t anymore have a desperate need to have children, I definitely don’t want one by myself and neither am I dating purely to find a babydaddy. So I am at peace with seeing how life unfolds and am sure I can accept also ending up childless, if that is in the cards for me.
I recommend really taking the time to think what it really is you are imagining, when you imagine your life with kids (a baby, a 5-year-old, a teen, an adult child, everyday and special occasions). Or are the feelings to do with having *family?* I’m not at all saying your change of heart isnt’ real — it very well can be that only now you actually understand you **do** want kids. Just recommend thinking about it thoroughly, that’s all. Then date accordingly!
You’re allowed to change your mind at any point again you know (before actually having a child that is).
Yes, I’m 32F and experiencing this really heavily right now. I’m deeply afraid if I don’t open up to the possibility of kids I’ll regret it later down the road. I’ve had to have some serious talks with the guy I’m seeing about this over kids and how deeply conflicted I’ve been about this. He’s been very understanding and supportive overall and open to exploring that with me.
It’s ok to change your mind and maybe you want kids or are open to it + that’s ok.
I feel the same way I just turned 33. I will finish grad school in May! Have a good job and love babies. I hope to find the person who loves me for me. I also don’t mind being with someone who has kids as long as we could have our own.
The reasons why my vary but yes..it seems like that bio clock is ticking loudly for you and that’s ok. You can change your mind and go for it.
Wishing you luck OP
It’s biological. There is a huge difference between choosing not to and not being able to. It’s easy to say the former when it’s possible. When your brain and body starts realizing that the window is closing its squeaky bum time.
I have two adult children and started getting baby fever at 40. There is definitely a biological imperative to reproduce that can mess with our plans. I got my tubes removed because I was seriously concerned I would act on these feelings.
Yes. This is your biological clock kicking in. I wish you luck in your pursuits
I don’t completely believe in the idea that a biological clock ticks and overnight we’re attuned it. But I (30f) feel the same way about suddenly wanting a partner and feeling less adamantly against kids as I’d been pretty much my whole life. For me, it just feels like self growth or self knowledge.
It’s possible to change your mind at any time. It’s also possible that you’re feeling the pressure of society’s view that a woman’s value comes from having children. It’s also possible that hormones are causing these feelings.
I’d do some reflecting on the reasons you don’t want kids and the reasons you do. Count out the reasons that don’t come from you (your friends are having kids, your parents want grandkids, you feel you *should* want kids, etc.) and look at the reasons that are your own. Which reasons do you like more? Which ones feel better? Journaling will help you sort through your thoughts.
Did your friends reproduce recently? Could be FOMO.
I don’t feel it – I look at my life and ask myself if I’m willing to give up all of my free time and attention for the next 18 years, and the answer is “no”.
I’m the same age, and haven’t wanted kids since I was a kid. I’m not feeling anything like this at all. I’ve seen my sister and best friend have kids. They are happy, but boy, it is work! Parenting is the job that never ends. You are a parent until the day you die.
My parents recently had to help both their adult children out. Well, they didn’t *have* to, but they offered to because they are good parents. They went and helped my sister with her baby because her boyfriend doesn’t get parental leave and has to work, and then they came and helped me move after my husband said he wanted to separate. We all live in different parts of the country, so this wasn’t easy for them, but they did it. And my husband’s parents currently have both of their adult children living at home. My husband moved back in after we separated, and his brother is almost 30 and has never lived on his own. His brother has special needs (high functioning Autism), and while he has a college degree, he hasn’t been able to get a job, aside from a temporary, part-time gig a couple years ago. My guess is if things continue the way they are going, he is going to be financially dependent on his parents indefinitely.
I will say though that my sister also always said she was childfree, and then she had an “oops” baby. She was lucky that she had a quite easy pregnancy and birth (she ended up needing a c section, but her doctor was amazing, and her scar is tiny and low, and she was feeling all back to normal within days). I love my nephew very much, and for me, he fills any sort of “kid void” I might have had. I’m motivated to work hard so that he can inherit something nice one day.