I’m a woman (32F) and recently met a guy (33M) on an app, we had great chemistry while chatting and our vibes matched. He was very excited to go out with me. We had an amazing date – great vibes again, we both found each other physically attractive, we both are well educated have great careers etc. and despite all the warnings in my head we went back to his place and had sex. Like 7 times in one night. When we parted he said he wants to see me again soon.
But since then he’s not been as eager in texting, I have had to initiate conversations. It feels like he’s less interested. I don’t understand because I thought we were a great match. The only thing I can think of is us having sex the first night may have made him not want to continue? Do guys view that as a negative?
34 comments
Every man is different. I don’t think you can use a broad statement like all men like this or don’t like that.
He may have something else going on in his life. His actions definitely tell you how he is feeling, though. If he is avoidant he is not interested.
I think it makes some men feel pressured to instantly be in relationship they’re not ready for. I would completely back off and let his actions do the talking.
Some men think if she did this with me no telling how many she has done this with. Some men think got what I wanted no need to continue (unless it was really really good) some men think now that we have done this is she expecting to be in a relationship. What I’m saying is you never know what we are thinking or how we feel unless you ask and you still might probably won’t get the answer you are looking for
Totally situational. It’s not something I would look for if dating for a spouse or long term partner, but im more intellectually attracted to someone when it comes to sex, so “getting to know you” is integral.
On the other hand I’ve been off the market for 20 years at this point and could very easily see myself on the other side if dating again. how much time do we really have, yknow?
Everyone is different . Me personally I don’t think I would ever get serious but maybe . Would see you again
I mean if you had sex with him on the first date, he also had sex with you on the first date. So there can’t really be any judgement there.
For context I don’t judge a woman at all for sex on the first date, don’t judge her for not having sex on the first date either.
Personally, i (30M tomorrow) wouldnt have sex on the first date.
Not judging in any way, but personally i would be less into you.
Keep in mind that people are different, also i’ve noticed i’m not a typical male either so my choice probably would be the less common choice.
You can’t ask a broad question and then try to specify it to a age especially when none of us know the man your talking about
The reality is some men prefer it and some men are turned off and some men will do it then never talk to you again
LOL this is one of the funniest titles I’ve ever seen!!! Gentlemen, don’t forget to unshelve your new thoughts every year on your birthday!! 🤣🤣
Hey there’s no shame if you want to bang, but please understand there’s no way you could know somebody in one date. It takes a while, so I really wouldn’t put too much stock into if you’re compatible or if that person wants to pursue an ongoing relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s the most amazing sex or not. Pretend like it didn’t happen and follow the signs from there. So in your case you guys had a date you vibed pretty well now he’s not really responding very much to texts. Could be a lot of different things, maybe ask him how things are going or if he’s going through any kind of challenges. If it’s all no, no, no then it could be a timing thing or it could be an interest thing. Heck he could have just been looking for somebody to bang and he might be good for a while. That’s all what dating is. All you can do is ask them to be upfront with you and then watch his actions and not his words.
I think you need to ask yourself what it is you are hoping to hear here. Like are you trying to convince yourself to let go by having guys tell you they wouldn’t take you seriously? Or are you holding onto hope that maybe this is the opposite, etc.
Because I think you know the question is absurd. Like do you, as a 32F, feel you can speak for all 32Fs out there? Of course not.
Some people wait for sex. Some don’t. If at 33 they are happy to have sex but then use it against you then they are not worth your time anyway. Like do you really want a relationship with a guy that is so quick to change his tone, seems tiring to me.
Initial chemistry and a nice date doesn’t mean much long term. It just means it was promising, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to read the tea leaves on why he can’t communicate properly.
> despite all the warnings in my head we went back to his place and had sex
Was he pushing to go back to his place? Or were you? Like how did that go down?
My suspicion is you’re attracting (or selecting) guys who are chasers. Once they get their prize they lose interest. You could experiment a bit and see if giving them a 2-3 dates makes a difference, but it might not.
One thing you might try, is when you’re making out just asking “Hey, are you feeling this a one night or start of dating?” Look them in the eye. And, maybe it’s okay is it’s an ONS or casual thing. Or maybe you want to pack it up if they aren’t interested in more dates.
Maybe he blew his back having sex 7 times in one night
Seven times in one night…
My man might simply be dead.
I hear a lot of men talk bad about women who do that. They’ll still sleep with you but they don’t want a relationship with you because they think that you probably sleep with everyone on the first date.
Girl, back down, honestly, you might seem a little desperate to him.
Go have fun, seek another date, forget about him, focus on yourself and if you really connected in the way you mentioned, and if you genuinely show that you have anything else in your life more than you are sitting waiting for him to text you, he will text you again after awhile but go live you life.
Don’t start conversations with him anymore.
My answer is: it depends. If I’m just looking for sex, having it on the first date would be fine. After all, it’s the first date for me too. If I’m seeking a relationship, however, I likely wouldn’t have first-date sex, and if the woman initiated it I’d assume she’s mostly looking for sex too. I think, besides asking what he might think of you, you should also ask what it means that he was okay with having sex on the first date. For me, if I really click with a woman, I definitely wouldn’t have sex on the first date. I’d want to save that for when it means more to both of us. And yes, I have turned down first-date sex. Sometimes we had it later, and sometimes there was no second date. But I’ve never had a significant relationship with anyone who I slept with on the first date. TLDR: Yes, I think of sex on the first date as a negative when it comes to building a relationship.
From my 33M perspective:
If I was offered sex on a first date, I would wonder the following in this order:
Why is this person trusting me that soon? Is that their norm? Is the chemistry between us that good? Am I willing to take that risk with this person I’ve just had a drink/meal/conversation with? What is their intention for the future? Am I that hot? Is this a trap to steal my vial organs? Am I sober enough to defend myself or fend off organ stealing foes?
Unpack that as you will
I don’t think it’s a topic that’s easy to generalize across the board. Some men love the idea, some men find a woman “easy” if she does so and therefore of low value. Some don’t care much either way. It just depends on the type of man you’re with.
With some men, when sex is immediate they lose the motivation to keep chasing because in their minds, they got what they wanted so there’s no point on continuing the chase. I’m assuming that’s what happened with this guy.
– The ‘thrill of the hunt’ is gone… which isn’t just a man thing. It’s a human thing. The unpredictable build up of sexual tension is quite important in terms of bonding and fortifying that initial attraction.
– personally… it’s a red flag for me. I’m 38 now but I have always felt this way. My entire life. I have absolutely had more than my share of ons on first dates. I’m not judging anyone, but it kills the attraction of anything more than that.
– if she would sleep with me on the first night, it’s not too hard to believe she would sleep with anyone on the first night… and she can do whatever she wants to do. Not judging her , but for something long term or building up to that, I’m not interested in someone who would sleep with someone on the first date.
– it’s all a learning experience for everyone. No shame
But personally , my entire life I have had that light switch in my brain. It doesn’t matter if she is a model, the most attractive woman on earth, insert whomever … I don’t care. We can have fun but in my experience, it just cheapens the situation to a point where I cannot take her seriously for anything else.
I think alot of people need that chase and that tension and unpredictability to really bond and build respect, admiration, and eventually love.
Well to be quite blunt you were easy, sure you all had a great start but either
– he only wanted sex from the start
Or
– he did really like you & your connection but realized since you gave it up so easily that wasn’t really what he was looking for
Most men won’t turn down sex if it’s on the table but most likely just sees you as a sex option at this point. Men like a chase, if it’s easy typically won’t be that interested anymore in getting to really know you. You should also get checked for STDs bc what do you really know about the guy after the first date
As a (M45) if I got lucky on the first date with someone in my 30’s that I had great chemistry with all night, I would view it as a win win. I didn’t have to wait to see if we were sexually compatible. We both allowed the night to go where ever it took us. If I did it 7 times that night, I would think this must be something special because this is a record for me. At that time I’m usually a 3-4 tops kinda nighter.
It really depends on the type of vibe I got. Responsible woman, career driven, smart, attractive and freaky!! I’m all in!! Now if you were not career oriented, still living at home, maybe a baby daddy or two, I might be thinking smash and dash. Just being honest.
I know you’re asking the men but as a woman, I would say, have sex with whomever you want.
Look at it this way, let’s say instead of sleeping with him right away, you spend weeks getting to know him before you finally decide to have sex with him. Then you find out he is a misogynist who judges women for shallow reasons. You just wasted weeks on this guy who said whatever you wanted to hear to get you into his bed.
Instead, you had a nice fantasy, great sex. He turned into a frog once you kissed him. Oh well, move on.
Even if you had sex on 5th date , he may have still done the same thing. Its not much different
Here’s another perspective, as a woman if a man tries to sleep with me on the first few dates, I don’t take them seriously as potential partners, I’ll have sex with them if I want but I wouldn’t consider them serious partners
It means absolutely nothing to me. I actually appreciate us getting that out of the way. Personally, I have had dates, we have sex early on and I’m less interested, but that is entirely because we had bad chemistry. It’s simply the same as if we had bad conversation I’d be less interested.
I’d say overall, you wanting sex on the first date is a positive. Sexual compatibility is important. And her having a reasonable sex drive and physical comparability is good.
I can only go by my own experiences. When I strongly connected with someone and they with me right away (sex or not) it scared me. “Is this person desperate?” “What’s wrong with her?” “How will I be able to tell if it’s just lust or actual love?” Most times after that I wanted to take things slow, figure out what was going on. If the woman wanted to press the issue it usually pushed me further away.
If you think you’d like to spend more time with him say something like “we connected so well it was kind of scary, I really liked you, would you be okay with going a little slow?”
This is a tricky question. If sex happens on first date, I’ve never looked at as a negative toward the lady. Figure if it happens on the first date, the ice is broken so to say and it can happen more often.
Idk, we aren’t a hivemind so we all having varying outlooks. But me personally, I wouldn’t do it and wouldn’t be attracted to someone who would want to
Personally if I like someone I like someone whether we have sex on the first date doesn’t change that. He probably just wanted to sleep with you and just wants to get laid and isn’t interested in a relationship with anybody.
We slept together on our first date, in 2002. Married 16 years and expect to grow old together.
Well she took me back to her place and we just celebrated a year together. So not all men.
If it was me, I’d absolutely love it. In fact my last ex wanted have sex on the first date. It didn’t happen. It did the next day though.
Hmmmm. I bit older and wiser so my experience tells me this.
Of course he will sleep with you, you have a great date
But, if he is looking long term….no matter how free and equal we are, most men do not consider a one nighter. Marriage or long term material.
It was fun…move on