Throwaway for privacy. This is a long one.
TLDR: met up with a one night stand. He is into me and things have escalated so fast. I don’t know what to do to take a step back, or if I should enjoy it while it lasts.
We hooked up once from a very specific place where we were looking for that. I didn’t go back on the site after because I saw he was looking for others the next day. He had told me the first time we met he was looking for something more consistent at the time and I wasn’t, but told me to tell him if I ever changed my mind – but that by then he might not be available.
I didn’t check my messages after that encounter. Over half a year later I went on because I’d forgotten to deactivate my account. I saw he’d reached out a few times awhile after. Something compelled me, so I did.
He wanted to meet again and I had to be honest that I was in the middle of a breakup and not sure if I’d be down for that kind of fun. He just wanted to see me.
Our first time out, we didn’t do anything. Just talked. He intimidated me because when we originally met, I didn’t realize the level of smart he is. Went to an Ivy League school and by the way he talks, it’s not hard to believe (he isn’t pretentious, but we have common interests that he’s well-versed on). I couldn’t keep up and told him about a brain injury (I know, I know). It needs to be said his EQ/IQ is higher by design.
We met up a few more times and did end up getting intimate. It’s probably the best I’ve had. That’s definitely blurring my grip on the reality of the situation. He started saying he missed me and he wants to do other stuff, like dates. Invited me to meet his friends. Against my better judgement, I took the attention after being in a toxic situation.
We’ve seen each other 4 times in the span of just over a week. He lives like an hour away and comes to me. He brought me flowers and always says he misses me. I haven’t had this affection or attention in years.
This is all great, but I let him into my life at a very low point. Against my better judgement. I really should have taken some time to myself first. Now not only have I invited this person into my life, but not composed myself the way I’d like to (being more private, him knowing I was in an abusive situation and over sharing). I can’t really take that all back and come back to this later.
After we started messaging elsewhere, I finally went to deactivate my profile where we met. I saw he’d posted the same day we’d reconnected, but I don’t know if it was before or after. I know it’s not my business, but i did notice.
Something else to note is that he’s a catch but told me girls don’t often take to him. I guess his charm and intelligence can be intimidating. But I don’t know if there’s something else. I have my own set of mental health issues and he can pick up on how insecure I am right now (not a good look). He randomly told me he’s crazy. I asked how and he said isn’t everyone? I kind of hope he is so I can let go of this.
I don’t want to take a step back based on that, but everything else because it’s too much too soon and I think I’m signing myself up to be hurt later. If it hadn’t gotten so intense, I might feel different. More so, if I hadn’t embarrassed myself with him at least one hundred times by now by not knowing what to say around him, or how to say it. And saying too much. It just kind of came out because I haven’t had support in so long and he offered. Didn’t mean to… I worry because I’ve experienced charmers like him coming into my life and becoming abusive.
One more thing is, I wasn’t even in the age group he’s seeking on the site. It’s definitely not a huge deal, but given he’s also got his life together more by far, etc, I think I’m just someone to keep around until the next best thing comes along. I feel like I’m being love bombed because I’m not used to all the romance. I don’t want to get used to it if I’m on his roladex or if I have no chance with giving too much too soon. I like him more than expected, but have the feeling him liking me is more about something else. I can’t name it.
What would you do?
1 comment
I wouldn’t risk it. He sounds a little bit lovebomb-y to me too, and the “I’m crazy” is a yellow flag. I think you’d be better off in a relationship with a more solid start, not one that started in a vulnreable place. I find the way you talk about yourself a little worrying (a little “low self-esteem” which might make you vulnerable). I would continue working on myself and look for other relationships.