Seriously, how do you deal with your partner’s past sexual history?

30 comments

1. Therapy for that level of insecurity.

2. How many people has your partner slept with and under what circumstances?

3. Unless you yourself were a virgin coming into this relationship, there’s really nothing to “deal with”. Live and let live. A good therapist can help you deal with obsessive thoughts.

4. Here is a short note I would have wrote to my younger self:

   There is absolutely nothing wrong with understanding your partners past.

   It’s better to know your sexual dynamics and each other’s needs than to be oblivious. Understanding it will take time though.

   After you find out take your time and understand what those feelings are. Take time to process them independently and do not involve your partner in the process. Your partner will be emotional and certainly considering their own best interest.

   The feelings will reveal how you see yourself in the world and what you ultimately want.

   Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed of how you feel. They don’t understand so they judge. Your duty is firstly to love yourself then anyone else.

5. I’ve learned to just stop asking lmao

6. Here’s the thing.
   Whether or not you like their past, until you fully got to know them you didn’t know. Whether it’s good or bad, it’s led them to where they are today which is who you showed interested/wanted to be with.

   If you were planning on holding someone’s past over their head, you should have been more upfront that you were looking for a partner with no previous intimate partners. It doesn’t seem fair to be with someone only to be upset that before you there would have been someone else.

7. How old are you? This is not a thing people ask in my age range – people are allowed to have pasts, and as long as you both are clean and safe it should not matter. Sex is between THE TWO OF YOU – not anyone you’ve been with before, and you need to work on it/be open together. It sounds like insecurities or obsessive thoughts are clouding your judgement..

8. I don’t deal with it. I don’t ask about it nor care to wonder and I appreciate the same in return. Those are private matters for me and I don’t indulge in sharing those things with anyone else except the person I slept with.

9. How old are you both, and how many people are you talking about?

10. I understand that everybody has a past, including me, and I take that for that moment in time, they chose me, and I should never take it for granted. I also love trading stories about past relationships. This is something you really need to deal with, possibly in therapy.

11. You need a therapist. You sound like the least secure person I’ve heard today

12. Lean into it. If they obviously have something they’re into, learn to like it. That is, if you want to keep them.

    Treat them like a work of art. Something to be appreciated in your own personal moment. Even if a painting is hundreds of years old, YOU are the one now looking at it. It is up to you how you interpret it. Yes put it in its cultural context, but don’t judge it by the times In which you live. Just appreciate it for what it is and what statement it’s making.

    Additionally, keep in mind no one is beyond redemption. Give them a genuine chance until they prove they can’t be trusted. It might hurt If they fail you, but that’s the risk ALL of us take.

13. You don’t worry about it. They are with you now. To quote Sam Kinison “Be the darkest chapter in their sexual diary.”

    What you do with them NOW is what matters. Make sure you out do whatever she did in her past. Public sex? Toys? Dirtier talk than she’s heard before?…

14. Well I think the best way is dealing with it the same way you expect your partner to deal with yours ..

15. Look I’m gunna be honest with you. It’s not that big of a deal. Sex is sex. Just because they had sex and or love for someone in the past doesn’t mean they still feel that way.
    I’ve had sex with plenty of people I don’t care for anymore and it would hurt my feelings deeply if my partner judged me for that.
    Also your concern for this shows a deep rooted possession of the one your with and you need to look into that. You don’t own anyone and nobody will ever truly be “yours” so their sexual history frankly doesn’t even concern you.
    Grow up and treat them like a human being and think about this from their perspective

16. Little insecure baby just made this account cause his old one probably got nuked for the same weirdo behavior.

    You have to be like 17 cause the last time this shit bothered me was when I was a dumb teenager. People have sex with other people before they meet you… That’s the beginning middle and end of this lonely ass story.

17. If you are both remotely emotionally healthy adults, there are a lot of special things you’ve shared with other people. Why should sex be the only thing that triggers jealousy? Your parents, family and friends have been there with you through more special and emotionally significant things. If you’re going to get jealous about past things, might as well go big. Get pissed at her bestie she first watched her favorite movie with. Get furious at her parents for witnessing her first words, ESPECIALLY if it was mama or dada.

    Because, really…so what? Sex isn’t always special. Sometimes it’s horrifying, brutal, traumatic. Sometimes it’s truly astonishingly good. Sometimes it can kind of be both. A lot of times it helps to understand their past because it’s part of who they are now: their past romantic/sexual experiences shaped the kind of partner they are today, so understanding at least some of that will help you be a better partner to them.

18. You don’t. Past, past, past… BOTH keep it there.

19. I like my partner has experiences. If he has a lot of experience and he knows what to do and knows how to please me, it’s a big plus and if he get tested regularly. That’s all.

20. There’s really nothing you can do about it. If your partner told you that she had her way with five guys at the same time and she did it many times with different guys before she met you then it’s really your decision to stay or leave.

21. Retroactive jealousy is what you’re dealing with. I suggest getting therapy. This is a you problem, not a them problem. Try some visualization. Imagine a line drawn between their life before you (the back), and their life with you (the front). Anything on the back side of the line doesn’t matter. Only focus on what’s on the front side of the line. Don’t cross the line.

22. >your partner still did something intimate and special with someone.

    Well, yeah, my partner has had intimate and special experiences (besides sex) with lots of people. It would be pretty sad if all the special moments in her life were with me.

23. I wouldn’t care.

24. Don’t let yourself fall into that bubble, you’ll go crazy. Best to leave it

25. Hm I literally never think about it because I also have a past sexual history and it’s not relevant to now.

26. Don’t ask. All that matters is if they are clean or open about what viruses they may have.

27. Don’t ask!

    If you won’t like an answer, don’t ask the question is the way to go!

28. Well, the past is the past and he or she did choose you.

    Some people do lead very promiscuous sex lives when they are single. It isn’t necessarily a bearing on how reliable they are when in a monogamous relationship – I for one am living example of this.

29. What does your partner’s “past sexual history” have to do with your “everyday life”?

    Are you afraid you don’t measure up?

30. I’m an adult and I understand that most adults have been with other people. I seriously don’t care about my partner’s past history. That’s just immaturity.