Let me preface by saying that I am relatively new to sex. I lost my virginity to this girl a month ago and I’m still learning the ropes. The sex so far has been amazing, and I’m very attracted to this girl. That being said, I am struggling to orgasm with her, and I usually have to finish myself off. I do not watch porn and have cut back on masturbating to try and solve this issue, but it’s still happening. I am assuming this is a psychological issue since I start to worry about orgasming if I feel like the sex has gone on for too long without me cumming, but I’m honestly not sure what’s causing the issue. Sometimes I do try and focus on her pleasure a lot so maybe I’m too in my head.
Any advice or people who have dealt with this problem before?
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Is her vagina tight?
Go short strokes if you want to cum and long strokes when you want to last longer to please her.
My first time I did not orgasm and I tend to not in most cases with one night stands. My question before giving advice,
has she orgasmed?
>I am assuming this is a psychological issue
You got it right.
I have a friend who had the exact same issue. I told him to not overthinking, really and just feel the moment, finished or not don’t keep it in your mind.
Last time we talked about it, all was ok, he was damn worried about his performance, if she liked, will I finish,etc. not during the deed but beforehand; he was kind of already preparing himself to not finish.
If that can help you.
Take care.
I stopped watching porn and after some weeks I could orgasm normally again.
Maybe that is your problem?
You take antidepressants? That can cause issues
Are you using condoms?
U mentioned that she will always cum each time, do u think u always try to satisfy her first before urself? Cos sometimes this can be an issue when u are too focus on making ur partner cum and then u forget about urself. And definitely try different positions as well. Sometimes that helps too
Diet has something to play in getting off, same ad drugs, any drugs or alcohol
Centuries old problem.
What I do when I can’t cum from penetrative sex – I ask her to nibble on my neck and rub my balls as I do the handy work.
Other times, I ask her to finish me off with a quick hand job…but before that, I make sure I help her finish by performing oral while I rub one off (if she smells and taste good, that will get me aroused and help edge myself quicker for her to finish me off.
The guy I’ve been seeing for a while now takes a long time to finish as hes always been so focused on giving rather than receiving. Its been a journey trying to take that ‘control’ from him to just enjoy something without feeling like he HAS to make me finish first.
Is your girlfriend new to sex like you or has she had some other experience? Unless you’re going for hours and hours of pure penetration with no additional measures (lube for example), don’t worry about length of time.
Talk to your girlfriend about your thoughts, and I’m sure you can work through it one way or another. This is the fun part where you learn lots of things about yourself and your girlfriend – enjoy it!
Tell her to grab your balls during penetration, 100% works I swear 😂
Honestly tell how you feel and also try new ways. Maybe some Position and way isn’t something for you
yup, totally psychological. Hundred times better than being early though
don’t think about it, look at her, look at how you’re going inside, look at the parts you like most about her
I’ve often had this with new partners. I find it hard to relax and be in the moment until I’m comfortable with someone. It’s one of the reasons I don’t do one night stands.
It’ll get better.
Can you orgasm with someone else’s gf? (What I thought after reading the HL)
Ok that’s out of the way. This kind of thing happens. Probably just as much as women having the same problem.
It might be that it just takes you longer or you need more foreplay or whatever. You know you don’t have to have matching orgasms every time or even once.
I do like to churn the buttery cheese a lot.
I would say not to worry, when me and my bf started dating 2 years ago, he was new to sex as well and it took it good couple months to even finish by anything other than his hand. He was also too focused on me and it was too hard to even come close to c*mming.
It takes time, let your body and mind get used to it..
For him, it took around 6months, but we were also LDR before we started living together..
Now he has no problem at all, give it time and you’ll be fine, just don’t forget to talk about it with your gf that it’s not her fault, reassure her and keep practicing. Do it less with the hand, that helps as well 🙂
Hi, therapist who frequently deals with sexual dysfunction here. First see a medical doctor and determine if you can rule out any hormone, vitamin, or nutritional deficiencies that might be contributing to this. SSRI antidepressants can lead to severe sexual dysfunction particularly in men, so finding a way to taper off them might also be in order if you take them and this problem outweighs any benefits to you. Note too that certain health problems can contribute to sexual dysfunction, but you’re young enough that I think this is probably unlikely.
If it’s not one of these issues, it’s likely psychological. Could be related to issues with intimacy or attachment, past trauma, performance anxiety or shame, body image issues, struggles or concerns with your relationship with her in particular, or some combination of these. Sex therapists are trained to help people with difficulties like what you’re experiencing. If you’re in the US, the PsychologyToday database can help you find a therapist who takes your insurance and specializes in sex therapy.
In the meantime: if your partner is generally a safe and healthy person with you, being emotionally open with her, asking for her support and understanding, and developing a stronger and more trusting bond with her inside and outside of the bedroom may also help. Sex is a really vulnerable thing, and it’s healthy to be honest with your partner about your concerns and what sex means to you. Physical exercise and body-based mindfulness like body scan meditation and yoga can help you get more in tune with yourself and less in your head during sex as well. It’s also pretty common for young people who are new to sex to struggle with some anxiety and difficulty being present, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this resolved itself after a few months of getting used to how your body works in this realm.
You’ve already smashed biscuits with her, she knows what she’s expecting, it’s all in your head
Sounds like you just need to relax more is all. Baby steps homie baby steps
If you are too focused on the “goal” to orgasm, you miss out the ride. Try letting go and relax. Talk about it with her. It’s not easy if you’re anxious about it. But you’ll get there eventually, don’t stress it.
Stop masturbation altogether
69, and have her ride you without putting in your penis. Tell her to rub your penis with her citrus never putting the vagina in her vagina.
Honestly this is totally fine. Don’t ask this place for advice. Trust that she is also learning the ropes and women are terrible at making men cum until you help teach them by communicating. Same is true in reverse!
This isn’t psychological. It’s not physical either. There’s nothing wrong. You just need time to get used to sex and learn to relax.
Some guys take a little while to relax and let go enough to cum. Sounds like you’re in that boat. It’s super common. Nothing to worry about.
You’ll cum when you’re ready. Girls can be exactly the same. It’s one of the reasons why sex with a long term partner tends to be better.
We’re more relaxed and our partner knows what makes us feel good. Ignore any other advice on this thread.
Just don’t worry about cumming with your gf. You’ll do it plenty when your body is ready.
drink
Is she becoming a bit dry after she came? If so u can try lube or spit.
It’s probably still the masturbating. It’s also probably psychological. That + masturbating after because you’re pent up = hard time cumming. Your hand feels way different than some walls. Especially if you edge looking for the perfect time.
Try to not jerk off at all for one week, only smash. Don’t look at anything arousing. Your brain gets used to the rush of chemicals from jerking it and each time you need more and more to reach climax.
Don’t focus on performing or staying in, just have fun and keep going and give in to the feeling. Sometimes I get so scared when it’s too much to fast and I psyche myself out and it creates a loop of panicking+trying to force it.
Just go for it and if you feel good try to tap in to what it feels like when you’re by yourself and you feel it coming.
Sound like a psychological problem. Talk with you gf about the problem and try another things. Maybe something that can stimulate you more is a good beginning to lose the fear. Try with a handjob or oral sex. Something more focused on your pleasure can be a good point to start and lose the negative emotions that make you don’t orgasm.
Is it a flex?
Maybe if you stick a finger in her ass. Maybe if she sticks a finger in your ass.
Do Kegels and try different positions
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If you jerk off to porn a lot, it can fuck with how you feel arousal when you’re actually having sex. That being said, if the condom fits weird, that could be a factor. But also, becoming more comfortable with your body and intimacy and sex in general will help you to stay in the moment with your partner, thus enabling that climactic ecstasy!
I am gonna ask something others either ignore or don’t realize.
Are you circumcised? Circumcision removes fine touch nerves and removes some of the most sensitive parts of the penis. It also allows the glans skin to become hard and rough instead of soft and sponge like. This can make climax incredibly harder to achieve. I can only climax in certain positions with my wife where the underside of my glans gets direct pressure because that is the only place I can still feel. It used to be the frenulum which is the most sensitive part of the penis.
If we aren’t in the correct position I can feel stuff build and then immediately disappear.
Let me try wigh her. If i can’t orgasm with her, then it’s her fault. 😆🥰
It’s called sexercise for a reason buddy
When I’m with a new partner I don’t finish for the first couple of weeks. Whether it’s just jitters or trying to get comfortable with her, just don’t get overthink it. It’ll happen and it’ll bring you closer.
Have you tried faking it?
What makes you coom? Think about it to coom while doing the biznizz. You’re welcome. Also try pulling out and ask her to finish you off with her hand and mouth a few times til you gut gud. Eat lots of pineapple for her pleasure.
Have you tried taking indica cannabis edibles? Perhaps you need that body high and time distortion while banging to “get over the hump.” To just feel your body and how good everything feels and not think about how much time has passed. Try meditation as part of your daily practice. Learn to just Be.
Are you on any anti-depressants?
I had mine changed and me and the wife would have sex for 45-1 hr long and nothing. I was really worried until i stopped taking them. About 2 days later i was back to 15-20 mins (good enough for us)
You may be overthinking. You also may just be thrusting wrong. A lot of newbies are scared they’re gonna slip out so they don’t move the way they would if it were their hand. Get out if your head and trust yourself.
It’s one of 2 things
1) bc you’re new to this you’re nervous and that can affect anyone’s sexual performance, it’ll get better w practice
2) you’re just not that attracted to her
It could also be that he is gay? Nobody thought of this? I mean, you are new to sex and you’re beating it up that much? Really? How old is this guy like 75? It does not compute. Id be dumping loads every which way
Do her rawdog and think of other women that youd like to creampie. Thank me later