All relationships, whether they are romantic or platonic, start out the same way.
It’s like an airplane taking off.: Approach, Open, Escalation, Relationship.
You can approach with anything. I prefer to open with a compliment (I love those rings), but it can also be social commentary (that thing the professor/ boss/ authority figure said is stupid/ funny/ interesting). It’s just to convey interest. The actual words don’t really matter as much as you think they should. Just approach and say your opener.
Once you’ve provided an opener, one or two things is going to happen: Either the person:
1. responds in a way that agrees with the sentiment, and engages in a small back and forth,
or 2. the person responds in a way that rejects the sentiment, and discourages back and forth. You’ve seen this before. It’s what has made you afraid of making those first 2 steps.
You’ve gotta accept that your openers aren’t always going to land, and you have to understand that it has nothing to do with the words you used or your cadance.
So you got the 1st option? sweet. Now it’s time to escalate. If there’s space to have a 5-10 minute conversation, then take it. But usually when we’re meeting new people in an organized environment, talking between people that don’t know eachother is relatively minimal. Especially since most communication happens digitally these days. What you do after that opener is to make sure you get that person’s contact info, likely an instagram, or linkedin or something similar.
From there, that’s where the escalation into relationship is going to happen. You’ll bond over things you share on your pages, or things going on at work, just general stuff. After a few weeks of back and forth, you can ask them to an outing.
That’s it. You’ve gotta throw a lot of lines, and not everyone is going to want your vibe, but all it takes is two or three, and I’m sure it’ll be more than that.
You haven’t been approached, and that’s fine. It doesn’t mean you can’t get out there and get involved!
People won’t talk to you unless you have something to offer. What you have to offer is unique yourself. So yes, it’s important to be yourself, but you’ve gotta advertise it unabashedly, and be prepared for rejection in whatever forms it may take.
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