Lately I’ve (F24) been thinking what would’ve happened if I had stayed with in my hometown with my high-school sweet heart. I’m a mom now and well I’ve been hating staying at home

27 comments

  1. I cannot imagine it, honestly. I’ve been with my wife so long I’ve forgotten what I was like pre-marriage.

    But you might not want to dwell on what might’ve been. My hometown has gone downhill and offered little growth. Friends and family have left it behind. I’m very glad to have moved up and out, though I remember my childhood fondly.

    Talk to your husband about how you feel staying at home. You two can attack that problem together.

  2. Not really. I waited until my 30s to get married so I had plenty of time to live on my own as an independent adult. Also, I’ve seen the state of the dating market at my current age and yikes (although in fairness it seems to be better for single men that for single women.)

  3. It would have sucked.

    So many cool parts of my life are a direct result of how I’ve changed for the better since I met my wife.

  4. After my first marriage I swore never again. My ex husband was extremely abusive and controlling. You name the type of abuse and he most likely did it in some form. I finally left after five years and a very scary night of him pointing a gun at my head. Took two years to get divorced but it was worth being free from him. I went to therapy, I spent time alone and swore up and down no man would ever control my life again. I would just live alone have my fun when I wanted it and senf them backing.

    Well one of those promises I’ve kept, I’m still fiercely independent. The other I’m happily married in the most wonderfully healthy relationship beyond what I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams. We’ve been together for five years married for just shy of two years officially (we had the courthouse first then 9 months later had the actual “wedding”) and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He has taught me so much about love and respect in a relationship, I couldn’t be happier. After a life spent in darkness like mine moments with him make all the abuse I’ve endured since childhood, all the hardships, all the fires I’ve walked through during my lifetime, every time life knocked the ever living shit out of me and put me on my knees, being with him for me was worth it all.

    I can say beyond a shadow of the doubt he is the love of my life. So no I can’t imagine my life not married to someone who is truly my best friend, who makes me want to strive to be a better person every day, who lifts me up and helps me carry my burdens so I don’t have to do it alone.

  5. Have you considered going back to work at least part time? Some courses at the local community college? It’s a team effort. If you’re not happy with the situation, have a team huddle.

    I think about it all the time. The freedom to do whatever I want without negotiation, the anticipation of a date, the thrill and adventure of meeting new people and going to new places where anything can happen, the loneliness and lack of purpose, the undiscovered character defects I couldn’t see for lack of a mirror.

  6. From my observation, thinking of “what coulda been” is just a form of escapism and often very romanticized than the reality of it.

    Hometown girl with high school sweet heart sounds like you got stuck with no interesting future to me.

    Anyway, I do think about this all the time. Except I’m so glad I *did* get married and who I got married to. I like to count my blessings.

    My hope for you is that you have blessings to count as well, and that you get to start feeling not so trapped.

  8. No. I can’t imagine life without my husband. He is my person. I’ve spent over half of my life with him. ——————-Can you get a part time job to get out of the house?

  10. I’m married to my high school best friend (we never actually dated in high school) and we’re married now about 10hrs away from our hometown. I can’t imagine if my life had gone any differently because, well my life would really suck right now if it had

  12. Hell no I won the lottery and I know it. Don’t get lost romanticizing the what if’s or the isolation of home towns. If the marriage is good that’s an easy talk, ask about getting a job and making work friends etc, even if it just covers daycare and maybe a little extra this is for your mental health. If you enjoy the at home mom life I would look into group hobby’s.

  13. I would last five minutes as a SAHM. I think it is the absolute worst. If you hate it, can you change that? Daycare is expensive, but it shouldn’t be thought of as the cost borne by the woman. We raised two kids and it required planning and effort to do that with two parents working full time, but it worked out well.

  14. Married 22 years, wondered A LOT! but looking back, I would have been miserable. getting married isn’t fun all the time, but it improved my live in many, many ways.

  15. I’m the same age as you, but not married to my hs sweetheart. I actually met my husband when I was 19 and ended up pregnant a few months later. We didn’t get married over that, though. We actually got married this year and we have a second child now. I have certainly thought about what life would be like if I’d never met him because the chances of us meeting were so random.

    If I hadn’t met him I don’t know that I would’ve had reason to change myself. I was a very selfish and crass person before meeting him. I took absolutely everything in my life for granted, including my incredibly generous parents. I had zero direction in life, no ambition, no dreams. I believed my way was the only correct way. Obviously growing up and having a child are two things that changed who I was. But he played a large part in it and I’d hate to see where either of us would be if we’d never gotten together.

  16. No,I waited before I got into anything serious.

    I truly enjoyed my 20s.
    Partied, had fun with friends,a bit of travel.

    Then, I settled down after my 20’s,I was totally partied out and had a tiny friend group.

    In my part of the world, getting married in your early 20s or before isn’t a thing.
    Late 20s,30s, and 40s.

    The dating pool in those ages is still very good here.

    I don’t miss a thing, to be honest.

  18. I got married as a teen and I have thought a lot about this. I was not on a good path. Things were tough even with my husband. We’ve been through a lot. I think we are both better people for being together.

  19. I truly think all people think the what ifs at some and many points in their marriage; whether it’s good or bad.

    I’ve done it. But seeing the kids cross the race line or hear them give a speech, my heart felt it was all worth it.

  20. I definitely think about it. Been married almost 20 years and although we have a better marriage than many around us, it’s not been easy at all. In many ways we’re incompatible and in others very compatible.

    We have two teens and them not existing would be upsetting to consider. Still, I often wonder where I’d be now if I hadn’t gotten married.

  21. I could be wrong, but it sounds to me like this is maybe more about you being unhappy as a stay at home mom and it making you feel restless. Is working an option?? I did not do well being a SAHM in a city where I didn’t have family to help it not be so lonely. I felt generally so much happier when I went back work when my son was 20 months old, which in turn made my marriage a lot better. I think it’s important that we don’t expect our marriage to be the *thing* that fulfills us and makes us happy, because it’s not meant to carry that responsibility and will get crushed under the weight of it.

  22. I am 42 just got married, I enjoyed every single minute of being a single mom. (sometimes it was hard) I would not have changed it for a minute. Being married is a lot of mental work. Sometimes I really miss being alone. I enjoyed my time and my own plans and life.

  23. I mean tbh and straightforward, you got married in your roaring 20s. Most people wait until 30 because they want to live life in their 20s. Build their careers & life experiences. There are 100s of post on Reddit about people regretting marriage in their 20s. I would read some and see how you can get past that.

  24. If I had not met my wife and just in my home town I would have probably be dead or in prison by the end of the 1980’s.

  25. Nope. I am 37 years into the marriage and kid thing. It has been a wonderful but challenging adventure.

    Kids are grown now.

    But I enjoyed my time as a stay at home mom. Raising my kids was such a great learning experience for me.

    I was 20 when this adventure began. There are precious few things I would change along the way.

  26. Every day honestly. We met in high school and have been married 10 years, together 17. Were both 32 and definitely got married too long. Honestly just feel stuck anymore and it’s not a good feeling

  27. Yes. I know I wouldn’t be frustrated, pissed off, sad, depressed, scared, and lonely. I’d just be lonely. But I’d also not have had some of the best experiences of my life.

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