I have a range of hobbies from reading, being outfoors and going on walks, going to the gym and playing video games. Working full time and being in a reltinship means I don’t get a lot of time to do most of them. My partner and I go to the gym together so that works quite well, we go for walks throughout the summer when we can but my partner doesn’t like being outside in the cold and I manage to read on a night.
The one hobby I don’t really get a lot of time for is playing video games. I play the for 30 mins every few days when I get the time but it can be hard when my girlfriend wants to watch something on tv for example. We both have 10 days off in around 10 weeks. The first couple of days we will be spending apart because we’re going to see our parents.
My girlfriend was talking about what we could do for the rest of the time off. I said I’d like 2-3 days to just relax as there are a lot of video games coming out between now and the time off and some that are already out that I haven’t had the change to play.
I mentioned that I never really get time to play anymore so it would be nice to have a couple of chilled out days where we can relax in the apartment. I said if she doesn’t want to do that then I’d understand if she wants to make plans with family of friends on those days
She disagreed and said we should be spending the time together and that she wanted to make plans. I pointed out that we would still have 4-5 days to make plans so we would still have a lot of time to do things. She said that wasn’t the point and that I’m prioritising video games over the relationship. I told her that’s not what I was doing at all and that if I was prioritising video games I’d want to use all or the majority of the itme off for them but I’m not.
She just said that I should be spending my time off with her and not planning to spend a few days playing video games. How would you handle this?
tl;dr I planned to spend 2-3 daysof my 10 days off relaxing and playing video games. This would still give me and my girlfriend 4-5 days to make plans but she said I am prioritising video games over the relatinoship. How would you handle this?
7 comments
Most women don’t get why men like to play video games in the first place, and find it a complete waste of time. You could argue that it’s no different than reading a book or watching TV (which is true), but to them it’s something they associate with immature teenage boys, not with adults. Imo, the problem isn’t that you play video games too much, it’s the fact that you play them at all that is unappealing to her
Do you ever plan things to do with her? Or does she do all/most of the planning?
A few days sounds like a lot
She doesn’t acknowledged video games as a hobby so you must navigate differently.
> I play the for 30 mins every few days when I get the time but it can be hard when my girlfriend wants to watch something on tv for example.
Don’t do that. Set in your planning that day I play my fill.
Since she not into and I guess she just bear with it, each time she saw you play no matter how much time it is, for her it’s: “he is playing again”.
> spend 2-3 days of my 10 days off relaxing and playing video games.
Not 2-3 days, go for 1 day, she can not refuse.
Of course you can go full conflict too.
Good luck
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10 days off. 2 spent with your families. 2-3 spent playing video games (though presumably you’re not going to be playing 24/7). Which leaves a whole week for you and her to do things together.
That sounds like a reasonable time allotment.
>She said that wasn’t the point and that I’m prioritising video games over the relationship.
If you told her you were going out of town to see friends those 2-3 days would she have a problem with it? If you told her you were going hiking those 2-3 days would she have a problem? What if you were tailgating or going to watch sports on TV?
This is why you shouldn’t ask Reddit for relationship advice. There is no nuance or anything.
There is nothing wrong with 2-3 days to yourself to game. You are your own person. Not everything needs to be a “we”. It’s not like you play games all day everyday.
My wife has never tried to pull me from hobbies and realizes that we are our own people with our own interests. In contrast, the girl I dated before my wife made literally everything into a “WE/US” activity. No sense of individuality. Relationships doesn’t last that way.