back at it again

TL;DR! cheated on again, this time i don’t think i really give af

i just found out my husband, just cheated on me. first time or not, it was the first time i’ve found out. he’s been distance for weeks, i knew something was up, and i was starting to question this marriage too. he’s been so emotionally detached, i feel more isolated and alone with him than by myself. i don’t feel like he understands me at all. so in a sense, i’m not as upset as i may have thought i would be. what’s got me fucked up is that is the 3rd time this has happened in my post recent past 3 relationships. it just sucks. he’s my first marriage, but that was because i really thought he was different. things seemed so different. we loved these months of beautiful honeymoon bliss and then it felt like he just so slowly detached. we also have a 5 month baby. she is the biggest blessing i could ever receive. but i can’t do this shit again, and i won’t let my daughter be around this kind of emotional atmosphere. we all know parents can pretend, but as kids, we know somethings up. i’m just kind of pissed/sad/whatever to be back in this spot.