I’ve (24f) been with my boyfriend (23m) for 3 years and for the most part our relationship has been good, like it’s pretty strong, we’ve rarely fought anymore (until recently) and was in general happy with the relationship. Although we both value honesty and loyalty, I have caught him lie to me in the past and once again recently.
However after observing all kinds of relationship I’ve realize that there always seems to be some bits of lying in a relationship, usually to downplay a situation and just keep the peace. For example in the past by boyfriend lied to me about a girl he was texting saying it was just an old friend, but really it was a girl he liked and liked him back in the past but due to some circumstances they didn’t take it to the next stage. They were going to hang out but when the girl revealed that she wanted to have sex or take it to next level is when my boyfriend stopped and told her he wouldn’t meet her anymore and blocked her..
Then recently the reason I got mad was because he has been texting another female as friends, and he updates me on when he is going to hang out or help her, but asked him if she knew he had a boyfriend. He said yes but fast forward I found out that that wasn’t the case. They don’t talk anymore but my boyfriend claims that he was just trying to make a genuine friend, with some excuse why he felt weird bringing up he had a gf, and all that. I actually do trust my bf to the point that he wouldn’t physically cheat on me for sure. Like I believe his intentions are honest and he pretty much has everything on his phone available for me to see anytime, he would show it anytime if I asked without hesitation and doesn’t hide or delete messages.. but when he lies it does make it look worse even if it’s to downplay a situation…
I mean for example he probably lies about his attraction to certain girls when I ask, and he may hang out with them too as friends, but I know he wouldn’t go so far as to end up flirting or having sex with them. So my feelings are just conflicted, it’s like I trust his actions but not his words .
TLDR;
Despite my relationship having been good overall, my boyfriend has lied about some things to me. I feel like he has made some questionable decisions that he wants to downplay when he lies, but at the same time has never done a malicious action. For example; will lie about girl he’s talking to is someone he use to pursue and like, but didn’t cheat on me even when he had the opportunity
5 comments
What you’re talking about is a specific type of lying- downplaying a situation with another girl because he knows it’s inappropriate. That’s not normal in a relationship. Some types of ‘white lies’ might be reasonable to expect, but your partner shouldn’t be omitting details or lying about the relationship he has with other women..
So he’s been lying about other women and you trust him? Emotional cheating is cheating as well.
I would be done with him.
Lying should happen *extremely* rarely in a relationship. Preferably never. We’re human and sometimes we make bad choices, but lying undermines the trust between two people and actively harms the relationship.
“He wouldn’t cheat on me” is the absolute rock bottom bar of decency. He doesn’t get cookies or praise for following *some* of the basic relationship tenets.
Q. Do I look fat in this?
NO said rapidly and confidently is the only acceptable answer
Hey there, I saw that you have posted multiple times about your boyfriend. And I can sense that you’ve been going through a lot in your relationship. So it’s totally understandable that you’re seeking advice. It’s challenging when you’re dealing with repeated issues and trust concerns. It’s crucial to remember that every relationship is unique, and people make decisions based on their individual circumstances and feelings. However, when there are consistent red flags like your boyfriend messaging other women and being dishonest, it’s essential to pause and consider your own well-being. Trust and respect are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship, and they should be mutual. It can be tough, but sometimes, self-love and respect lead us to realize that we deserve better. Prioritizing your happiness and peace of mind is crucial in any relationship.