So I dating this guy who says he doesn’t like texting and rarely initiates conversation on text and never calls. But is super sweet and caring when we meet. I am not sure how to take it as communication is important to me.
Edit: I think people are assuming that I want to text day and night, but that’s not the case. Just one text like how was your day or something like that would be fine with me, even a call if he is comfortable with that.
Many people suggesting to meet in person, we don’t live close by to meet often. But we try to meet as our schedule permits. Also I know relationships existed before mobile phones. But we have mobile phones now right, they are built to help make communication better, be it facetime/call/text. Why not use it to communicate with your partner when you don’t live close by. People used to live without communication for weeks and months before, because tha HAD TO, they had no other option. I don’t understand why people don’t get that.
38 comments
Call
I’m guessing everyone will say call. That’s the obvious answer. Unless you’re asking something more specific that I’m not getting.
It might be old fashioned but I like to talk
Text anyway. Maybe not as much as she wants, but I’m still making the effort. It’s such a little thing. Why not?
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> _silentpotato_ : “…dating this guy who says he doesn’t like texting and rarely initiates conversation on text and never calls. But is super sweet and caring when we meet…”
^ You answered your own question:
some people much prefer in-person, face-to-face communication.
I don’t care about texting or calling either. I’d text you a couple times a week asking if you want to meet up, but I wouldn’t be keeping in touch in the meantime, nah, too much work.
Communicate in pictures 🙂
My ex used it as an excuse.. he could have called or even go for a walk with me at least .. but no i always had to initiate
Turns out.. he is not interested enough..he said it
“I am not sure how to take it as communication is important to me.”
Texting is low-quality communication. Talking on the phone and in real life is high-quality communication.
I know that many women don’t see it that way, but many men do, including me.
How much communication do you need? And if one person has to constantly prove they’re still in love (like Trixie Tang), it’s unhealthy.
I am a woman, but a few questions:
How often are you seeing one another? What has he said his intentions are? Is he making plans to see you again at the end of a date? How long have you been dating?
If he is making plans to see you and following through, sees you regularly, his intentions are in alignment with his actions, and you’re still just getting to know one another, I wouldn’t read too much into it, but if you need more communication between dates think about how much and why and communicate that to him. If you need something and someone can’t or won’t do that, you probably are not be compatible.
It works in your favour actually… Because I have a life but don’t like texting either.
Women like it when you “ignore” them? Idk so I just won’t text for a while at times.
I maintine though setting up dates and sending maybe a Goodmorning text. I don’t send too much nonsense through the day.
Im good with my mouth, in more ways than one.
Break your insecurity, you’ve become addicted to constant connection.
I don’t understand how there are so many people in this post who say it’s okay not to text at all. OP is clearly saying the guy she’s seeing won’t text at all and sometimes they won’t see each other for a week or two. Why wouldn’t you send a text or two if you know you won’t see your significant other for two weeks?
It’s not like she’s asking him to kill another human while running a marathon, she’s asking him to put in a little effort to stay in touch when they won’t see each other for two weeks.
GIFs
I don’t like texting, and calling us even worse. Some people just don’t like phone communication. Anxiety plays a huge role for me, its putting alot of pressure on you to constantly be tied to your phone.
Meeting IRL, i generally don’t enjoy texting/calling or any other form of chit-chatting with my closed ones. It feels like a chore to text or call someone. Basically communication is not a love language for me. However, you should let him know that communication is really important for you and can be a deal-breaker for your relationship if that’s the case.
Hang out in person, I’m super awkward while texting and I don’t like calls either
You guys could just meet in person more often, yaknow, the thing we did before unlimited minutes was a thing
W O W…
Meet up and talk to the guy, you’ll be surprise how eye opening it is to communicated without using the phone
Same way they did before texting existed. Call. What if I don’t call that day? Well relationships existed before calling too. People used to be gone for six or more months at a time and they maintained their relationships.
This need for constant gratification, communication, validation, etc, is horrible for relationships. I CAN go a day without talking to a gf and still be interested.
I’m not very chatty on phones. I’ll respond to texts but I’ll seldom engage in lengthy conversations and I don’t really like social conversations on voice calls either.
Give me a full size keyboard and suddenly I can tinker/work/play while maintaining two or three social conversations.
If you’re feeling good about the guy, might not hurt to consider other mediums for communication.
If I’m not more of a texter I’d either find time to physically meet you or just call you.
I really really do not like texting. I use it for logistics, quick check in type communication (ie, “plane landed safe and checking into hotel and going to bed”)
I am fully focused and in the moment when we are in person, and if one books a time slot and it works for calendar, I would be bulky in the moment on the phone or Teams/Zoom etc. I much prefer someone email me or text with simple “need to talk to you *re: finalizing vacation plans or whatever* I can talk ok the time slots/days/talk after dinner today “ and then send a calendar invite.
My wife and I have set boundaries up: if I travel I check in with her twice a day via text, impromptu phone calls are always going to be emergencies, and we text when we move places like “driving to your parents place, be home at 7” or whatever. Seems to work for us
Hmmm, how long have you been dating ?
What is your dating history and breakups like ?
Does he share internal ideas ?
Do you feel a need to be in contact ?
Anxieties ?
Unless this person has not been around in the western world, texting is pretty common, i would assume he is showing little to no interests.
When you do text how long does it take for him to reply ?
How about his other friends / family, do they get the same treatment ?
(Most of us are on one form of messaging application through the day)
It’s not that I don’t have an interest in texting, I have an aversion to it. It creates too much of an expectation of availability in a very superficial way and I can’t afford to be distracted at work. Even with people I love, I try to just use it as information exchange like setting up when we can call.
“Communication is important to me” so do you two communicate well in real life?
If so I don’t see the problem.
Be in person more. You should always be in contact with you significant other. Turn apart is good.
I’m sorry, this going to sound very rude, but your question is CRAZY!
Do you think there was no such thing as a relationship before 2002? Do you think small screens and abbreviated sentences make for meaningful conversation with a significant other?
Texting _barely_ counts as communication, at least by human standards. Humans rely so much on intonation and body language that it’s hard to take seriously any communication medium that strips those things away. I’d consider texting more _notification_ than _communication_.
Here’s some examples of how my wife texts me:
“Heading home, do you want me to pick up pho?”
“Don’t forget we need salt”
“I’m taking the kids to the park after class. Do you want to just meet us there, or should we swing by and pick you up?”
Yes, it’s communication, but not relationship building communication. It’s updates and short form questions. No growth or intimacy is built from these, nor should there be.
If you want to grow a relationship, spend time with each other. Time apart is healthy downtime for both of you. He likely recognizes that, but it sounds like you don’t.
I didn’t bother my GF much as I didn’t want her to think I was controlling. She ended up asking me to marry her knowing how I was. At Christmas when I gave her a card telling her how much I love her and why, she cried, because she knew it was genuine, not just worthless words.
*laughs in old enough to have dated before texting was an option*
You’ve been programmed to be insecure without constant attention. Working on that should be a higher priority than anything.
I appreciate a call so much more for the time saved and because with texting, there are times when you can misread intent of the message because you read it an different way. Plus, always being in communication with someone via text can affect communication in person
You mentioned specifically while dating too so I really don’t want to be talking all day anyways. Even if I have nothing else to do throughout my day, the last thing I want is other person to think I have nothing else going on in my life
I go out of my way to make sure we are going to see each other, but I’m also comfortable texting through the day. Calling, less so but if I haven’t texted my partner all day, I generally like to touch base with a phone call before sleeping.
People who don’t texting will usually FaceTime which is what me and my gf do, if you’re bugged out by him not texting much I would say have a conversation with him, from what others have said you do sound quite young so communication is very important
You just need to understand him. The next time you meet explain how you feel about not talking when you ain’t together.
As you are trying to accommodate him, he also has to accommodate your life and what you like. It’s very important that you guys be on the same page. Otherwise it might end up being a communication issue.
I’m on the phone all day long at work. When I’m stuck texting or calling my girlfriend it makes it feel like I’m working. And then I feel pressure when she whines that I don’t call or text enough. I rather just invite her over or take her out.
After 4-5 lines of messages I will call. I don’t like to type