After 1.5 years of absolute misery whilst dating I’m really starting to feel like it’s just never going to happen. I’ve been ghosted more times than I can count. I was really hopeful about the latest guy I dated, a really great person and we had such a strong connection but he’s leaving the country and won’t consider long distance. So I’m back to square one.
Does anyone actually have any success stories from dating over thirty? All the weddings I go to are for people who met in their twenties, it seems those of us who are single over thirty end up stuck in this perpetual cycle of heartbreak. Feel a lot like giving up as each rejection hurts more than the last, but still can’t imagine living the rest of my life alone and never having a family (although I know at this age the chance of that is quickly slipping away). The only person I know who’s had real success on an app met their partner on their second ever hinge date. So I just wondered if anyone who has been through a long period of ghostings and rejections has actually ended up in a happy healthy relationship? Feeling very pessimistic at the moment and looking for some hope.
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At 33 years old, after a hellish 11 year marriage ended, I met someone wonderful.
I’d been using Hinge and was about to quit it from the fatigue of it all.
Decided on one more coffee date, and was pleasantly surprised. By the 4th date I was super into him.
I kept an open mind, and went out with someone that maybe I typically wouldn’t have, and I’m so damn lucky to have scooped him up.
We are both in our 30s, he’s never been married before, whereas I married too young and for too long.
Honestly, 30s is your prime, and there’s so much good ahead of you.
I finally did at age 36! Have been single for most of my 30s and dating was absolute hell for me. Sooooooooo many ghosts and/or messy men.
I reached a point where I effectively gave up. I was still dating but set my expectations very low. And then met the perfect person 🙂
It’s possible! I came out of a 9 year relationship where I had to flee my abusive ex. It took me ~6 months to feel safe and settled and even be curious about dating or meeting new people again. I ended up way overdoing it on hinge and went on 24 first dates in 2 months (probably, don’t do this). Right when I was burning out I met my boyfriend and I could not be happier. He was also out of a 9 year relationship with a toxic ex, also didn’t have kids, and was in the same stage of exploratory dating as me. I think I was his 3rd date though 😂
We have the most communicative, mature, and easy relationship, even with the baggage and events life throws in. This is definitely something that I couldn’t have achieved in my 20’s as so much of what works now, we had to learn along the way.
I think what worked so well was that we both had extremely low pressure, easygoing plans for dating, and did start dating pretty casually, until we both realized we wanted something more.
I made most of my first dates easy, healthy things that I wanted to do anyways. It was so easy to have a positive outlook and just be excited by meeting new people because I already wanted to get a hot chocolate and walk around a beautiful park several times a week. I think this really sets the tone for new interactions, and didn’t get me down if I didn’t click with that person, I was still having a great afternoon!
I know a lot of people who found someone in their thirties. I’m still looking and pushing 40. 😅
My sister met her husband when she was 35 and it was literally her first Tinder date. They’re married with 2 kids and he’s a great guy, couldn’t ask for a better BIL. Some people just get lucky 🤷♂️
Meanwhile I’m over 2 years and several fizzled out connections despite my best efforts. I feel a similar way to you, like I just missed my shot and it’s not gonna happen for me. I’ll admit I make it harder on myself because I don’t want kids, so that eliminated most of the current dating pool
I met the love of my life at 34. Have always been generally successful at dating someone but never thought I would feel like that overwhelming surge of love for someone.
We met off the apps, connected immediately, hung out 4 times in the next eight days. And it’s been amazing ever since. We connect strongly on all the important metrics. Said we loved each other a couple of months into the relationship.
For the first time in my life, from early on, there was zero interest in dating other people. For the first time in my life, I initiated the exclusive conversation, then the “boyfriend-girlfriend” chat etc.
Not saying it happens like that for everyone but at least sharing my story.
Been together about 5.5 years. I went through a lot of crazy to finally find a someone normal.
My dad met my step mum when they were late 30s and I’ve never seen a more perfectly matched couple.
I met my bf 10 months ago and I’ve never been happier.
It does exist!
I started dating my ex at 21, got married at 28, and ended things at 31. I went on the apps for about a month before finding my current partner. She had broken off an engagement about 3 years before we met and not had a serious relationship since. We are currently 33 and 34, have been living together for a few months, and plan to get married and start trying for kids this year. Neither of us expected this outcome after our previous relationships. I attribute our success DoT to a lot of luck and a lot of therapy.
I got out of an extremely abusive 8 year relationship in early 2021 at age 33. I took a few months off of any dating to focus on my friendships, family, and career (that ultimately led to a big move to the Bay Area!). In January 2022 I met my partner on Hinge and it’s been the healthiest and most nourishing relationship I could have imagined. We are over the 18 month mark and I’m confident that I have met my life partner. I will say that I made some significant changes to what I was looking for in a partnership compared to my 20s and I think it made a big difference – I really focused on finding someone with similar values (open mindedness, generosity, curiosity, the desire for continued learning etc) and strong communication skills. I de-emphasized matching exact hobbies/interests. I found values to be a better gauge of compatibility and I think it opened up my potential dating pool a lot ❤️
I feel like my story could be inspiring. Not only am I in my late 30s (37f) but I also have a three year old child, so dating is definitely a challenge and there are a lot of guys who wouldn’t date me.
Background: I had two long term relationships (2-4 years) in my 20s, but they were toxic. I had unresolved trauma and anxious attachment style, so I kept dating avoidant guys who were bad for me. I was actually engaged in my early 30s, but thankfully I realized it was another toxic relationship (he was an alcoholic) and walked away.
Then I had a “miracle” pregnancy (I thought I couldn’t have kids) that was nonetheless unplanned and not with someone I wanted to have a family with. Still, I kept the baby and I’ve raised her as a single mom since her birth. It actually ended up being a very good thing. Not only do I love my daughter, but I also love my life. I was finally single long enough to heal from my trauma (therapy, self help books, and journaling/reflection).
Once I got back into dating, I knew it wouldn’t be as “easy” as it was when I was younger and didn’t have a child. My dating pool was smaller, but at least now I knew how to find a healthy relationship. It was still a learning process. I didn’t make the best choices right away, and of course I dealt with getting used and ghosted and all of the terrible modern dating problems.
It took me a year and a half to meet my current boyfriend. We met on OkCupid, and we’ve been exclusive since the first date (not for everyone, but we both knew what we wanted). We didn’t make it official or have a label until about three months, but we’ve been together for six months now. I’ve never been happier. It’s so amazing to finally have a healthy relationship! It’s worth having gone through everything else, even years of heartbreak. We’re compatible: our personalities complement each other, we share goals, dreams, and hobbies. We have great chemistry. We communicate extremely well. We have fun. We’re comfortable together. He’s my equal: intelligent, kind, honest, interesting, affectionate, successful, nerdy, outdoorsy, classy, active, fit, tall, attractive. The “honeymoon phase” hasn’t ended, we’ve never argued, and it honestly feels like I’ve found my best friend and soulmate.
Most importantly, he’s not only okay with my daughter, but great with her. He’s understanding and supportive, he’ll hold her hand, play with her, carry her on hikes, help put her to bed, and once he even got a splinter out of her hand (that melted my heart; he’s squeamish so I never expected him to volunteer for that, but he did).
We’ve discussed moving in together next year, he’s mentioned marriage, and he even plans to adopt my daughter once we do get married. I feel like the luckiest woman on Earth. This is everything I ever wanted in a relationship and partner. 🥰
I spent 4 miserable years dating when I moved to a new city for work. Met my amazing husband through bumble when I was 39. It’s possible! Keep trying! Dating is a full time job
Gentle reminder that most of the people on a subreddit for dating are going to be people actively dating, not people who’ve successfully partnered up and are out living their best married lives.
That being said, people find love at all ages and life stages! If you’re feeling burnt out from dating, take some time off, maybe get into counseling to deal with the grief of feeling like you’re not going to be able to have the family you’ve imagined for yourself and the heartbreak you’ve dealt with recently? consider that feeling a pressing need to get partnered ASAP Or Else You’ll Be Alone Forever may be lending some unfair pressure to yourself and to the way you’re interacting with potential partners?
Overall, keep your chin up. Good things are on the way!
Not me but one of my closest friends recently got married at age 37 to a bumble match after being together for a few years. They’re both 10/10 people: smart, successful, active, good looking etc.
They’re out there.
I’m 35F and met my fiance online. I think it was mostly dumb luck that we happened to have similar views on important things (childfree, progressive, agnostic, etc) and wanted to pursue a relationship. I truly feel that so much of dating, especially after 30+, is just pure dumb luck.
At 32, I went through a divorce and was terrified that, that was it for me. I did therapy, and eventually started dating. After about a year and a half and 30 or so first dates, and billions of swipes and conversations that went nowhere across Bunble, Tinder, OkCupid, and I dont know what else, I met my partner on bumble. At 32, he had been single since he was 24, had dated and dated and dated but nothing panned out. He is the most amazing person; we’re two years in and I couldn’t be happier!
Thanks for posting this. I’m in need of success stories as I currently also feel quite hopeless.
Got divorced about 6-7 years ago when my ex-wife realized we’d both be happier with other women. Tried OLD for a long time with fizzling success. A bunch of first dates and some hookups but nothing more serious than a 4 date fling. I hadn’t given up on dating completely, but I did make it my last priority as the returns for effort were gone and I was sick of 1st date interviews after a few years.
then about 2 years ago, I was at a friend’s Halloween party and I found a woman holding court in a discussion on sociology. I introduced myself into the convo when she couldn’t remember the name of an experiment(Millgram’s) and we hit it off near immediately. We talked a lot that night and had a good vibe but both left separately. We met and talked a few more times at different parties our mutual friend held. Last October our friend got married and we finally exchanged numbers at the after party. We went on our first date later that week and it has been so natural and organic that we’ve done a speed run on a lot of the relationship. We’re coming up on a year this month and it’s the all around best relationship I’ve ever had.
I found the love of my life at 30 (started getting serious at 31). It is possible, friend 🙂
I met my bf a year and a half ago using OLD. I was his first online date after a marriage. I, on the other hand, had done years of OLD and was very cynical about the process and thought it wouldn’t happen for me. Either I didn’t like the guy, many seemed not to want commitment, lots of situationships, lots of fading, lots of guys I wasn’t into and just didn’t feel anything for, lots of bad dates, etc. Now, a year and a half later, we are moving in together and I know he is it for me.
Before meeting my bf, whenever I saw a movie or tv show that showed an awesome guy who is so into his love interest and so wonderful to her, I always would roll my eyes and was like “yeah right, this is so fake. That doesn’t exist.” Well now I know it exists and I’ve never been so happy, at
peace, and in love with someone. There is hope!!
I’m in my early 30’s, and just coming out of marriage (husband had a mental breakdown), and I have no intention to date or ever find someone again. I look at what’s out there, and it’s just like, nope. I don’t want kids, and won’t date anyone who has participated in hookups or casual relationships. I’m demi, and it takes a while for me to develop a connection, and these types of people typically don’t have the patience for that. They also obviously have to be stable, both mentally and financially, have limited to no debt (like a reasonable car payment is fine, 50k in credit card debt due to reckless spending is not), have a job (unless they were able to retire very early, which would likely be due to smart financial decisions), and have ambition about *something* in life (a hobby, a pet, their job, renovating their home, whatever), all while also having social skills and a compatible lifestyle (or smoking anything, no drugs, not too messy, able to do basic house chores, etc.). I’m basically describing my husband here, and even when I was younger, there weren’t a lot of guys like him.
Part of the reason dating is horrible is because at least half the people who are dating really should be working on themselves instead. It gets worse as you get older because people accumulate more baggage. More and more of the healthy, stable people are in healthy, stable marriages, and not in the dating pool. The ones who are left may have been in abusive relationships, experienced trauma, had a failed marriage, have kids, etc. Not saying these people don’t deserve a relationship, but that when something big happens, like I’ll use divorce as the example because that relates to me, you really need to do some soul searching before getting involved with someone new. Most people don’t do enough of this, and that’s one of the reasons why people who have been divorced are more likely to get divorced a second time. While my husband had a mental breakdown, there were probably things I could have done differently as well. The only exception for ending a relationship where both people are *not* at fault to some degree is when there is abuse, but that brings its own trauma with it.
I met my husband after a year of dating and finally giving up at 31. I kind of met him through Bumble. I met a girl through Bumble friends who was dating his brother. He’s 8 years younger and I would have never guessed things would wind up the way they did.
I’m not sure I’m ready to be a “success story,” but at 37, I have found someone I can see a future with through online dating. Yes, I wanted to give up altogether more times than I can recall, but kept going back to just see if my person had put himself out there yet.
We have been dating for three months, exclusive/committed for two months, and have each expressed an interest in “forever” with each other. I’m not planning a wedding yet, but I do wonder if that might become something I get to do sometime soon.
My family member was in her early 40s and was about 2 years out of a 10 year relationship with a man who was in active drug addiction, cheated on her, borrowed money in her name, and was unemployed for the majority of the relationship due to mental health issues he refused to treat. Her other exes from before had very serious mental health issues, treated her poorly, were not functioning adults etc.
After that nightmare relationship, she dated for a while but couldn’t find anyone willing to commit.
She is a giver who puts others first and who has suffered a lot because of that. A lot of her exes took advantage of that.
She moved back to her dumpy hometown to care for an dying loved one. She told me she was giving up on dating. I told her I had a feeling she was going to find her person within the year (I really felt that, for some reason).
Within about a month of her loved one dying, she went for dinner with a mutual friend. The mutual friend invited my family member’s former highschool friend/ex boyfriend who she hadn’t seen in 20 years. He had lived on the other side of the country for the past couple decades and just happened to be home to see his family, who lived in the same hometown.
They were very young when they had dated before and very WILD – neither could handle a full relationship when they’d dated for a couple years in their early 20s.
Since then, they had both done a ton of work on themselves and knew on the night that they reconnected that they were meant to be together for the long haul.
She was married within 6 months.
They’re still going strong a couple years later. I have never seen her happier. He adores her.
She glows with happiness and the knowledge that she is loved, and she has confidence that I have never seen in her before, for all the time I have known her.
He is a great guy too but was also a giver, and had some pretty crazy relationships with people where he was also doing an insane amount of care-taking.
Since they’re both givers, they take care of each other. He’s a great man and they have so much fun together. They’re always laughing when I am with them and live in the most eccentric, cozy little home together.
Super glad he is part of our family.
Me!! I have the most dating over thirty success story ever, in that we actually met on the datingoverthirty sub ❤️ This came after so so so SO much online dating. I started with OKCupid when I was 22, then continued with tons of dating app stuff, and finally just quitting online dating altogether at 32. I met my partner less than 3 months into quitting the apps.
Like you, I often felt hopeless and beat down by all the rejections, ghosting, and general difficulty that comes with online dating. So I really get it, and I want to say that there IS hope. Even though the timing made zero sense at the time, I am so grateful I met my partner when I did, when we were both ready and available for each other. A relationship that starts in your 30s can move fast, since you both know what you want. At 32 I was single AF, and now at 34 I’m living with my partner and marriage/kids are on the tangible horizon.
I will also say that I know MANY couples who got together in their 30s and they are thriving. Some of the women have had kids, and some are purposely waiting until a bit later for kids. Everyone’s timeline for love is different, and finding a partner in your 30s is no less valid than finding one in your 20s.
Sending all my hugs. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone.
One of my most difficult-to-date friends met the love of her life through OLD at 38, and the guy is in his 40s. She’s not difficult to date because she’s a bad or unattractive person, she’s just a very particular sort of person, so she was single for a long time and then had match after match fizzle over two years of online dating. This guy is perfect for her. I expect a wedding invitation any day now.
It takes luck, but at the same time, her experience proves to me that nothing is impossible, lol.
I’m with you, lady. 35/F and I’ve been on over 30 first dates in the 1.5 years. I wasn’t into most of them and the ones I were into ghosted me or had some reason it wouldn’t work out.
Recently I was seeing one guy for a few weeks that I was excited about simply because he liked me and acted like he liked me instead of playing games. The second I tried to set any sort of boundary, he flipped out and dumped me immediately. I’m still traumatized by the whole situation.
So burnt out.
I met my husband on Hinge when I was 32 and we couldn’t be happier. We had both done a lot of online dating over the years and I pretty much hated the experience. I’m an introvert so meeting stranger after stranger was exhausting, but I knew I wanted to get married and have a family so I tried to prioritize it. Hang in there! The process can be painful but I am so thankful I didn’t give up.
Sure, I’ve got one…
I was married for 13 years (with two kids), and it was always a very difficult, complicated, and unhealthy relationship. But I was young, naive, and idealistic when we got married, and I didn’t really know any better. We got divorced in 2019.
Back in January 2022, I matched with a woman on a dating app and we decided to meet up for lunch. It was pleasant, but there were no fireworks. The next morning, she texted me and said, “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?” Curious, I said I’d take the bad news, and she told me I was a good guy but there wasn’t really any chemistry. No big deal, I appreciated the honesty. “Okay,” I texted back, “So what’s the good news?” Surprisingly enough she responded, “I think you’d be perfect for my sister!”
Obviously this was pretty bizarre, but I figured, *Why not? What the hell do I have to lose?* So she began telling me all about her sister, and meanwhile (unbeknownst to me) she was texting her sister as well, telling her all about *me*. Eventually she sent me a couple of photos and her phone number, and I texted and said: “Hi, this is super random, but apparently your sister wants to set us up.” She was equally amused by the whole situation, but we seemed to be hitting it off fairly well, so we decided to meet for dinner that Friday night.
Once we met up for dinner, the connection was immediate, and both knew it was gonna be something special. We had only been dating for about three weeks when we first said, “I love you.” And it was only six weeks when we both agreed that we wanted a future together. It sounds crazy, but as they say in *When Harry Met Sally*, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible.”
I proposed in October 2022, during a family dinner for my 40th birthday. We moved in together this past February and got married in June. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
I posted this on Do40 the other week, but it is worth sharing here too. My last relationship ended in 2018. I dated a lot in the tail of that year and through 2019. After taking a break through 2020 and the start of 2021, I hit the summer of that year having done a lot of work on my profile with a much improved selection of photos and bio. I dated solidly for about a year, met lots of really cool and great women. Sadly no one clicked. I burnt out, I was dating less suitable people and desperately needed a reset. I took one. I deleted everything and just concentrated on DIY, riding my mountain bike and going to gigs.
I felt in a much better place in October and felt like giving Tinder another go. I swiped aimlessly for a few days, and came across a profile that immediately piqued my interest. I was like “Fuck, I need to superlike this profile!” I had none. There was no way I was letting this one go, so I whipped out my debit card and signed up for Tinder Gold. Sent the superlike and the next day, she matched with me. After half a dozen messages, I asked her if she fancied a drink and picked a time and place (she has since told me she loved my decisiveness). We spent 4 and a half hours talking in the bar, and it felt like I’d known her years with how easily conversation came. I walked her to her taxi home and after we parted I practically floated to my Uber. We had a second date arranged the next day for the Saturday of that week. She then flew to the States for work for two weeks and we messaged non-stop the whole time despite the time difference.
On Thursday, we will have been together a year, and it just keeps getting better. We feel in tune to each others needs. We communicate clearly with each other, we support each other and we excite each other. It finally feels like I have met someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with
🙋🏻♀️
met on hinge dec 2020
official feb 2021
engaged aug 2022
legal marriage july 2023
wedding in italy sept 2023
i think the biggest difference from when i first started on the apps until i met my husband was when i decided i wouldn’t take take any shit from guys. if they made me unhappy, bye. if they didn’t make my life better, bye. if they didn’t have the same beliefs as me, bye. i was (and now even more so) very happy with my life and i worked hard for that. i was not about to let ANYONE fuck that up.
I just got married to my husband over the weekend. He’s 38, I’m 34, and we met on Bumble last May. In his vows, he recounted how our second date made him know he wanted to be with me, and in mine, I listed half a dozen ways in which he was the perfect partner for me. He’s amazing, I’m so lucky, and it really was pure dumb luck that we found each other — we tell each other that constantly!
Was single for most of my life, only been in 1 relationship in my early 20s (lasted 2.5 years, met in undergrad), and dated a classmate from my postgrad briefly. Was never able to meet anyone outside of school because I’m extremely shy.
Finally put myself out there and started online dating in 2019. Had many first dates and even dated a guy for a month until he ghosted. Then covid hit and I got jaded, slowed down on swiping because it was difficult to date with restrictions and covid brought out more flakey dudes. I deleted tinder because it was hot trash, and focused more on hinge and cmb because I felt there were more guys looking for relationships there.
I grudgingly reinstalled tinder in 2021 because I was running out of guys on the other apps, and tinder had the largest user base in my city. Swiped right on this cute new guy, we matched a few days later and he messaged first. We had a great conversation, he was funny, matched my energy, and seemed very enthusiastic. Then he stopped replying 🙁 I usually delete dead convos when a guy stops replying, but for some reason I decided to keep his. I was hoping that he paused the app or something, because our convo ended so abruptly, it didn’t feel like he lost interest. I went on with my life.
4 months later, I get a message from him. He explained that he was going through personal issues at the time (he broke up with a gf not long ago, then his grandpa had a stroke and he had to fly overseas to help his family) and realized he wasn’t ready to date yet. I’m so glad I never deleted his convo because I’d probably still be swiping today if I had. I never thought in a million years I would find my person on tinder of all places. We just celebrated 2 years as couple last month and are moving in together soon!
After a long relationship in my 20s ended, I (M) spent ages 30-34 dating in earnest with no relationships making it past the two month mark. Met someone on Hinge at 34 and just got married last month at 37.
I was single for 3 years. Spent 18 months spinning my wheels on hinge. I ended up with someone at 34 that I’d known several years IRL. We’re still together a year later with vague plans to get hitched in the future.
I’m laying here with my newborn, a Hinge baby! 36m and 38f, so you got time girl! Folks be having kids later and later these days.
I actually rate 30s dating as way better than 20s dating because you know who you are and what you want so much more. It makes you more picky, so can be disheartening, but when you find that person where it all lines up there’s nothing better.
I almost don’t trust couples that met in their early 20s. Like girl you don’t know shit yet lol.
I’m only 3 months in with my bf (30f dating 33m) Ive told my story in previous posts but this time last year I had PTSD from an assault to now meeting the person I’m pretty darn sure is the one. We met through a mutual friend and he is everything I want and more, I’ve never felt so secure and happy.
I just want to say in your thirties it really is all about a mixture of luck, knowing yourself and your standards and damn fucking good timing. The problem with the dating pool at this age is it’s full of late bloomers only just getting started in life and are therefore clueless on how to communicate/ want to date younger or those who are traumatised from divorce/ LTRs who probably need time to work on themselves and are just looking for ‘fun’
It can feel like looking for a needle in haystack and it’s exhausting but I think those who I know who have succeeded have either been the ones who persisted and kept trying (and this was even the case with my friends who found partners in their twenties – hundreds of dates before getting ‘the one’) so increased their odds or those like myself who got a ‘recommendation’ so you had less of the vetting needed to do on apps.
My bf admitted to me early on he had only been ready in the last year or so for something serious – he had dated around quite a bit for fun before but never found someone who met his criteria and didn’t feel ready to commit to anyone. I had a lot of issues with self esteem which took me ages to work on and I came up with what I really wanted in a partner in that time. It’s funny because I tried the whole ‘dating outside of your type’ thing and it just backfired on me big time. When I agreed to go on the date with current bf I told myself one red flag and I was out. He met all the things I wanted in a partner and it all just fits so easy, I like him more and more everyday 🥰 but it really was all luck, I hadn’t event told the person who hooked us up that I was looking for a bf 😂
Keep going!! It’s not too late.
I split with my ex at 39, and the divorce was final right before my 40th birthday.
I’ve done the casual thing, the FWB thing, the LTR, and the cohabitation thing too! I finally decided to stop the BD with myself and make it very clear on my profile that I was dating with the goal of finding someone long term.
I was at the “taking a break” point when I decided to delete my profile and start from scratch. I also paid for 1 month of Bumble – to make the process more efficient since I could see who liked me. In my first round of guys I matched with a few people but one stood out as cute, funny, genuine, and we hit it off right away. We’ve been together ever since and it will be 2 years in March!
So, moral of the story is, I asked for what I wanted and was honest with myself, stopped wasting time on people who were lukewarm or wanted different things, and that made room in my life for someone amazing. I have never been so in love! 😊
I spent about 8 months on the apps last year and was ready to quit for awhile. But I had one last hinge match in my queue who I started chatting with and so I said pretty quickly that we should meet up because I did NOT want to keep using the app. Neither did he. It’s been 9 months now and it just keeps getting better. I am dismantling some of the patterns my toxic ex gave me and feeling very safe, comfortable, supported, and having a great time with lots of laughs and awesome sex. We’ve definitely talked about how we see this going super long term and how lucky we are to have found someone so compatible.
I got ghosted a lot in that 8 months on the apps. And I didn’t find any in person dates despite going out and socializing. I think for me some tips would be to protect your time and energy- for me if someone got weirdly sexual on the app I learned to write them off- it wouldn’t be a match. I only talked to 1-2 people at a time, which sometimes meant holding back on swiping or putting off sending an initial message. I also didn’t use apps on m/t/w. Just not social enough to be chatting every night of the week. And towards the end I also waited for guys to ask me out. I know I’ll get flamed for it but it improved the experience for me. I am not shy about asking people out but it led to me getting ghosted a lot. Maybe I seemed disposable, too available, or just an option to keep on the burner until something else came up. If they asked me to meet up, much more likely to happen since I would never ghost and they have at least expressed a real interest.
I am here just trying to get some motivation in continuung this dating journey. I am 32 and I feel like it is not getting any eaiser!
I can totally understand. I have put a pause on dating for now to work on myself since I never had after my divorce so I attribute that to not finding someone because I myself wasn’t the best. What I’ve done is delete the apps… maybe taking a break or putting a pause on it will help. What I’ve been doing to keep myself for feeling lonely and working on my best version is women’s only events, taking myself out on dates, connecting with friends, reading self help books, and I’d like to start doing meet ups or even a class for writing, photography or something. I’ve been doing this for a month and have learned so much about myself already and learning what I look for in a partner. If you surround yourself in an environment with things you like I believe it will naturally come. And if it doesn’t the. You can try OLD again hopefully with a new perspective.
I met my boyfriend through Bumble 4 years after my divorce. I had lots of disappointments along the way and got ghosted many times. I almost canceled my first date with him because I had a rough day at work. I’m so glad I went! Don’t give up yet, OP. Maybe take a break for a month.
Nah. I have been in quite a few abusive relationships, and some relationships with some real narcissists and players. Towards the end of summer I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who was abusive for almost a year, and he bullied/harassed me into getting into a situation I didn’t want to (the best way I can describe it without getting into details) and that ended and then about a month later I was ready to give up but then met someone who wasn’t my type looks wise and I’d normally not at that point have spread myself thin and go on a date when I was still vulnerable from the trauma of my ex, but I was like this guy seems like a good guy so I’ll give him a chance. And of course after about a month we end up sleeping together a few times and then he pulls the rug from underneath me and ends it abruptly due to a minor argument over something stupid.
I’m a 35 year old female and I have never felt as dead inside as I do right now. It’s funny and sad how I don’t even have the urge to even ever go on a date again. I wish I even felt sad still about the fact that I am single and child-less when I’ve wanted marriage and children my entire life but I feel nothing. And I’m struggling with feeling so dead inside I wish I still had hope. I never thought I’d feel this way. I’m only writing this out not to be super depressing to you but more so for myself I guess. And because I see a lot of people say that when they were about to give up they met “the one” or their one or whatever, but that wasn’t the case in my situation. I wish I took time for myself instead of giving the last guy I dated a chance.
I been using Hinge from my late 20s to age 33. Always had relationships that never lasted over a few months. Met my now wife on Hinge and we have a kid now.
35M, single since mid-late 20s until early this year. Met an amazing woman on the apps. Suppose it’s too soon to say it’s a long term success story, but it’s been great so far, and I think it will be.
There’s no story to it really. We were just both putting ourselves out there at the right time. Waded through plenty of bad dates and false starts and eventually found each other. I got lucky.
I was single from 29 to 32. Had a very bad breakup from my only truly serious relationship back in 2019. Had messy situationships throughout and by the time I met my boyfriend, not going to lie, I was relatively jaded and bitter lol.
Became official with my boyfriend shortly before I turned 33. We’ve been together for a little more than 1.5 years.
We’re moving in together when my lease ends in Feb, which will mark our two year anniversary. We’ve also talked about marriage and children in the near near future.
Funnily enough, I met him on Tinder. I know people like to recommend Hinge and Bumble more for serious relationships, but personally for me, I found the least serious guys/guys who played the most games on Hinge haha. Never judge an app by its cover!
I met my partner on tinder 2 years ago and just finished picking out an engagement ring. He has taught me so much about how a relationship should feel. I never knew a feeling like this could exist before I met him.
I was married to my high school sweetheart for almost 14 years. He died in Dec if 2021. Dating seemed absolutely terrifying to me. I didn’t think I’d meet someone organically since I was a single mom of 2 under 10 and I never went anywhere. So I gave Hinge a shot. Went out with 2 duds and the 3rd guy I went out with was it for me. We both deleted the app after the first date and have been together for over a year. The plan is to get married eventually, but we’re working on blending our family first.
I left my ex in 2019 with my daughter and shared a suitcase between us. I was on and off the apps for a while and met some people in between, but they weren’t people meant for me.
This trend continued until this year–2023–and am now 35. I met someone awesome off Hinge that I initially swiped left on with Tinder. He was divorced with kids, and we just seemed to click. We’re very serious about each other and intend on getting married soon. We are even living together.
Our timeline is absolutely insane to hear, but our communication with each other has been solid. He and I didn’t spend a lot of time on shallow conversations to get to know each other. Neither of us was interested in wasting time at 35. He and I somehow slipped into a lot of deeper and heavier conversations; we allowed ourselves to get vulnerable much earlier, even with the risk of getting hurt.
Both of us were very transparent with what our baggage was and what we were looking for. When he and I decided to become official, we discussed a list of expectations as a couple in terms of communication, how to communicate, and love languages. We were clear about finances, expectations for maintaining the house, interacting with our kids (to include discipline), and discussing our values.
We also came up with rules for our arguments when we did have them (e.g., circling back to a topic within x-time, reaffirming how we feel, maintaining gentle contact) to make sure we were hearing and understanding each other as partners rather than adversaries. I have avoidant tendencies, and he didn’t hesitate to gently call me out on my behavior. Likewise, he can be anxious, and I shared my perspective with consideration. Our openness allowed me to stop getting into “flight” mode, which previously caused me to torch connections.
I definitely believe that it’s important to scare the wrong people off to make space for the individuals with whom we’d best align. Boundaries are also important because we shouldn’t constantly acquiesce to somebody else’s needs and wants, which is why communication is so crucial. I had to tell myself many times over that “I matter, too” previously. Now, I found someone who asks me, “How can I help?”
So, I’d like to consider my situation an online dating success story, but we are continuously practicing our communication, expressing affection, respecting autonomy, and envisioning a future together as a team. I hope this perspective helps!