I need advice – my boyfriend and I have a 5-year-old son with another on the way. We rent, and while I wouldn’t exactly say we live paycheck to paycheck, finances are very tight. Regardless, we enjoy dinner out every now and then, go on a vacation once a year, and enjoy other non-essential things once in a blue moon. We’re also in what I consider (normal) debt, separately.
My boyfriend’s brother is recently divorced with two kids with two baby mamas (he only pays child support for one). He has a FT job (don’t know what he makes, but I know he makes more than my boyfriend); has a hobby as a motorcyclist; and is in a new relationship with a girl where they’ve been traveling domestically quite a bit. He got into an accident earlier a couple of weeks ago and totaled his car, but because he’s terrible at saving and has bad credit, he’s unable to buy a new car. He’s asked to use my boyfriend’s credit line to buy a car and to “borrow” $4K, which my boyfriend has pennies saved in his bank account so this would bring him practically to zero.
I told my boyfriend I’ll be extremely upset with him if he goes through with this favor, to which he exploded that either I will be mad at him or his brother (and mother) will also be mad at him. I truly cannot allow for my boyfriend to go through with this, especially knowing a baby is on the way and all the new expenses we’ll be incurring. Am I in the wrong for telling him what to do? Any advice on how I can be adamant? I’ve been really tormented by this because if my boyfriend goes through with this, it will greatly affect my relationship with him.
TL;DR: boyfriend’s irresponsible brother wants to borrow money. I’m not happy about this and need advice.
2 comments
There is no way to control what he does. You can only tell him your worries, explain why you think it’s a terrible idea (it is), and hope he uses his good sense to try to get out of it.
It’s likely the brother will be late or even default and your bf’s credit will be ruined. Maybe after experiencing that, next time, he will use his brain instead of letting his family walk all over him. But who knows.
This seriously affects you and your future. Might be time for a hard boundary here. We both know you can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. If BF does this, i would extricate myself from the potential negative effects, whatever it takes. We also know that irresponsible brother will destroy your BFs credit and thereby hamstring both of you for many years. Brother has no real motivation to do right since he will suffer no real consequences for destroying you two. Your BF can commit financial suicide if he wishes and you cannot stop him. You CAN, however, not allow him to send your own future down the river. This would be a relationship ending event for me. Immediately……